Well, it’s Monday again and I almost forgot to write a post. It’s been one of those days. Plus there’s not much to write about.
Lion’s still not horny. And now he’s getting upset that he’s not horny. He’s still in pain from his shoulder and I’m pretty sure that has a lot to do with his unhorniness. Taking the pain pills, which he does only when absolutely necessary, makes him less horny.
Of course, this could just be another one of his lulls, but it happened exactly when he started physical therapy. He came home in a lot of pain that first night and wondered if he should continue. I think it’s probably gotten a little easier to take since then.
Last night we just snuggled. That’s fine with me. I like snuggling. All of the closeness and less of the frenzy of sex. I unlocked Lion early in the evening so he could clean the cage and have a shower. Just before bed I locked him up. He grumbled a bit about being locked up again. He said he’s tired of it. I told him it was too bad. He grumbled some more about not wanting to be in the cage.
I know he’s in his doldrums at the moment. I won’t take his grumbling very seriously. If he really wanted out of the cage for good, we’d be having a far different conversation. The only thing grumbling will get him is swats. I know he doesn’t want swats. I also know that fairly soon he’ll be horny again and he’ll forget that he ever wanted the cage off. I may forget a lot of things, but I remember that Lion has ups and downs. We get through them together.
This past weekend was a peaceful one. We had local errands to run but no required destinations. We went to Costco, the grocery store, and had lunch on Saturday at a local barbecue restaurant. There was nothing sexual on Saturday night since I came on Friday. Today, Sunday, I’m not feeling particularly interested in sex. Of course that can change as the day goes on. We have lioness and lionscaping planned for today. I will be removing Mrs. Lion’s very light leg hair. She will be keeping my pubic area bare.
I know that some people consider personal service to their disciplining wife / keyholder a sexy part of submission. It has never been part of my fantasies. I think of it as a way I can do something to help make Mrs. Lion’s life easier and more pleasant. Activities like removing her leg hair aren’t sexy to me. Well, she doesn’t find keeping me hairless sexy either.
So many accounts of male submission feature elaborate pampering routines for the dominant female. They also include descriptions of sexy outfits, high heels, makeup, and other accoutrements. I’ve never understood the appeal. That means our D/S activities are based on things applied to me and not on how Mrs. Lion looks or how I personally serve her.
D/S has a language that spans verbal, visual, and sensation expression. There are many dialects. Some include leather costumes and six-inch heels. Others have catch phrases and words that resonate with the participants. On top of that there are the actions that evoke submissive or dominant behavior. Submission to some is powerfully symbolized by providing personal service and unreciprocated sexual pleasure to the dominant partner. Bathing, shaving, and massaging the dominant partner is a significant turn on to many. Others fall into a submissive/servile state by performing these tasks.
I’m not wired that way. I don’t think Mrs. Lion is either. My big turn on is losing control. That’s why I get very aroused with Mrs. Lion ties me to the bed. Wearing the chastity device also feeds that kink. So, while some guys get very aroused bathing their partners, I am aroused when tied down or blindfolded. Different strokes..
My post yesterday about being annoyed at Lion for suggesting that I gave him an orgasm because I wasn’t feeling well when he wanted to wait until he was feeling better is further proof that our communication is not quite where it needs to be. Later in the day he was annoyed at himself for not being horny. Still later, he wondered if my giving him an orgasm when he wasn’t particularly horny was similar to his giving me one when I didn’t really want one. It’s an interesting theory. Of course, neither one of us knows exactly how the other is feeling, but now that he’s said it I think I understand him a bit more.
And so it goes, through the blog and through our casual conversations, Lion and I are learning more about each other every day. We’ve never really fought about anything. We do annoy each other from time to time. We tend to go off to our own corners and stew about it for a while and then meet in the middle of the ring again and duke it out, so to speak.
“It bothers me when you say X because Y.”
“I didn’t really mean it like that. What I meant was Z.”
“Oh. I didn’t think about Z because a while ago you said Q.”
“Well, yes, but don’t you remember we decided Q was really J?”
Then abracadabra we are back to not being annoyed anymore.
Sometimes one of us (read: me) writes about it in the blog and then it hurts the other one (read: Lion) and the misunderstanding is there in black and white. I make Lion look bad because I hadn’t thought of Z, Q, or J. I get a burr under my saddle and I’m off and running. And Lion is left back at the starting line wondering what happened. Poor Lion. He puts up with so much from me. And I don’t mean my making him wait for an orgasm, or spanking him. He likes those things, even if he doesn’t like them at the time. I mean my tendency to misunderstand him, among other traits that annoy him. (He wants me to take better care of myself like eating salad or going to the doctor when I need to.)
No relationship is perfect, but I wouldn’t trade ours for anything. Misunderstandings, annoyances and all.
It’s been a while since I’ve reacted to Mrs. Lion’s decision on the date when it becomes possible for me to have an orgasm. Friday night was my latest “maybe” date. At some point in our daily email exchange, I noted that the lion weather was cool. That’s our little code about how horny I am. For no good reason, even though I had been waiting a week, I just wasn’t interested in sex. As is her right, she decided to give me one anyway. Of course she can. She can always arouse me.
Yup, I got hard. She edged me a few times. Finally she made me come. Generally I feel relaxed and satisfied after an orgasm. This time I was a little irritated. It wasn’t that the orgasm didn’t feel good. It did. I don’t understand why I wasn’t happy. This is new. To be clear, I wasn’t angry at Mrs. Lion. I just wished she had let me wait a bit longer until this mood passes. I said something to that effect. I hurt her feelings.
That wasn’t my intent. For some reason, I just didn’t want that orgasm while feeling the way I did. There’s nothing in the enforced chastity guide that covers this sort of thing. Until now, I’ve always loved orgasms. It’s confusing to realize I can come but not really want to. It isn’t that I want to wait longer. No, that never crossed my mind.
I always assumed that if I weren’t interested in sex, I wouldn’t get hard. Isn’t an erection the flagpole of sexual interest? Clearly I wanted the sexual attention. The edging was very real and intense. While it was going on, I hoped that Mrs. Lion would leave me unsatisfied. Again, not for the typical enforced chastity reason, but because I felt that I wouldn’t be as fully involved as I like.
Words are failing me. I don’t know how to articulate how I felt. This is completely new to me. I do know that it had nothing to do with my lioness. If I weren’t so intensely attracted to her, I wouldn’t have gotten hard at all. She’s right. She can take an orgasm from me whenever she wants, whether or not I want one at that time.