The Problem With Sometimes
Monday night was punishment night. I had one coming. Last Thursday I forgot to remind Mrs. Lion it was punishment day. Mrs. Lion has gotten very good at remembering offenses and to spank me when I commit one. Monday night’s spanking was bruising and very painful. Sadly, I forgot to thank her for punishing me. Last night was a repeat performance.
I wasn’t trying to provoke punishment. Mrs. Lion has made her spankings fearsomely painful. I will pay much closer attention to my required duties in the future. I asked her to take a zero-tolerance approach with me. She’s followed through beautifully. Since punishments have gotten so painful, I’ve regretted my request more than once. I really hate punishments.
Mrs. Lion sees my approach as “black or white.” She mentioned it when she wrote about the red underwear I am required to wear. She didn’t realize that I would interpret her request as an “all or nothing” order. Perhaps it is just my personality, but I have a problem with “sometimes.”
We are both learning how to live in a domestic discipline relationship. Mrs. Lion’s inclination is to overlook my offenses. My inclination is to do the same. That’s not surprising. There’s nothing easy about being at either end of the paddle. Until we both fully internalize our power exchange, I think we have to inflexibly follow it. If we don’t, I’m sure we will lapse back into our old ways.
I thought I was doing a good job in accepting my role. No, I didn’t think that I was completely obedient or that I remember all my rules. But I did think that I had accepted the consequences of messing up. Monday night it was clear to me that I haven’t. I was very unhappy about being spanked. Yes, I deserved it. I don’t think the punishment was too harsh. I just didn’t want it. Period.
I tried to get an exception from Mrs. Lion. She was having none of it. She went at me full force. Each swat made me yelp or scream. I absolutely hated all of it. She kept going long past my feeling that I had enough. I turned and glared at her. She kept going without any reduction in force. I had no control at all over the punishment.
This is exactly as it should be. I say this with some hours passing since my last spanking. I think it is perfectly natural for me to try to reduce the pain I will feel. But it isn’t right for me to be able to actually get Mrs. Lion to change her punishment plan. It’s also natural for me to try to get her to give me a pass. It would be wrong for her to do it.
For all this to work, things have to be very clear and simple. Forget to do something she asked; get spanked. Wear anything other than red underpants; spanking. Consequences have to be consistent and meaningful, even for small things. I’m not saying that I should get the same level of spanking for forgetting to remind her that I would for doing something more serious. It’s just that the minimum has to be more than I want to accept.
The problem with “sometimes” is that I don’t learn. “Always” sends a message to both of us. It’s not a very pleasant message for me, but it does get received loud and clear.