Some of the issues that come up when we think about domestic discipline and the other power exchanges discussed on this blog are relevant to vanilla relationships as well. This is particularly true of domestic discipline.
This may seem odd at first. But think about what happens in a typical relationship if one partner upsets the other. In most cases there is no overt response, but there are hurt feelings and a storehouse of anger begins to fill. Over time, this anger leaks out in the form of passive-aggressive hostility, over reaction to small things, or alienation. In short, there are eventual consequences to any discord.
The domestic discipline power exchange offers an avenue for one partner to deal with behavioral issues. What about me, the disciplined husband? Do things my lioness do that annoys me mount up until there is an explosion of some kind? Has domestic discipline only half solved the problem? I don’t think so.
Any power exchange, sexual or otherwise, represents a special kind of communication between the partners. There is two-way trust. The dominant partner trusts that strict exercise of power will not end the partnership. The submissive partner trusts the dominant partner is acting out of love and concern.
Both people are consciously playing their roles with the assurance that doing so will not hurt what they already have. In my many years involved in the BDSM world, I have seen almost no cases of power exchanges resulting in abuse. I think the reason is that both members recognize the exceptional level of trust that is involved. They also know, or will quickly learn, that the only way the power exchange will succeed is if they constantly communicate about what is going on.
It’s this communication, not the surrender and control, that I think makes the difference. If I trust Mrs. Lion to arbitrarily beat me when she feels I need punishment, then I certainly trust that I can let her know if something is bothering me. Similarly, if Mrs. Lion understands that she can truly hurt me or prevent me from having sex when I desperately want it, she also has to understand that I won’t turn on her and hurt her, or hate her when she exercises her control.
I’ve come to understand that the combination of trust and communication is the forge that creates durable relationships. That denial and those spankings are much more than hot BDSM activities. They are the tools that continue building an unshakable, lifelong partnership.