My recent posts have stimulated a very interesting discussion. One part of it is about how we males change in relation to when we had our last orgasm. There is no question in my mind that these reactions vary widely based on both our individual hormonal makeup and our age. One thing that everyone seems to agree to is that we do feel differently before we come and once we finally ejaculate. Most of the enforced chastity fantasies are based, at least in part, on these changes.
Let’s agree that there are physiological and psychological changes brought on by the level of male sexual desire. I suggest that the most graphic example of this is before and after ejaculation. But it isn’t that simple. I go through periods when I’m just not horny. At those times I just don’t care about sex. Other times I am tree-humping horny. This happens even if there hasn’t been an orgasm in days.
In my case, my interest in another orgasm is vastly diminished for a day or two after I come. That doesn’t mean I would turn a chance to come down. It’s just that I am perfectly happy not to have sex. My interest in coming grows as time goes by. It peaks on the fifth or sixth day. It starts fading again after a couple of weeks. That’s my cycle. I’m sure that other guys experience stronger changes. But that’s not the point.
The fantasies say that a guy’s interest in being loving and pleasing his partner also changes after he gets to ejaculate. I can understand that. One very nice motivation to give the keyholder lots of great orgasms comes from the sexual excitement the guy gets by providing this pleasure. I love the taste, feel and smell of a woman I am stimulating. If I happen to want an orgasm myself, the fun is amplified.
So, from that perspective it’s true that a horny guy will be more enthusiastic about giving his partner sexual pleasure. That doesn’t mean, at least in my case, that if I’m not horny I will try to avoid providing sexual service. It’s amazing fun whether or not I want sex. Will my partner notice the difference? Probably. Will she care as long as she knows I am having fun? I don’t think so.
The most serious accusation the fantasies level at guys is that we are less loving and caring if we aren’t horny. Think about that. Is the main reason we are with our partners that they can get us off? Is it really true that if we masturbate, we remove that reason and then become more distant and less loving?
I absolutely disagree. I love sex with Mrs. Lion. I crave her touch. But even if we don’t ever have sex again, I don’t care. I love her with all my heart. I want to hold her hand, hug her, and kiss her. I would love to spend all my time with her. I feel this way when I’m horny and that doesn’t change after I come.
The reasons the fantasies say the opposite is that they objectify us into sex driven creatures who are incapable of action that isn’t driven by our cocks. That’s silly, but it’s also hot. A lot of guys love to imagine themselves in that situation. They get turned on thinking of themselves reduced to this primal state. I find it hot too.
But there is no way I try to make my life into that simplistic fantasy. It might be hot to think of oneself as a human vibrator, but the reality is that if you want to live a FLR or enforced chastity lifestyle, you need to accept a more complex reality; a reality that starts and ends with a loving relationship.
Everything you said in this post rings true, Lion. There’s very little that makes me happier, or more rewarded, than bringing my wife to a good spine-cracking orgasm, whether or not I’m horny myself (although those times are rather rare now…). That’s especially wonderful, because there’s a clear climax, but I also hugely enjoy other physical expressions of caring – stroking her hair, or a long gentle back-rub as she drifts off to sleep.
As you’ve both repeatedly pointed out though, that stuff is only part of a real relationship. I enjoy every minute with my wife, even if what we’re doing is far from fun (think of dealing with the IRS, for example). Our disagreements are rare and very mild, but as far as the rest of the world is concerned, I’m always on her side, and she on mine. That’s a very secure feeling.
Of course, I’ve not had an orgasm in nearly two weeks, but even if the stars aligned and she gave me a couple this evening, I’d still feel the same way, and just as strongly. I feel incredibly lucky all the time, just because we’re together.
“Compersion” is a word associated with the poly community, meaning a sense of joy that one’s lover/partner is experiencing romantic feelings with a new partner. (This is not in any way the same as the popular cuckolding fantasy – rather it arises from a complete lack of jealousy.) A related term, but one without sexual or romantic overtones, is the Buddhist term “mudita”, which is unselfish joy about another’s good fortune. Knowing how wonderful it is being in love with my partner, I also feel much mudita for your happy Lion family.
Thank you for your very kind words. I’m glad that you also enjoy the kind of love we have. One of the most significant challenges when writing a blog like ours is to communicate that the kink exists to serve the love we share.
I’d say you pretty much nailed it with respect to that challenge.