You Aren’t Her Agent
I regularly get comments and email (Use the Contact Us link at the top of the page to email) written by men who want us to help get their partners to do something to/for them. Many say that their wives would love to chat with Mrs. Lion and try to arrange the exchange. My standard response is to suggest that the woman write directly.
I think a lot of guys consider themselves sexual agents for their partners. It’s most obvious incarnation is trying to match make their wives with mine. The thing is that I do it too. I buy paddles and straps for her. She never asked for this help. But somehow I convince myself that if she had these new tools, she would like them. She just doesn’t know it yet. Similarly, I translate my own wish for friendship with other people who share our kink into her wanting it too. She hasn’t commented either way. But I just know it would be great.
A lot of my forays into the wild to find new things for her to try, stems from my insatiable curiosity. Invariably, my research ends up causing me pain. You’d think I’d learn. Not this big kitty. Mrs. Lion accepts my “research” with good humor and shakes her head when my new discovery makes me yelp. She can’t understand why I would want to make things worse for myself. OK, neither can I.
I’ve learned to temper this wish to act on Mrs. Lion’s behalf. It’s not because I have finally learned that I will suffer every time I come up with something. Oh no, not me. It’s because I realize that each new discovery I make feels like another burden for my lioness. She generally interprets any requests I make as a criticism of what she is currently doing. Why would I need a tawse if she was doing a good job with a paddle, for example.
It never crosses my mind that I am disappointed in what I already have. I’m not; nope, not one little bit. It’s just that this new shiny object looks interesting. Wouldn’t it be fun to try it? It might be for me, but not for her. It’s just one more opportunity to screw up. We clearly have a disconnect.
We’ve discussed all this a lot. Mrs. Lion allows me to do my research, even buy a new toy. I have agreed that just because this latest thought or toy has captured my interest, doesn’t mean it will become part of what she does to me. I get it. Mostly get it.
I’ve asked her to be more proactive. She’s listened. Her idea of this is to create new rules and tighten up some of her controls. It wasn’t what I had in mind, but it is absolutely the right thing. It’s something I truly need. I’m not her representative. All my ramblings are done without her requesting the new findings. I’m very happy that she will at least listen to what I learn.