I didn’t plan on writing about spanking yet again, but we got a comment reacting to my post on domestic discipline spanking. I think this comment reflects reactions we have gotten in the past. Our friend, Anonymous offered a very interesting comment. He began by saying that he has had a lifelong interest in spanking and has been spanked by partners and professionals.
“Still, I read blog post after blog post, and have even submitted to a real punishment spanking from a professional disciplinarian so I could try to understand what DD is all about. I still have a hard time really getting the “why” behind subjecting yourself to such misery.
I’ve always found that DWC description to be pretty ugly, not only what you quoted (“There is no question that welts will be raised and bottoms bruised”) but especially this: ‘Don’t pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits. If it gets out of hand, give him a smack or two on the back of his thighs. If you give a spanking the way it should be given, the results should still show a week later. He should wince every time he tries to sit for days after.’
That seems gratuitously brutal and nasty. It suggests there are few limits to what the wife will do. Many of the posts I see from wives who do this (not your wife) are pretty mean-spirited about the whole thing and pretty cavalier about the distress inflicted on the husband.”
I’m pretty sure that our commentor has experienced strong spankings now and then. He may have even had bruises and welts. I have.
For more than two decades I was a practicing top. I administered hundreds of spankings. Some of them would seem to be brutal and cruel. A few times, dungeon monitors approached to intervene. They didn’t because I have a long reputation as an ethical top. My bottom screamed and cried. I ignored her protests, just the way Aunt Kay instructs. How could I be that unfeeling? The answer is very simple: the bottom didn’t use her safeword. I checked in with her during the ordeal and assured myself she wasn’t in “sub” space or in some other way incapable of telling me to stop. I continued until I felt that she had enough.
I knew when she was “done” through experience with her. I had spanked her many times. When I finished, she lay relaxed on the table with a small smile on her face. After she had time to recover, I got hugs and sincere thanks. I wonder if Anonymous had similar experiences.
When I bottomed, I accepted much more severe spankings than I have ever received as punishment. The difference between those and domestic discipline was twofold: First, my spanker built up the force of the blows, allowing my endorphin release to keep pace. Second, I was in control. I could stop the scene at any time.
Spanking me as a punishment would be ineffective if I could control the intensity and duration of my spanking. While there isn’t a safeword, my protests and cries could have the same effect. The net result is that I would control the activity. That’s not what I want in discipline.
I suspect that the issue for people who consider DD to be cruel and brutal is the perception that the disciplinary wife will administer truly horrid, corporeal punishment. Even those disciplinary wives who write posts on how they punish, if they are real, undoubtedly control the amount of punishment they administer.
It seems to me that what seems brutal and cruel isn’t the punishment, but rather the lack of control that I have as the disciplined husband. As Anonymous said:
“For some reason, I really want to wrap my head around this, but can’t. If I were subjected to what you are subjected to, the last thing I would want to do is “snuggle” or “edge” or anything with my wife. I’d just do what I could to avoid her. All I can come up with is that the emotional “security” or some other feeling this brings up far outweighs the physical trauma.”
The assumption that I am subjected to physical trauma that exceeds what I have enjoyed in a play situation, just isn’t correct. The disciplinary spankings I have received to date are very painful, but aren’t close to the level of “recreational” spankings I have received. The lack of build up makes my disciplinary spankings truly unpleasant. I hate them Aren’t I supposed to feel this way?
The reason I am happy to snuggle and have sexual teasing afterward is because I asked for this lifestyle. Domestic discipline is consensual. I agreed to it. I knew from the beginning that I would be punished in ways I would hate. That’s what makes it punishment. I had no illusions that there would be times I would hate this power exchange. I may want to surrender on one level, but parts of me fights it tooth and nail.
“Is there ever any post-spanking debrief about what was done and how it affected you? If so, does it lead to any adjustments in how it’s handled?”
Yes, we do discuss the punishment and my reactions to it. Most often I ask Mrs. Lion to be less concerned about my reactions and more interested in providing strong correction that will inspire me to be a better lion. For the record, I was spanked last night; 8 swats. I spent the evening watching TV lying on my stomach. I guess it’s quality, not quantity.
I am grateful that Mrs. Lion cares enough to make rules and enforce them. My gratitude for giving me a lifestyle I need far outweighs the temporary discomfort I earn by misbehaving.