Limits

On Monday, I forgot to remind Mrs. Lion that it was punishment day. One of the earliest rules Mrs. Lion established is that every Monday and Thursday I remind her it’s punishment day. I have to do that before 8:30PM. Neglecting to remind her is a punishable offense.

Until very recently, punishment was a rather mild spanking. In the last few weeks, things changed. We made the not-so-amazing discovery that spankings are supposed to be painful. That may sound silly, but neither of us seriously considered that the entire purpose of a spanking is to inflict as much pain as possible without lasting injury. Once we discussed this, Mrs. Lion agreed to turn up the volume.

She’s been gradually increasing both the force and number of swats when she spanks me. Monday night’s punishment was very painful. It hurt enough to upset me when it was done. I really hated how much it hurt. Mrs. Lion kept her distance. She is reluctant to intrude if I don’t appear willing to accept her touches. She was right. I was pouting.

We did an email exchange about this yesterday. I realized that upset or not, some comforting is in order after a punishment. After all, the punishment absolves me, so affection is in order. The affection after a punishment isn’t, “I’m sorry I hurt you.” Oh no, it’s, “Don’t you feel better now that’s it’s done and you have learned your lesson?”

We are still learning. As time goes on, my reviews of discipline becomes less and less welcome. That’s as it should be. But now, Mrs. Lion needs to hear from me; not at the time I am being spanked, but later after I am calm and objective. I absolutely hate how a real spanking feels. I’m supposed to. At the time, I am really angry at myself for providing feedback that causes me more pain. I’m not a masochist.

The reason I do ask for more is to let Mrs. Lion know she hasn’t reached a limit yet. This is tricky when it comes to discipline. Anything that doesn’t cause long term injury is technically in bounds for punishment. But that’s way too broad to be useful for the disciplinarian. Some people believe a spanking should bring the person being punished to tears. I know Mrs. Lion doesn’t agree with that.

She depends on my feedback to help her understand my reactions to her spankings; so far her only punishment. If you would have asked me on Monday night, I would have told you that I was too severely punished. The reason isn’t that the pain was intolerable, but more I wasn’t interested in being spanked. Interested in being spanked? That goes back to the BDSM “submissive” who only wants to be made to do what he wants to do. I want a spanking to hurt; but only enough to fulfill my fantasy.

I know that won’t work in a disciplinary environment. Twelve hours after the spanking I can be a more objective observer. So, on Tuesday when discussion of the punishment came up, I commented that I didn’t feel it the next day. It’s entirely possible that I will never feel a spanking the next day, but I doubt it. Is this the standard to test for the proper severity of my spanking? Given what I’ve read, it may not ultimately be the best test, but I think it’s a sensible indicator to help us get our bearings in the world of domestic discipline.

The way I think about it, as Mrs. Lion’s spankings become more and more painful, I am less likely to say anything to make them worse. That makes sense to me, at least. But, I can be depended on to accurately report if it hurts to sit the next day. So, to help us better understand punishment, it’s good first step to figure out how much is memorable.

The next, and most important test is how well I learn from the punishment. For example, in a week or two if I forget once again to remind Mrs. Lion it is punishment day, clearly I didn’t learn anything from my last conversation with her paddle. The only sensible correction is to make the next punishment more memorable.

Now, we depart from the area where I provide feedback. My behavior determines the unpleasantness of the correction. As Mrs. Lion likes to tell me, I control whether or not I get punished. I also control how severe she has to be to help me remember my lessons.

10 comments on “Limits
  1. Wolfgang says:

    Keep your mouth shut Mr Lion and help yourself

    • Caged Lion says:

      I think you misunderstand. What we are doing is cooperative. Yes, some of my ideas end up hurting me. But the point is that those ideas may help us move forward on our chosen course. I “help myself” by helping Mrs. Lion become more and more effective as my disciplining wife.

  2. Wolfgang says:

    I don’t think she needs your help any moor. I think she has thought about what she can do to you (soap wooden spoons old paddle you used for fun ). I don’t think you input is needed. But it’s up to you. It’s your butt???.

  3. Wolfgang says:

    I know you say it’s a cooperative but Mrs Lion is in front of you leading already. You just might not see this yet from wear you are. But that’s just my point of view. It is what you wanted ???

    • Caged Lion says:

      Please read back a while. Our earlier posts make it clear that we have a partnership. Domestic discipline is part of it. I’m doing what Mrs. Lion wants.

  4. Jim says:

    Lion, You’ve steadily helped and encouraged Mrs. Lion to accept being 2.0. Now it seems Mrs. Lion is truly embracing Her 2.0 status.You both continue to grow and evolve in Your Domistic Discipline roles and relationship. Be happy as 3.0 may be emerging soon.

  5. Wolfgang says:

    Thanks Jim you put it better in less words

  6. Caged Lion says:

    2.0 is firmly in residence. I can see signs that 2.5 is on the way. I welcome her arrival. It means that Mrs. Lion has more fully internalized her role. It also means I better be careful about my role too.

  7. Harley6432 says:

    My wife and I are very new to FLR and DD, she got upset after my last spanking thinking she had hurt me (I had to use the safe word) but I think we are both learning as we go along. I read the a good spanking begins 10 minutes after the sub believes it shoul stop…whew.

    • Caged Lion says:

      I think that ideas like: a good spanking only starts 10 minutes after you want it to stop, is silly. We don’t use a safeword. I promise that I am done with the spanking after the first couple of swats. It’s punishment, after all. There is lots of “advice” out there. Some of it may seem ridiculously cruel. We’ve learned that punishment spankings, if they are to be effective, must be extremely painful and have some residual pain for some time after they are done. How much spanking and with what implement is something only you and she can determine. We gradually increased intensity and length over months. The goal we set was that Mrs. Lion can determine when she has done enough when she sees some bruises forming.

      I promise you that is way past enough for me. But, that’s the point. The purpose of disciplinary spanking is to inflict as much pain as possible without permanent injury. It has to hurt enough to be a serious deterrent to repeating the offense. How much will do it for you is something only she can decide. Discipline doesn’t have a safeword. It just has safe spanking. You may want her (not you!) to check out my page on spanking. It isn’t a prescription for you, but it can give her some idea of what we are thinking. I’m serious about just having her read it. You will be glad you let her do the planning.

What do you think?