I’ve been thinking a lot about Lion’s surgery. I know he has too. One minute he wants the surgery. The next minute he doesn’t. He’s very worried that I won’t want to be with him afterwards. He did annoy me once when he was on narcotics. I knew it was the drug talking, but it still bothered me. Obviously I got over it. He is fairly demanding when he’s sick. Even when he just has a cold he wants me to be with him all the time. I won’t sugar coat it. It will be difficult after his surgery, but here’s the thing:
Two things, actually. I think I may have mentioned my parents before. They were both handicapped. My father was my mother’s legs and my mother was my father’s arms. They held each other up. I won’t say together they made a whole person because they each did very well on their own. My mother was often bed-ridden. My father did the laundry, cooked, cleaned, emptied bedpans, etc. He never once complained that he had to do it. He never once said he’d be better off with someone else. He never once said he couldn’t take it anymore. It was just what he did because my mother needed him to do it. Likewise, when he was sick or needed an extra hand, my mother was always right there. I’m sure she had no idea what part of the tractor she was holding for him so he could get a bolt loose. She just held it because he needed it held. It’s what you do when someone you know needs help.
The other thing that occurs to me is that I’m in charge. Sick or not, in pain or not, I can put a stop to Lion’s behavior by telling him he’s being a toddler. He’ll need my help so it would behoove him not to piss me off. Except, I don’t think he knows when he’s being a toddler. If he does, he may not be able to stop himself when he’s in pain or on drugs. I’ll need to be able to put my foot down. I’ll needto be here. It won’t be from a punishment perspective. It will be from a self-preservation perspective. I’ll be helping Lion. will be helping me.
We’re going to the doctor on Wednesday. At this point, we’re still in fact-finding mode. Lion needs to gather information from work and decide when surgery might fit in with his schedule. In the meantime, we’re looking into everything we need if he has the surgery. What will my schedule look like? Can I even leave him alone to go to work right after the surgery? What pillows/sleeping arrangements does he need? He’s been looking at the big picture and I follow up with the little details he hasn’t thought of. It’s no surprise we’re working together on this. It certainly affects both of us. I’m a little surprised Lion thinks I wouldn’t want to be with him in the face of adversity. It’s not like we didn’t make it through his long unemployment together. I’m a fairly tough broad. I can take it.