We are in our third year practicing enforced chastity. That alone is remarkable. Long-term power exchanges are notably difficult to sustain. In the beginning, our agreement to keep going for more than a year assured that neither of us would quit. I thought that the big risk there was that Mrs. Lion would grow bored or, more likely, would feel that the extra effort keeping me “entertained” would be too much trouble. I also wondered if I would get tired of the inconveniences wearing a device presented or perhaps unhappy with the total lack of access to my penis.
Neither of us had any idea how our feelings would change over time. When we started, Mrs. Lion agreed to lock me up because it made me happy; at least I thought it would make me happy. She accepted the kink out of love for me. Over time we discovered added benefits for our relationship. Communication improved and we both felt closer to each other. Somehow enforced chastity had a magical effect on us that we both loved.
This provided a new reason we should continue the practice. Still, Mrs. Lion’s reason for continuing didn’t seem to be based on some deep-seated need of her own. It was now for our relationship’s benefit that we continue. It also made me happy most of the time. I too developed different feelings toward my chastity. I realized that I couldn’t just pull the plug and get unlocked. My lioness made it clear that is unacceptable to her Her stated reason: she didn’t want to risk losing the extra closeness we had gained.
The fact that I am not submissive by nature became more apparent, at least to me, when I thought about this new development. Deep down I was convinced that I wore a chastity device because it was my choice. Realizing the choice was no longer mine gave me some uneasy moments. I continue to have moments when I realize anew that I will remain locked up as long as Mrs. Lion wants and I get that uneasy feeling in my stomach. Permanent enforced chastity isn’t a lifelong dream come true. It was a hot fantasy that turned out to be better in real life. Permanent surrender of sexual control wasn’t part of my original fantasy.
In the meantime, Mrs. Lion, particularly Lioness 2.0, appears to have internalized her sexual power. When it comes to sexually stimulating me, I rarely here her famous words, “If you want.” She doesn’t ask me what I want. I get what she wants to do.
A few weeks ago I asked her if she wanted a “key” to wear around her neck. Actually, it’s a security screw removal tool that opens the Jail Bird. She agreed she would like that. I ordered it and we got it a couple of weeks ago. She bought a leather necklace and put the tool on it. I wondered if she really wanted to wear this symbol of sexual control. I figured she would put it on occasionally when we were together. I was wrong. She’s been wearing it to work almost every day.
Is this a sign that my sweet lioness has internalized our power exchange? I think it might mean that. Even though we have been at this for a while, we are still processing what it means to take enforced chastity out of the status of a sexual game and into an ingrained component of our marriage.
The evidence is mounting that we are making good progress in this direction. I don’t think that I will ever be completely comfortable with surrender. I don’t want to masturbate or have sex with anyone else. I’m comfortable with that. I am still resisting the sense that I have no choices sexually. Mrs. Lion makes it easy for me to make this internal transition. Even though she is much more confident in her control, she remains very aware of what I like and plans activities with that in mind.
Of course as 2.0 is around more and more, the balance between what I like and what she feels like doing is tipping in her direction. For example, 2.0 set a goal of having me ride our fucking machine with a dildo up my ass. Since I am not very prepared anally, she has been expanding my anal horizons several times a week. She informed me that maybe this weekend I will take my first ride. 2.0 is going to get to her goal. Mrs. Lion is making sure the trip isn’t too horrible for me. She is moving me in the direction she wants at a speed I can manage.
She is moving toward fully internalizing her role. I am making progress accepting mine. This is a slow trip. There’s no rush. It’s been made abundantly clear to me that we aren’t ever going to stop.