I’ve been looking forward to this Friday for a very long time. It’s a long weekend. Memorial Day weekend. We aren’t scheduled to go anywhere and I think it’s supposed to rain (no surprise there), so I’m hoping I get some time to vegetate. There should be time for chores, errands, vegetation, and play.

Last night Lion announced he thought he was frisky. He hasn’t been for a few days. He’s been saying he’s broken again. He asked what we’d do if he is broken. I told him he isn’t and proceeded to edge him a few times to prove it. He didn’t last as long as he might have wanted, but at least he still works. He does bring up an interesting point though. What would we do if he is broken?

First, let me say I think we’re a long way off from Lion not wanting sex. For a few days, sure, but forever? Not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe when he’s 90 or 100. We’ve got time. He’ll be a dirty, old man for a long time to come. So when he does finally reach that point, we will be happy snuggling with each other. Will he still be caged? Lion says he’ll be caged until he dies, but if he reaches a point when he doesn’t want sex anymore, it makes little sense to keep him caged. Again, I’m not talking about lulls like he’s had lately. I mean if he doesn’t want sex for months on end.

That doesn’t mean I’ll abandon him sexually. We may go back to a more sex-on-demand arrangement. Lion may be upset hearing that, knowing that the arrangement we had prior to enforced chastity was more of a no-sex-at-all deal. But there must be something in the middle. If his libido is hit and miss, we’ll figure out some way to work with it. I refuse to go back to the way things were before I locked him up. If Lion wants sexual attention he will get it.

Every so often I wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. The other night I was up a couple of times. While trying to get back to sleep, I began a mental inventory of changes in my life. The first one that I thought of was that every single sexual experience I have had in over two years has been published on the Internet. A lot of people read about each and every one. It’s a very odd way to be a public figure. By my middle-of-the-night reckoning, over three-quarters-of-a-million words on this blog discuss every sexual detail. That’s a lot of words about something so small as my penis.

Of course it’s not that simple. Most of the conversation has been around the power exchanges Mrs. Lion and I have made. The real subject matter is how sexual surrender has affected our lives. That’s the interesting part, I think. Stories are interesting because they describe change. Certainly, in our case, the changes have been sporadic and not without stress and worry. For us, at least, enforced male chastity is about bringing sex into the foreground in our marriage. This hasn’t been easy. A lot of serious issues conspire to distract us.

These issues range from loss of income to illness. Each one is a valid reason to move anything sexual to the back burner. We work hard to avoid that because once it gets moved into the background, it is very difficult to get it back in our lives where it belongs. I always thought that by wearing the chastity device I was making it more difficult for Mrs. Lion to let sexual inertia set in. I never considered that I too needed the device to keep me focused on sex too.

I’ve been “wild” the last few days. During my early morning musings I realized that my interest in sex has been lower than usual. I couldn’t blame it on economic uncertainty. It’s true that today is my last day working under my present contract. I will be out of work at 5PM today. But I am in the advance stage of being hired full time by a wonderful company. I have every reason to be optimistic. But still, I am happy to put sex on the back burner and leave the cage on my nightstand.

This is a new situation. In the past, even if Mrs. Lion was indifferent whether or not I am wearing a chastity device, I always made sure to remind her that I was unlocked and in danger of being naughty. Not this time. I suppose you could say that this post is a reminder to her. Well, it is in a way. I think it is more an admission that at this point in our power exchange I am more than happy to let things slide.

I don’t think either of us wants to let enforced chastity slip out of our lives. But what happens when neither of us is particularly motivated. If I’m not horny, even 2.0 is apparently willing to let me take a pass on edging and other play. She’s very understanding for a bitch. As she has said, if I am not interested in sex, there is nothing she can do to change that. I don’t know if that is correct or not. Certainly, if one of us is sick or very tired, there is a good reason to postpone stimulation. But what if we are both not interested?

I think the answer to this question is the most important. Based on our experience to date, I think that our commitment to continue enforced chastity is not something that we can end, even if we both want that to happen. Enforced chastity is not just a commitment to keep my penis locked up. It’s much more than that. It’s a commitment to keep sex alive between us and, even more importantly, assure we are physically intimate with one another. The cage doesn’t belong on my nightstand. We know where it should be.

 

Lion was surprised by my post yesterday. He didn’t realize how adamant I am about sharing him with anyone – even him. Why wouldn’t I be? Isn’t that the whole point of male chastity? Well, maybe not the whole point, but one of the major points. He shouldn’t be able to touch himself. No one else should be able to either. And he was surprised a while ago when I said I considered him masturbating to be the same as cheating with another woman (or man, for that matter, although Lion doesn’t swing that way). Why wouldn’t I? Cheating is cheating.

On one hand, I think Lion is worried I’m that controlling. Maybe it’s just difficult for him to get his mind wrapped around it. On the other hand, he’s very happy. My reactions may not be something he’s anticipated, but I think they’re welcome. He said yesterday that he doesn’t want to regain the control he’s lost. And, I think, he wants me to be more controlling.

We took a survey the other night that dealt with BDSM. It wasn’t very helpful. It only showed us the things that he said “Yes!” to and the I said “if my partner wants to do it”. I guess it was designed to open a dialog. It didn’t. I think it would have been more helpful if it highlighted the things Lion wanted but I thought were out. Like using him as a piece of furniture, for example. What if Lion said “Yes!” and I said no because I think that’s too weird or because I thought we were in agreement that that’s too weird? We would never know, based on the survey. Of course, that’s just an example. I assume if we both said no it also would not have shown up in the results. Lion said the point was not to make either of us feel uncomfortable. I suppose. But at least that would have opened a dialog. “I want to try this.” “Are you insane?” “Nope. It looks like fun.” “It’s too weird.” See? Not necessarily a constructive dialog, but a dialog nonetheless.

Actually, our conversations are less judgmental than that. Lion usually suggests something and I’ve learned not to react to the first thing that jumps into my mind. I ask questions because I know he’s done his homework on the subject. He gives me a while to get my head wrapped around it. Then I ask more questions if I need to. And we decide if we can make it work. It either works or we tinker with it or we decide it’s not something we want to pursue.

At any rate, I need to figure out how to take more control. Clearly Lion wants it. 2.0 is willing.

I’ve been wild (uncaged) the last two days. I asked Mrs. Lion to let me out for an important job interview on Tuesday (it went very well). Tuesday night she felt under the weather so she left me wild. Of course, as she wrote yesterday, that newfound freedom ended last night. Most of the time I was uncaged I forgot it wasn’t there. That says a lot for the comfort I feel in the Jail Bird.

We regularly get questions about whether long term wear of a chastity device makes permanent changes to the wearer. About a year ago I was convinced that I had a red circle from the base ring permanently marking me. That proved to be untrue. I was also convinced that the constant wearing of the base ring caused me to “shrink” there and required a smaller diameter ring. I went so far as to order one 1/8th inch smaller. Wearing it chafed me. I then ordered one only 1/16th inch smaller. It too was painful. Clearly I didn’t need to downsize.

As far as I can tell, long term wear doesn’t have any lasting effects on my junk. For the record, the cage part of my chastity device is very short, only 1 1/4 inches long. After wearing it for a while, if I try to get hard especially, “grill” marks appear on the head where it was pressed against the bars. They aren’t painful or inflamed, just bar-shaped dents. After an hour or less out of the cage they disappear. So, fear not. Wearing a chastity device full time has not done any permanent damage to me.

A couple of other things have changed. When out of my cage, I have no desire to sexually touch myself. I can’t claim that this loss of interest is due to some submissive revelation. It’s just because my physical inability to do it over more than two years has gotten me out of the habit of thinking I can. I’ve forgotten that I can get myself off; at least in a physical sense.

The biggest change is that I no longer expect ejaculation to be the result of sexual stimulation. In fact, most of the time when Mrs. Lion decides to get me off, I’m surprised when the orgasm isn’t stopped before it starts. I ask myself why this is happening now? Mrs. Lion almost never announces that I will be getting an orgasm. So, it’s generally a surprise. My “normal” sexual experience is to be edged. I expect the build up and am prepared for the stop before I can ejaculate. I suppose that’s a lasting change.

My theory is that the reason so many guys ask about permanent changes is that they are starting to realize chastity isn’t something they can start an stop. The realization that someone else now has full sexual control is a bit frightening. It could be that they almost hope that there will be permanent changes so that there is a weak-but-potential “out” for them when the going gets rough. In my case, the real permanent change is that I have learned to like surrendering control. I would be very unhappy if I got it back.