Enforced chastity seems to be one of those things that are exceedingly easy to quit. Here’s what typically happens: He proposes enforced chastity. He has been reading about it for a long time. Finally he gets up the nerve to ask his partner. She tentatively agrees. They get a device, he puts it on, and they begin. She decides to learn more and begins doing her own online research. She reads about FLR and what other keyholders do. She may have found our site and follows our growth. She gets more enthusiastic about enforced chastity and FLR.
Meanwhile, he is discovering that a lot of the time between his orgasms is not filled with arousing activity. Life goes on; only now with him locked into an uncomfortable chastity device. In the beginning, most guys get inexpensive devices that are less than comfortable to wear. That discomfort moves to the center of his attention and he lets her know he isn’t a happy camper.
Our baby keyholder isn’t yet a confident leader. She’s doing what she understands to be her role, but he isn’t reacting the way he should. Then life intrudes. A job is lost. Someone gets sick. It’s time to move. Both of you are consumed solving a problem. Or, you disagree about something important. The new roles go out the window. Old patterns return. Momentum has been lost. It isn’t long before the device comes off and enforced chastity and FLR become memories.
I think that the reason this happens so often is the very nature of this experience. Enforced male chastity and FLR are full-time power exchanges. New roles are established for both members of the relationship. These roles are very different from the ones we have had our entire lives, at least up to now. So, if things get tough, the old, comfortable roles return.
The only way to prevent reverting is for one or both partners to consciously stop the slipping and put the power exchange back on track. Here’s where timing comes in. At the start, the man who has asked for enforced chastity is the engine that drives the power exchanges. His fantasies and excitement provide energy to his less enthusiastic partner. Over time, she will find her dominant center and the power balance will shift slowly. During this transition both partners can feel some discomfort and uncertainty. That certainly happened with Mrs. Lion and I. Things start feeling very real.
It’s at this stage that things can quickly go wrong. As he (me) is surrendering power, he is also feeling a little uncertain about what he has done. It won’t take very much to end the adventure. Both partners are uncomfortable. Why not quit? This the end for many people. I think that in many cases, giving up is the right decision. Perhaps there are important reasons to continue. Now is the time to discard the fantasies and take a cold, hard look at what has happened.
Things end in two ways: they slowly drift into disuse and quietly die. Or they explode like fireworks and go out in a blaze of rage and hurt. Enforced chastity tends to die of disuse. The caged male loses interest. His partner, not completely convinced the practice is what she really wants to do, shrugs her shoulders and lets it slip away. Sound familiar?
Tomorrow, let’s look at what can be done to bring the power exchange back to life and I’ll share some of the mistakes we’ve made along the way.
To Be Continued