It was very kind of Mrs. Lion to decide I don’t have to wear a male chastity t-shirt at Kinkfest. While I’ve never kept my current BDSM interest secret, I didn’t advertise either. It’s true that I have been an educator at these events for many years. People attending my workshops, like you, get an intimate view of what I do as far as the workshop’s subject. I wanted to do one on male chastity this year, but I made that known to the organizers too late to be considered. Mrs. Lion wondered why I would be sensitive about revealing my interest in male chastity if I am happy to offer public workshops on the subject.
These events are attended by people of all sorts. Some are completely unaware of our kink. Others might view wearing a chastity device as an invitation to treat the wearer, me, with disrespect they think a “sub” should accept. I’ve seen this behavior in the past directed at guys who were obviously submissive. Lion that I am, attempting to treat me that way is likely to go poorly. I choose to avoid such annoying, energy-draining encounters.
People who attend a workshop on a given subject are willing to learn and tend to treat practitioners with respect. That’s why I don’t mind sharing my submission to Mrs. Lion in that part of a public venue. But in the open space there is just too much opportunity for unwelcome attention.
That brings me to the central issue: submitting to someone does not a “sub” make. The people who tend to refer to each other as “doms” and “subs”, also like to generalize about what that means. Those terms may be useful on the Internet, but in real life they are ludicrous. Virtually everyone can be dominant or submissive at various times. Dominant isn’t a noun. It’s an adjective. It describes behavior, not a person.
I am an aggressive, dominant male. I always have been. In the past, when not inflicting pain on willing victims, I have enjoyed receiving sensation play myself. No one, including the woman topping me, considered me submissive. So here I am in a full-time power exchange. There is absolutely no doubt that Mrs. Lion is in charge and controls significant parts of my life. Does that make her a “dom” and me a “sub”? Please!
Life just isn’t that simple. What we write about here is the part of our life where Mrs. Lion is the boss and exercises significant control over me. It’s very real. The male chastity and domestic discipline are 100% in force. None of it is so-called play. But that is only a slice of who we are as individuals and as a couple. Most of the time we are equal partners and share everything. We support one another and share responsibilities. I make decisions for both of us some of the time. Mrs. Lion does the same at other times.
As Mrs. Lion has written, to most of the world we are a normal vanilla couple. You, of course know we aren’t. The reason we “pass” as vanilla is because most of the time we are. But in private, as you know, I better follow my rules and I get orgasms only when Mrs. Lion decides to give me one.
People are too complex to label so simply as “doms” and “subs”. We are complex, multi-dimensional critters. The Internet is the only place where it works to reduce folks to such simple stereotypes.