I’ve had the chance to talk to a few men who were curious about enforced chastity. They had heard of it and decided to dig deeper. I, in turn, got a chance to learn what assumptions they were holding on the subject. Generally, they assumed that enforced male chastity is an extremely kinky practice. Their impressions were reinforced by pictures of chastity devices. They assumed these devices were painful, medieval torture machines and that any man who would willingly wear one was incredibly deviant.
Well, my Jail Bird doesn’t exactly look cozy and welcoming. I can see how it would be easy to assume that being forced to wear one of these would be a painful experience. Other devices look even more ferocious.
Another assumption is that this device is worn as a “punishment” and that there was no sexual activity during the time the guy had to wear it. Nobody imagined that anyone actually wore one of these things all the time. When I pointed out that in fact, I have had mine on for years, the interviewer began talking with me like I was a dangerous psychotic. What normal male would subject himself to such torture for years on end? One guy actually asked me that question.
There’s no question that until very recently very few people even knew there was such a thing as enforced male chastity. Until Fifty Shades of Grey most people never knew about BDSM. We belong to a very exclusive fraternity.
Once we get past the obligatory amazement that I would subject myself to such torture, the education begins. My first point is that wearing my chastity device is not painful, not even uncomfortable. When I say that I often forget that it is even there, my words are greeted with disbelief. “Really,” I say, “it’s true. I am completely comfortable.”
Then we get to the subject of sex. The first question is whether I have had to give up sex? I laugh and say, “Oh no.” The next few minutes cover edging, ruined orgasms, and the fun of being tree-humping horny. Invariably, at the beginning the questioner says, “I could never do that.” I disregard that statement. After discussing the way Mrs. Lion and I practice enforced chastity, the comment is a wonderous, “Really?”
I’m very sure I haven’t converted anyone to this practice. I never wanted to. My point is always that what we do may be unusual, it isn’t necessarily crazy. As a couple, we get very significant value from enforced chastity. It’s helped us handle issues that were causing us pain and were building a gap between us. What we do isn’t about hardware. It also isn’t all about the power exchange. I think it is about consistent communication. We aren’t that different from other couples who never heard of enforced chastity. It’s just that we have found a simple tool that brings us closer and makes us both happier people.
By the end of the conversation, there is acknowledgment that what we do seems strange in some ways, but in other, more important ways, it is a unique solution to problems that plague most couples. No matter what my questioner thinks about what we do, he has to realize it works for us.