A few years ago, a coworker had plans to visit her mother for Thanksgiving. At the last minute, there was an issue at my friend’s house and rather than driving an hour away to spend time with family, she was going to be alone for Thanksgiving. I immediately wanted to invite her to our house. There were a few problems. Despite the fact that we’d been living in our house for several years, we still had boxes here and there and the living room was a mess. The whole house was a mess. Could we clean it in such a short time? The other problem was that Lion didn’t really know my coworker. He’d met her at the office. He’d met her at a function or two, but could he handle her for dinner? So rather than asking my friend to dinner, I first asked Lion if she could come. He had veto power. I was not going to do it unless he agreed. We did manage to get the house clean and that friend has been over a few more times. Lion has even said it would be nice to have her over more often.
Fast forward to this year. A week ago that same friend was wondering if she should get a Christmas tree. I asked her if there was some reason she wouldn’t want one. Her stepfather died this year, she’d lost her cat, and she had her dog put down about a month ago. On black Friday she’d adopted another cat and maybe she wasn’t sure how he would react to a tree with all the flashing lights and sparkly ornaments. That wasn’t her concern. Both her mother and roommate were off visiting family. She’d be alone for Christmas. This time I didn’t hesitate. I said she could have dinner with us.
Now, in the back of my mind I was thinking that Lion had already said she should come over more. But I also knew it didn’t matter. It was my decision. No one should have to spend Christmas alone. Whether Lion liked it or not, she was coming. I emailed him to tell him the news. Of course, he said it was fine. Last night we were discussing it and he said he didn’t even realize I had told him she was coming. He thought I’d asked if it was all right with him, which of course it would be. I’m in charge.
In his post this morning, Lion says maybe I haven’t internalized power yet. I’m not sure I’m all the way there, but this is a good start. It’s one of the first times I’ve put my foot down and told him we were doing something. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t worry if it would be okay. I just said this is how it’s going to be. Period. It was not a question.
I can’t say I’ll be that confident in every decision. But maybe, just maybe, 2.0 is taking over. I’m sure Lion is both happy and a little scared. Don’t worry, my pet. It’s for your own good.