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In: Mrs Lion Comments

Before Lion left on his trip, we were discussing a post or someone else’s post, and I said I still have trouble determining which answer he wants when he asks if I like doing something. Is he in “lie to me” mode and I should play up the fantasy answer? Or is he in “reality” mode and I should answer truthfully. I think he said I’d have to make that determination for myself. Gee, thanks.

I know there have been times when we’ve just finished playing and he’ll ask me if I liked spanking him. Not punishment, but play. And I’m reading the moment to be a “lie to me” moment so I say I do. Then he says, “Really?!” Uh oh. Was that really a “lie to me” moment? Was he looking for a real answer or the further-the-fantasy answer? And his face rarely gives any clues.

This morning we were having an email conversation and he said something about having me control him being quite a change. For him. And I said it was a change for me too. Then he asked if I like the change. Uh oh. Does he want the real answer or the fantasy answer? So I said, “Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. It depends on my mood.” I thought that was sufficiently noncommittal without being my standard, “I don’t know.” Apparently it was too noncommittal.

What I meant was, if I’m in a blah mood or not feeling well, I don’t think about it much. If I’m doing okay then the change is good. But I always like the closeness we have. I know he wants me to enjoy being in charge. I’m not sure I ever will, but ultimately it depends on the kind of day I’m having. If people have annoyed me all day and I just want to vegetate, then being in charge isn’t very appealing. I’ll still do it, of course, but don’t ask me how I feel about it right then because I may not be able to muster the fantasy answer.

Do I ever think, “This is the life! I can order him to make me dinner. I can have him clean the bathroom.”? Nope. I may ask him to make dinner. I may say that I’ve figured out dinner for the past three nights and tonight is his turn to figure it out. I don’t say either of those as an order. If he says he’s very tired and can’t make dinner, I’ll do it. If he says he has meetings till 6 and won’t get home in time to figure out dinner, I’ll do it. It makes no sense to make him do something when he’s tired or will be late.

For a few weeks, I mentioned (maybe two or three times) that it would be nice to have chicken parmesan for dinner. (I’ve also suggested homemade pizza.) I wasn’t nagging. I really thought it would be nice and Lion agreed. They both take a lot of time and work and, since neither of us were feeling well for a while, I knew it was a big ask. One day, when Lion was working from home, he decided to make chicken parm. Yum! I didn’t order him to. He just found the time to do it. And I appreciate that.

By:
In: 2.0, Lion's Journal

When I travel, I love to talk with Mrs. Lion every night. Because I am three time zones away, the earliest I can call is 9pm my time; it’s 6pm at home. On the last night of this trip, we talked about the unexpected changes domestic discipline has made in our relationship.

My motivation to ask Mrs. Lion to be my disciplining wife was twofold: I get turned on thinking about being spanked, and I wanted Mrs. Lion to tell me what I do that bothers her. It’s more than that. I want her to feel she is heard and I will listen. I know that she tends to just suck it up if I do something that bothers her. If she expresses her displeasure and I appear to disregard her, she won’t tell me again.

In a DD relationship she has the right, actually the obligation to not only tell me when I displease her, but also punish me. When we were chatting I admitted that my concept of this was wrong. I thought the spankings would be exciting, but I didn’t believe I would really change.

When lioness 2.0 took permanent residence, punishment became really punishment 2.0 doesn’t hold back. She hits hard and keeps hitting until she thinks I have paid the price for my misdeed. When I get food on my shirt, she hits as hard as she does if I interrupt her. She just limits the spanking to a few swats. If it’s one swat or a hundred, they are hard and really hurt.

A while ago I was spanked for interrupting her. That spanking went on a long time and when she was done, my bottom was very red and liberally bruised. It burned for an hour and hurt into late the next day.I was told that this is what happens if I break a rule. The next day I ate before her. She attacked my bruised butt with full force. She told me that she tried to miss the bruises, but she didn’t let the fact I was still showing the earlier results stop her from a full-force, full-length spanking.

This was all new to both of us. I never imagined a spanking could hurt so much. I think she was a little surprised she was able to hit so long and hard. After I calmed down a bit, I thanked her for punishing me. I really meant it. I have been trying very hard not to interrupt her or anyone else. I’ve also been very, very careful that either I have been given permission to eat or she has eaten first.

When I reviewed it with her on the phone, I asked if I have interrupted her since then. She said I have but she has seen me trying not to do it. I asked her to punish me if I do it. I sincerely want to learn not to interrupt.

If you’ve been reading our blog, you’ve read that Mrs. Lion has created new rules for me. I mentioned them to her in our conversation. She was very matter-of-fact about them. 2.0 is absolutely ready to help me improve.

We talked about our feelings. i let her know how grateful I am that she is doing this. I also said that I really hate her spankings. She answered in that matter-of-fact voice, “I know.”

I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion doesn’t find all this easy to do. I have no illusions that 2.0 is so different from 1.0. I think the actual change is that 2.0 is willing to do what it takes to teach me. I know she doesn’t particularly like it. I also know that it’s still very difficult for her to tell me when i displease her. She’s learning.

I’m learning too. If I repeat an offense too soon after punishment, she is prepared to make the next punishment more severe. I asked her to do this. A 2.0 spanking really affects my behavior. I don’t want to be punished. Yes, it’s a turn on to think about being spanked. But I know that the reality is not exciting at all. I make a conscious effort to avoid getting another.

None of this was true with a 1.0 spanking. They got me a bit red, but I wasn’t seriously motivated to avoid another. Mrs. Lion and I both realize this is a new phase in our relationship. The love is stronger than ever. I’m not afraid of her. But I’m beginning to learn that disobeying her is at my own peril.

This is all surprising to me. Really surprising. I talked and wrote about all this for a long time. But experiencing a true domestic discipline punishment changes everything I have a new sense of peace because i know that my lioness is learning to truly take charge and let me know how she feels. That is very good for our marriage.

Thank you, 2.0.

By:
In: Rules

Lion will be home in a little over a day. We have a lot to do when he gets home. I’ve instituted two new rules in his absence. We’ll have to discuss them both. The rule that is similar to his interrupting rule is pretty self-explanatory. If he interrupts what I’m doing (as opposed to when I’m talking) because he thinks what he’s doing is more important, he gets punished. I’m the one who has to be aware of that one so I can alert him. Of course, if he’s aware of it, then he can stop himself. The other rule requires more thought.

We both need to lose weight. For a long time, we’ve said this. Lion did lose some weight, but he’s gaining some of it back. I’ve recently been losing weight and I need to keep going. We need to band together and figure out a plan. Lion’s butt depends on it. Whatever ultimate goal we set will have to be broken down into weekly or biweekly goals. If Lion doesn’t hit his goal, I’ll hit his tush. Simple!

What’s not simple, of course, is how to get to those goals. Diet is certainly on the top of the list. I have to stop eating crap. My Pepsi addiction? Gone. Absently snacking on junk food? Gone. And they really are gone. At least for now. What we need to work on is what we can eat. Paleo, Atkins, Mediterranean. All good choices. We just have to figure out which one. Or maybe none of the above. Maybe a combination.

The other thing we need to plan is exercise. Lion has a gym at work. He does better with a personal trainer. I don’t like the idea of having someone yell at me. It may work, but I’m more likely to fire them or quit exercising altogether. I need to figure out how to motivate myself.

Normally, I’m not as gung ho about new rules as I am about the weight loss one. Maybe it’s because our lives depend on it. Carrying around extra weight, especially when you’re older, takes a toll on your body. We can’t control a lot of things, but we can control how much we weigh. I have the means to control Lion. I’m hoping he’ll drag me along on his weight loss journey.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal

Last week, before I left, we were snuggling in bed and chatting. Mrs. Lion mentioned (again) that I am very different when wearing the training collar. She said I am much more careful of my behavior. I asked her if she likes that. She said she does. My next question was whether I should wear it more often. Now, I only wear it when we are together and out of the house. She replied, “Maybe.” That’s a typical lioness answer. I rarely get a clear “yes” or “no”. It is usually a soft way of saying no to me. Once in a while, she wants to consider the suggestion, and will give a positive response within a day or two.

There are a couple of things at work here. It may be that when I wear the collar, I know that at any time I can receive a painful shock. Unlike other corrections, I don’t have to submit. It just happens; a stroke of lightning if you will. Putting it on is a submissive act. But I do that some time before the collar actually zaps me. One reader suggested that I could remove the collar since it isn’t locked on.

Well, that’s not strictly true. The collar is under my underpants and trousers. I would have to drop my pants and underpants to take it off.  I could possibly turn it off. There’s a button on the front of the device that, when pressed and held, will either turn the device on or off. However, with a glance at her iPhone, Mrs. Lion can see if the collar is on or not. If she finds it off, either because I forgot to wear it, or because I turned it off, I will get punished. It’s not coming off.

Now that Mrs. Lion has decided that any disciplinary spanking will be administered with full force, using it for relatively minor offenses can seem unfair. That isn’t the case now. We are both learning domestic discipline and we agree that breaking trivial rules should earn me a spanking. We do it because we both need the practice.

At some point, a spanking may be too severe for just dropping food on my shirt. But it is an offense that requires correction. Could wearing the training collar at home be a way to provide that correction? Will I be on my best behavior at home if I am wearing it? That’s what I asked Mrs. Lion to consider.

I know she has also been thinking about adding mouth soaping to her arsenal of punishments. It’s very significant that she came up with the idea of soaping on her own. She told me that she wants to switch from a liquid body wash to a bar soap. While rummaging through our supplies, she found a bar of Ivory soap. We bought that ten years ago for play. I suggested it back then. She used it just once. Without any suggestions from me, she told me my mouth might be soaped some day. Yuck.

Despite what some readers think, I don’t actively seek new ways to make things harder for myself. I do feel that I have a responsibility to provide Mrs. Lion with information that she can use as a disciplinary wife. I encourage her to do this research on her own.

There is an old saying: A punishment not demonstrated isn’t effective. This is the principle behind tough jail sentences. It deters others from risking such horror. On a domestic scale, a disciplined husband has to know exactly how each punishment feels before it becomes an effective deterrent.

In my case, I can imagine what something would be like. But that’s not the same as experience. For example, until very recently I didn’t take spanking very seriously. The disciplinary spankings I received were indistinguishable from the play spankings I got in the past. When Mrs. Lion turned up the volume, I got a new message. The threat of spanking is an effective deterrent for me.

While it may seem that Mrs. Lion has the most to learn, I would disagree. I have things to learn as well. My lessons are of a different, less-comfortable kind.