The Power Of The Paddle

Some of the issues that come up when we think about domestic discipline and the other power exchanges discussed on this blog are relevant to vanilla relationships as well. This is particularly true of domestic discipline.

This may seem odd at first. But think about what happens in a typical relationship if one partner upsets the other. In most cases there is no overt response, but there are hurt feelings and a storehouse of anger begins to fill. Over time, this anger leaks out in the form of passive-aggressive hostility, over reaction to small things, or alienation. In short, there are eventual consequences to any discord.

The domestic discipline power exchange offers an avenue for one partner to deal with behavioral issues. What about me, the disciplined husband? Do things my lioness do that annoys me mount up until there is an explosion of some kind? Has domestic discipline only half solved the problem? I don’t think so.

Any power exchange, sexual or otherwise, represents a special kind of communication between the partners. There is two-way trust. The dominant partner trusts that strict exercise of power will not end the partnership. The submissive partner trusts the dominant partner is acting out of love and concern.

Both people are consciously playing their roles with the assurance that doing so will not hurt what they already have. In my many years involved in the BDSM world, I have seen almost no cases of power exchanges resulting in abuse. I think the reason is that both members recognize the exceptional level of trust that is involved. They also know, or will quickly learn, that the only way the power exchange will succeed is if they constantly communicate about what is going on.

It’s this communication, not the surrender and control, that I think makes the difference. If I trust Mrs. Lion to arbitrarily beat me when she feels I need punishment, then I certainly trust that I can let her know if something is bothering me. Similarly, if Mrs. Lion understands that she can truly hurt me or prevent me from having sex when I desperately want it, she also has to understand that I won’t turn on her and hurt her, or hate her when she exercises her control.

I’ve come to understand that the combination of trust and communication is the forge that creates durable relationships. That denial and those spankings are much more than hot BDSM activities. They are the tools that continue building an unshakable, lifelong partnership.

One comment on “The Power Of The Paddle
  1. Anonymous says:

    This explanation is frequently given in support of domestic discipline: “In most cases there is no overt response, but there are hurt feelings and a storehouse of anger begins to fill. Over time, this anger leaks out in the form of passive-aggressive hostility, over reaction to small things, or alienation. In short, there are eventual consequences to any discord.”

    That begs the question: Why can’t there be an overt response, some sort of attempt to rectify the situation/apology, and forgiveness without the need for one partner to knowingly inflict physical pain on the other?

    I’ve read many posts from DD wives, and they suggest that they spank their husband to “vent” or for “payback” or simply until they “feel better.” That just strikes me as an odd foundation for running a marriage. It also seems like it takes care of the wife’s feelings, but does nothing (good) for the man, unless he is so overwhelmed with guilt that he craves some avenue for penance.

    You were paddled very hard just last week. The pain lasted into the next day. You had no resentment over that?

    Mrs. Lion says she “fires away” until she thinks you’ve “had enough” and then goes a “bit further,” which begs the question of when you have “had enough” and what dictates that.

    There’s never an issue that a DD wife is going beyond what a man can reasonably tolerate or imposing punishment where he disputes the underlying reason for it? I never see this addressed and find it incredible that it never happens.

What do you think?