Month: April 2016 (Page 2)

wheel of misfortune
Lion likes choices even if all of them are going to hurt.

Yesterday Lion and I had our customary email conversation. Here’s an excerpt:

Lion: Uneventful drive today. Uneventful day, pretty much.
2.0: I’m sure your day will pick up after dinner. 😉 I don’t know. Just a feeling I have.
Lion: I wonder what is happening after dinner?
2.0: Usually it’s Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy 😉

Maybe not the funniest exchange we’ve ever had, but now I had to come up with something good for him. After my shower, Lion was snoozing. Undoubtedly resting up for the evening’s activities. That’s OK. I had my idea anyway. I just needed a wide awake Lion. He had a decision to make.

Sometimes, when he knows it’s orgasm night, I give him a choice of how he’d like his orgasm. Hand, mouth or penetration. But last night wasn’t orgasm night. His choice was between menthol rub and tiny clothespins. He tried to say neither and I told him that wasn’t a choice. It would have been far easier for him if I had given him a choice between an orgasm and menthol rub. I’m pretty sure he would have had no trouble deciding. I really wasn’t sure which he would pick. I even gave him a bit of a break by not having the nastiest tiny clothespins in the mix. I figured he would never choose the tiniest ones since they hurt so much. Finally he selected menthol rub.

The last time we used the menthol rub, I slathered Lion’s balls with it. He’d said it was a wimpy strength. I figured, if it was wimpy and he’s a strong lion, he should be able to take it. Nope. I had to untie him so he could wash off. It turns out the wimpy strength is stronger than Lion. Last night I took a tiny amount on my fingertip and rubbed it into a 3/4 inch circle. After a few minutes it started working. Lion wondered why I used so much. Who’s wimpy now? It’s a good thing he didn’t choose the clothespins. I used less of the wimpy menthol than I did of the stronger menthol with him in the sling.

Luckily it wore off after about ten or fifteen minutes and we resumed our normal edging. I’m getting pretty good at taking him just short of the edge. He’s reduced to a panting puddle. And then I stop. We’ve been cuddling when I’m done with him. Last night I even held onto Mr. Weenie while we cuddled. I didn’t move. I just held him for a bit. I don’t know if that gave Lion hope that I would continue or made him stay harder longer. I just wanted to keep touching him even if I wasn’t going to edge him anymore.

This morning Lion says he’s grateful he got a choice even if it wasn’t really a choice. Maybe he’ll get more no-choice choices in the future. [Lion — I agree the choices weren’t very appealing, but they were choices. It’s nice to have a menu even if the food isn’t so good.]

lion thoughts
Mark, one of our readers sent this picture. It fits.

Writing about enforced male chastity is sometimes difficult if you are keeping a daily journal. After all, the essence of this kink is lack of interesting activity. My penis is safely locked away, unavailable for anything  beyond peeing. It gets to come out and play for a while most nights, but for the remaining 23 1/2 hours it is inaccessible.

This isn’t just a writing challenge. The hot fantasies about enforced male chastity don’t talk about this time. They focus on the exciting bits of interaction between the keyholder and the caged male. I would imagine that when the reality of long, sexless waiting crashes in on guys just trying male chastity, their interest in continuing may wane.

We all have different ways to compensate for the extended, sexless waits. Many beginners obsess about the “best” device and improving security. They spend their down time trying to find the supermax prison of chastity devices. This can lead to painful experiments with different ways to assure the penis goes untouched. This phase eventually gets old too. For those who stick around, the reality finally dawns that comfort trumps security. They find a comfortable device. What then?

Male chastity is what I call a passive power exchange. Once the keyholder accepts her role and the male is locked up in his device, she doesn’t have to do anything else to maintain her position of sexual authority. Indeed, some long-term chastity couples just lock up the penis, wait for some period of time, unlock it and allow the male to masturbate. The device is locked on again. Rinse and repeat.

That wouldn’t work for me.  I’m way too action oriented. I’m not alone. This is the point so many guys grow bored and grumpy and ask for the key back. What to do? If  you’ve been reading our blog you know that Mrs. Lion and I have added a couple of twists that keeps our interest up  and me safely in my place.

The first thing we added was teasing between orgasms. We learned that my interest in release grows for a few days and then diminishes. It turns out that at some point every male will simply start to lose interest if not stimulated during a wait. The “fun” of male chastity, particularly to the keyholder, is to keep the caged male crazy for an orgasm for his entire wait. Mrs. Lion’s daily edging sessions assures my interest is always at its peak. That doesn’t mean my interest doesn’t change over the year. But the part that is due to being locked up is minimized by my lioness.

Believe it or not, at least for me, it still isn’t enough. So, back to lion fantasies. I’ve always had a fascination with the idea of rules and discipline. For you Freudian’s out there, it probably stems from the lack of parental discipline throughout my childhood. Regardless, I have had fantasies all my life about being spanked. So, it isn’t a very big leap to see why I wanted to try a Female Led Relationship (we call it FLR) that includes rules and consequences. Growing up without consequences helped me develop a taste for getting my butt tanned.

If you’ve been following our adventures, you’ve seen our attempts to incorporate a female led relationship into our marriage. We’re both smart enough to know that reality won’t match my feverish sexual fantasies. In a way that’s good. If getting punished turned me on in real life, then it would make sense to punish me when I am good. Fortunately, reality has adequately proven that I hate being punished, but I love that Mrs. Lion disciplines me.

Incorporating FLR into our marriage is a process that will keep us occupied for years. Combine that with the BDSM play we enjoy, we’ve found a way to fill all those empty, locked-up hours. This path is certainly not something we suggest everyone try. For some, enforced chastity without the whipped cream and cherries is enough. Others want to expand the power exchange. I think that this is the reason so many male chastity blogs discuss other activities.

 

Since our failed attempt at anal training on Sunday, I haven’t shoved anything up Lion’s butt. Last night I decided we should backtrack to the medium nJoy plug. It went in easily. I thought it might. The purpose was just to get something in there after a few days’ break.

When I took out the lock box to unlock Lion, he asked if I was going to take out the plug. I wondered if he was uncomfortable. He said if I wanted him to have any fun he’d need it out. Well, now I had to think about how much fun I wanted him to have. There are times I really want him to feel the plug while I’m torturing him. I know it’s more difficult/uncomfortable to have an orgasm with it in. With that knowledge, I would assume it’s also more difficult/uncomfortable to be edged with it in. It’s just a matter of how uncomfortable I want him to be. Tensing up with an unyielding steel blob in your ass has to be less comfortable than with a pliable silicone dildo. Some nights that’s a good thing. Last night I took it out. 2.0 just wanting to play with him.

Sometimes I like to use lube when I jerk Lion off. He doesn’t. To me, it reduces friction and should feel good. He said it bothers the head of his penis. The other day when he mentioned that I thought it was just because I grip him differently when I use lube. I tend to hit the head more. Last night I stayed away from the head and it still bothered him. Phooey. I like the lube. Sure it makes him stickier and he has to clean off afterwards, but I like the slippery feel. I don’t use it that often so he’ll just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Yesterday was his scheduled date, but I already gave him an orgasm the other day. He wasn’t going to get one again that soon. He’ll be waiting until Friday at least. Maybe we’ll have a nice weekend culminating in an orgasm.

We have gotten some very interesting comments in response to my post about punishment. A key theme in these comments is the emotional effect that physical punishment has on both the disciplining wife and the disciplined male. Based on the comments to my post, I think that it is emotionally more difficult for the disciplining wife than it is for her target.

It seems to me that we are running headlong into some fairly strong conditioning when the male is disciplined by his female partner. Unlike the BDSM scenario where spankings are requested and administered as part of play, the punishment spanking is not requested and is designed to be a painful, unpleasant experience. It’s behavior-changing punishment.

There is something very stark about a wife spanking her husband. He’s a grown man who, regardless of his desire to submit or not, is an object of love and respect to her. There is no dignity in receiving a spanking. It’s a physical violation that is both humiliating and painful. At least that’s how it appears many wives see it when they start out. It’s bad enough to see your husband in pain. It’s far worse to be the one who intentionally put him there. No wonder it is so hard to begin punishing your partner.

Ironically, as the recipient of the punishment, I don’t feel that the discipline is out of place. I just hate the pain and the realization I did something wrong. I don’t question the fairness or justice in what I am receiving. Intellectually, I think I should. But in reality, I don’t. I just want it to stop. I get angry that she keeps hurting me. I want to run away. I yell and growl. But I am not hurting emotionally. I’m actually feeling good that my lioness is using the control I surrendered to her. When the spanking is done I feel that the slate is clean. My butt is burning, but my heart is lighter.

It seems, based on the comments, that the act of punishing saddens and hurts the punisher. Mrs. Lion assures me that these feelings are temporary. 2.0 feels absolutely fine about making me scream in pain. 1.0 still cringes. Punishing someone you love takes something out of you. Our disciplining wives need to have that something replaced. Mrs. Lion’s rule about thanking her for punishing me makes a lot of sense. I’m letting her know that her discipline is a gift that ultimately helps me and brings us closer together.

I believe that supervising and correcting errors with punishment will ultimately bring us even closer together. For one thing, Mrs. Lion is much more aware of me and what I am doing. She is correcting me firmly as needed. We both know it is way easier to ignore infractions or punish them with a few gentle swats. It’s far more difficult to observe my behavior and the provide strong punishment when I commit an offense.

The correction, if real and not just a few play swats, will make me far more aware of myself and how I affect her. Strong punishment is a deterrent that will teach me to form good habits and behave the way I should. It’s not that any of us disciplined husbands have major behavioral issues that need firm correction. Chances are good that the infractions are pretty small, but can be annoying. The benefit isn’t so much in training me to not interrupt as it is in providing me with the understanding that my lioness cares how I behave and will assure that I will learn to be a better lion and husband.

It’s true that the improvements will be small to an outside observer. But each change I make shows Mrs. Lion that I respect her and what she wants. It shows that the time and effort it takes to observe and correct me isn’t wasted. As a result, we become closer. Our domestic disciplinary roles require that we pay the closest attention to each other. Failure on my part will result in a very painful visit with her paddle. Failure on her part will make her feel guilty that she isn’t doing her job. On the other hand, success will give each of us a sense of satisfaction and a stronger connection that comes from the strength a power exchange can provide.

I want to thank pcguy for his very kind post on his blog, The Thrill of the Chaste. We appreciate his mention of our Huffington Post interview. I am e a fan of his blog. His posts are both interesting and amusing.