We’ve been hearing from people who are finding some growing pains getting into enforced chastity. One comment came from Lori:
My husband & I are trying the WLM & he is caged. My problem is we’re so new & was excited in the beginning but so many distractions. He agreed to certain behaviors as part of the process, we don’t use any discipline yet & he doesn’t stick with his part of what we discussed before we jumped into this. He has surgery back in Dec 2015 & still has a lot of pain, I just want to start from scratch like we were never doing this to start with. Any suggestions on what we can do to regain out marriage? It was enjoyable when we started last year now not so much.
This sounds like classic buyer’s remorse. The key phrase in this comment, to me at least, is “…we jumped into this.” Of course, from this short note it’s hard to tell exactly what the initial discussions covered. Clearly, your husband’s fantasy didn’t match the reality. That’s not terribly surprising.
My suggestion is to do a reset. Start over completely. It’s probably a good idea to wait until he is out of pain before starting again. This time, you may want to keep things simple and easy to follow at the start. Perhaps begin with simply locking him up. Unlock him for teasing and give him frequent orgasms. Slowly extend his wait time. Once you have the enforced chastity in hand, you might want to begin FLR with a few simple rules. Have him agree to follow them. I would suggest punishment for not obeying a rule. You both should discuss this.
I think the most important thing to do in the beginning is to agree on what will happen and then communicate as you go along. You are beginning a very significant change in your relationship dynamic. It will take time and lots of conversation to get it moving in the right direction. He may be disappointed that it isn’t following his fantasy, but then that isn’t the point. Right?
It appears that expectations and reality have clashed. That’s not surprising. It could be that a year from now your FLR will be just what he imagined, but in the beginning both of you have a lot to learn.