Buyer’s Remorse

We’ve been hearing from people who are finding some growing pains getting into enforced chastity. One comment came from Lori:

My husband & I are trying the WLM & he is caged. My problem is we’re so new & was excited in the beginning but so many distractions. He agreed to certain behaviors as part of the process, we don’t use any discipline yet & he doesn’t stick with his part of what we discussed before we jumped into this. He has surgery back in Dec 2015 & still has a lot of pain, I just want to start from scratch like we were never doing this to start with. Any suggestions on what we can do to regain out marriage? It was enjoyable when we started last year now not so much.

This sounds like classic buyer’s remorse. The key phrase in this comment, to me at least, is “…we jumped into this.” Of course, from this short note it’s hard to tell exactly what the initial discussions covered. Clearly, your husband’s fantasy didn’t match the reality. That’s not terribly surprising.

My suggestion is to do a reset. Start over completely. It’s probably a good idea to wait until he is out of pain before starting again. This time, you may want to keep things simple and easy to follow at the start. Perhaps begin with simply locking him up. Unlock him for teasing and give him frequent orgasms. Slowly extend his wait time. Once you have the enforced chastity in hand, you might want to begin FLR with a few simple rules. Have him agree to follow them. I would suggest punishment for not obeying a rule. You both should discuss this.

I think the most important thing to do in the beginning is to agree on what will happen and then communicate as you go along. You are beginning a very significant change in your relationship dynamic. It will take time and lots of conversation to get it moving in the right direction. He may be disappointed that it isn’t following his fantasy, but then that isn’t the point. Right?

It appears that expectations and reality have clashed. That’s not surprising. It could be that a year from now your FLR will be just what he imagined, but in the beginning both of you have a lot to learn.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion's first mouth soaping was 7/17.

Posted in Keyholder101, Lion's Journal
6 comments on “Buyer’s Remorse
  1. John says:

    You’re probably right about buyers (locked up side) remorse, but there’s certainly a break in period. We often forget as experienced chastity fans, it takes a while to get used to it. And I think your advice is spot on. Let the newly locked man get used to the experienced with lots of positive reinforcement.

  2. Bear says:

    Hi Lion, I know you and Mrs. Lion have had great success with a chastity cage, but maybe these folks should start with old-fashioned obedience. When I see a phrase like “he doesn’t stick with his part”, it suggests that his mind-set isn’t quite right, that he hasn’t committed himself fully to his submission – in which case having a cage is probably not going to help. Or maybe it’s simply that the scope of their WLM was too broad at first.
    Perhaps this couple should start with D/s in just one aspect of their life, and use voluntary obedience (with a bit of discipline or punishment if needed) to stabilize their new relationship, before they extend it to a full WLM with a cock cage.
    Bear

    • Caged Lion says:

      I think that a lot of people practice enforced chastity without any D/S or other more general power exchange. In fact, it may be too much at the start. I think it is best to start slow and make it fun for both. After all, this is consensual.

  3. Tom Allen says:

    “Enforced” chastity is one of those things that sounds pretty hot, but *while you’re in the middle of it* is sometimes difficult to process.

    It’s easy to dismiss it with “Oh, he’s just not being submissive enough,” but wearing a cage is inconvenient and often uncomfortable. Like anything else, it takes practice to work up to doing so for longer periods.

    As to any other behaviors, it’s the same situation. Punishment or maintenance spankings are pretty exciting to think about, but (especially for newbs) painful when you’re actually doing them.

    Nobody… at least, very few people can jump right into the deep end. Working up to it a little at a time is important.

    • Caged Lion says:

      My experience maps to your comment. It took some time to find and adapt to a chastity device. Similarly, I had to “learn” to live with longer waits between orgasms. I second your statement about spankings; a totally hot idea that is horrible in real life, at least for me.

  4. Ralph says:

    I have the classic CB 6000. Six years ago I purchased it as kind of a new sex toy. My girl friend thought it was weird but later she came around to insuring that I was always locked up. After the short version came out I purchased it and found it to be much more comfortable than the original long version. About a month ago the short version split (I believe they ultra-sonically welded the two halves together). So I epoxyed them together and all is well. However, my girlfriend, a week ago, left for 10 days in Florida, before I fixed the short version. So I have been wearing the long version until she returns. I have been in chastity for so many years now that even the longer version feels comfortable. One must always be patient particularly when those early morning erections demand attention – go pee and they will subside.

What do you think?