Month: May 2016

Lion was incorrect about two things yesterday. I never said he won’t get the job he’s interviewing for. I said he’ll be crushed if he doesn’t get it. He is correct that he needs to stay positive about it. He does have a good shot at it and he would love this job. The other thing he was incorrect about was that we wouldn’t play. Just before he went to write his post, I said we didn’t play in the afternoon, but that didn’t mean we wouldn’t play later. Hint. Hint. We will play later. And we did.

We’ve had a weird dynamic going on lately. It’s almost like we can’t get out of each other’s way. No matter what one of us does, it annoys the other. I don’t know if it is wholly centered around his pending, and now de facto, loss of job. It seems to me it started around the time he found out his contract was ending. Certainly Lion is down. And then he’s up. And then he’s down. And then he’s up. I understand that. He’s hoping for the new job. But what if it doesn’t happen? But they want more interviews. But what if he’s too old? But it’s such a great company. And so forth. I’m trying to remain balanced. And maybe that’s part of the problem. We went through many months of ups and downs before he found his last job. The highs are great, but the lows suck. I need to allow myself a little more leeway in following his ups and downs. I can be excited for him and then bolster him when he’s down. That doesn’t mean I can’t try to limit my swing between the two.

And as far as annoying each other is concerned, I do have the ability to put my foot down. It shouldn’t matter what Lion’s going through right now. I’m right here going through it with him. And if he’s snarky to me, I should stop it. Perhaps what he needs is a firm hand to stabilize things. I tried that tactic last night when I came out of the bathroom with lube and a butt plug. I knew he didn’t want it, but I told him that didn’t matter to me. It was going in. Enough of this nonsense of sighing and looking displeased when I go to play with him. He’s lucky I’ve put up with it this long. I guess 1.0 was trying to be nice given the job situation. Once Lion said I wasn’t treating him nicely, 2.0 decided it’s time for some tough love. Tread lightly, my pet.

And Lion’s lament that we didn’t play? I tied up his balls and he requested I use the Magic Wand on him. Yes, I do still take requests. That doesn’t mean I will always honor them. But we both like the Magic Wand. And it’s a handy tool for getting Lion very excited. So, with the butt plug still firmly in his butt and his balls untied eventually, I Magic Wand-ed him right into an orgasm. A Monday orgasm was the plan all along and I saw no reason to alter it if he was ready again after his ruined orgasm on Sunday.

His next date is June 8. He says that’s not a very long wait. As he knows, that’s just the next date it’s possible for an orgasm. It will not necessarily happen on that date. It may happen sooner. 2.0 is back in town now. She does whatever the hell she wants.

The Memorial Day weekend is over. I have two interviews today with a great company. Mrs. Lion was correct yesterday in her post. There is little chance I will actually get the job. [Mrs. Lion – I never said he won’t get the job.]  I know that all too well. But I need to enthusiastically embrace the possibility or the interviews are doomed before they begin. This situation isn’t unlike the way people approach anything new and unknown. If you don’t care if you succeed or not, then you won’t be crushed if you fail.

I’ve never subscribed to that way of thinking. I think that it would be very difficult to succeed when you are sure you will fail. I consider myself an informed risk taker. I try to get all the facts before plunging into something. But I do plunge; full speed. I’ve ignored safe choices in my life that I abandoned in favor of something more interesting or exciting. The way I see it is that no matter what I do, eventually I will die. I don’t get a second chance. So, in my head the best idea is to take that chance. I have gotten hurt. But I’ve had amazing adventures.

Speaking of adventures, our FLR and enforced chastity have taken a wrong turn, I think. I am not sure what we’ve done, but things don’t feel the same as they did before. It’s not that we want to give up. That hasn’t come up. I think it is more the one-way nature of our sex life. There’s nothing in it for my lioness. Her libido continues to sleep.

It also seems that if we do something around the house, then the we fail to play. I feel that if I ask if, for example, we can get the water going in our camper, then I know I have given up any chance for sexual activity. This has been our pattern for some time. It’s a matter of energy I suppose. We have to take care of our house and run errands. We don’t have to play. I’m not grumbling about it. The last thing I want is to force the issue. I’ve already written how I feel about being the driving force in our activities.

There’s more to it than that, though. As I pull back to give Mrs. Lion or 2.0 room to be in charge, I seem to be losing the excitement I felt before. I think my active imagination has been a big help in keeping me horny and wanting. It isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault; I’m sure of that. I can’t just stop providing sexual energy and expect her to replace my contributions; at least not in the beginning. Maybe this sexual lull is part of a larger transition. At least, I hope it is.

My lioness and I are very different. She is cautious and unlikely to make changes. I get ideas and forge ahead. So, if she is to assume full leadership, then I have to become more like her and she, more like me. We would both benefit from that.

Frequently, I offer advice to others on how to establish and maintain enforced chastity. That doesn’t mean I have all the answers for my own relationship. Right now, we are trying to get our sexual GPS to help us get back on the right road. I hope it works.

We’ve been having a rough time lately. Lion is feeling bad about being out of work. I’m feeling bad that he’s out of work. We just haven’t been meshing well. Yesterday he asked if I still felt the same way about him. What kind of question is that? I asked him why he said that. He said I haven’t been treating him the same lately. I guess that’s true.

When he says he’s broken I try to reassure him. I tell him he’s not. But I don’t ever let him talk about it because I think he’s feeling down because of the job situation. I should reassure him but also allow him to vent his frustrations. While I think I’m being supportive, he thinks I not listening.

Another matter is his new job prospect. He’s excited about it. He wants to tell me all about the company and the benefits and how much he wants to work there. I’ve seen this before. He gets really excited about a job opportunity and then he’s crushed if it doesn’t work out. He gets me all excited about it too. And then I’m crushed too. So I prefer to remain cautiously optimistic. I don’t want to jump on the celebration bandwagon just yet. But then it looks, to him, like I’m not being supportive. I need to find the right combination of “Yay!” and “that would be good.”

On the other hand, and perhaps it’s all in my mind, I see a less than enthusiastic Lion when it comes to play. Even if he’s horny and happy to be playing, I get a little sigh of disappointment when I bring out certain toys. I know he doesn’t like Velcro, but the other night I pulled out clothespins and he sighed. Not that I want him to jump up and down and shout, “hip, hip, hurray!” but a little less annoyance (for want of a better word) would be appreciated. It doesn’t make me look forward to playing with him if I think it’s not making him happy on any level.

That being said, yesterday he was happy to be in the sling. At least until I pulled out the menthol rub. In his defense, he didn’t sigh. I think he was happy I didn’t use the newer stuff. And things were going fine until I put too much on his balls. Way too much. I had to let him loose so he could wash it off. Strike one.

After he was safely secured in the sling again I began to stroke him and suck him. Then I decided to alternate that with some swats. I’d get him almost to the edge and then swat him. Finally I took him to the edge over and over. Until I got a little too close and gave him a ruined orgasm. I knew it was bound to happen. Stupid lioness. I just pressed my luck one too many times. Strike two.

I’m hoping Lion rebounds enough to play today. I really don’t want to waste the last day of our weekend because of a ruined orgasm.

BalloonThe energy in an enforced chastity relationship can leak out like air from a balloon. What’s left in the end is a sad, wrinkled, little rubber sack. The bright, party color is still vibrant, but the energy is gone. Nothing looks sadder than a deflated balloon on the littered floor of last night’s party. So much promise, so much past joy. The empty chastity device now relegated to the sock drawer is another sad symbol of unrealized promise. It’s there because someone forgot that enforced chastity is not only about sex.

Most people who try enforced chastity do it as a form of BDSM play. The chastity device is used as a form of bondage. Some people, like us, see enforced chastity as a full-time power exchange. Like that party balloon, the beginning is full of promise. It grows with each breath, larger and larger. Thoughts of the coming party are inescapable. The joy of something new!

Like any relationship, enforced chastity has a “honeymoon” phase. Most chastity blogs document this phase very well; so many new things to try. Sooner or later, the honeymoon is over. There aren’t many new things to try. The power exchange, while established, needs a lot of energy to keep alive. Both partners have to remain committed to their agreement. Enforced chastity and FLR is an intricate dance.

Realistically, it is unlikely that both partners will remain fully motivated all the time. Too many other things in life can intrude. If the keyholder loses interest, the presence of the chastity device on her partner is a powerful reminder that she agreed to take charge. Often that is enough to keep things going. But what happens if he loses interest? It’s true that he may be locked up. But if he is unhappy and asks to be unlocked, a new keyholder is quite likely to agree. In the beginning (which can be a year or more), she has assumed her role because she loves her partner and wants to do what makes him happy. If he appears genuinely unhappy with the new arrangement, she has no reason to continue.

It’s very true that in most power exchanges, the dominant partner “makes” the submissive partner do what he wants done to him. The power exchange is a form of sexual play, not a real power exchange. A guy asking for enforced male chastity wants to be prevented from having sex; at least for a while. He may grow bored with that. In many cases, the couple drops it and finds other things to do. We added a female led relationship and domestic discipline to our mix. These can get old too.

Many women don’t want to continue something that isn’t working for there partners. More significantly, exercising authority over activities they don’t really care about is work that they aren’t very committed to continuing. It comes down to WIIFM (What’s In It For Me). Both partners need to perceive a benefit if the power exchange is to survive. The power exchange has a life of its own. It has to provide each partner with real benefits they couldn’t get any other way.

In most cases, one partner will get more benefit than the other. In the beginning, the male generally is the primary beneficiary. His fantasies are coming to life. During this honeymoon, the keyholder has a chance to discover her benefits. Our blog gets visited by keyholders searching for meaning in their new roles. What most guys don’t realize is that people, male and female alike, don’t really want direct control over another person. Too many caged males think that the power they surrender is benefit enough for their keyholders. In some cases that’s true. In most it isn’t nearly enough.

Let’s assume that the authority along with other less tangible benefits make FLR and enforced chastity attractive to a keyholder. As she gets more independent and into her role, her partner starts feeling buyer’s remorse. Maybe he made a mistake. He can feel resistance growing. She is really calling the shots. He isn’t being consulted. He starts expressing his unhappiness. She, because she loves him, feels guilty that she is making him unhappy. You can guess what happens next.

There is no one to remind her that he asked for it. He agreed to continue without a chance to quit. That doesn’t matter. His partner and keyholder is prepared to accept his veto. This may seem surprising. She’s been perfectly happy punishing him for breaking her rules. Why? Because he asked for that. Now he is losing interest. This is the crucial crossroad that determines if the power exchange is durable or temporary.

If he is unhappy, but his keyholder intends to keep the power exchange alive, she has to take action. The fantasies say she should punish him for wanting to quit. This is very unlikely to do much good. It’s time for the talk. The keyholder, in this case, is a parent. She has to lovingly let her man know that she understands things don’t look very good to him right now. However, there is an agreement in place that she expects him to honor. A good way to help get things back on track is to give him a clear challenge with a reward for success. Perhaps tell him that he will be locked up (if he isn’t at the moment) in his chastity device and if he is obedient and cheerful for a week, she will unlock him and give him the orgasm of his choice. If not, he will be punished and his wait will be a week longer for each offense.

The key is to refuse to end the power exchange and to refocus him by giving him a very specific assignment with a desirable reward for success. It is very likely his loss of interest is due to his need for more focus. He wants to know that you are in firm control. He needs something specific to bring his surrender into sharp focus. He has to learn he is loved but that he has forever lost the control he surrendered. He will learn to love his role. Even if he doesn’t, he will learn to live with it. He made his bed. He will continue to sleep in it.