Yes. No. Yes. No.
My post yesterday was not meant to be an attack on Lion. I was trying to illustrate what we’ve been going through for the past weeks. I understand Lion can pull the plug at any time. He definitely has the right to not do something that has such an impact on his life. I know he’s scared. I know he wants to have every single duck in a row.
I was frustrated the other night. I thought we had figured out the transportation issue. I guess we had but it was not solidly locked down in Lion’s mind. The hardest part for me in all this planning is the yes-no part of it. We get all geared up for surgery and we’re jumping over every hurdle that comes our way. We got the new bed. We’re good to go. What about this issue? No. Apply the brakes. We’re not good to go. That issue is solved. We’re up to fourth gear. Another road block. Gear down. Okay. Past that road block and we’re in overdrive. Traffic ahead and we’re downshifting.
It’s an emotional roller coaster for both of us. The problem, from my point of view, is that I don’t know what he’s feeling and thinking. I can’t know exactly, even if he tells me. I’m not in his body. I don’t know how much pain he’s in at any given moment. I can’t feel if it’s a dull pain or a sharp pain. I don’t know if he can live with it the rest of his life. I can’t feel his stomach churning as he thinks about the what-ifs. I know his employer is bending over backwards to make sure he has the time off from work, the pay, and the accommodations he’ll need when he goes back to work. My employer is understanding, to a point, but they’re all about themselves in the end. That’s fine. We have to be all about ourselves too.
We’re just different personalities. I’d be scared, sure, but I tend to have the mindset that things will work out. Lion has his ducks that need to be in a row. Opposites may attract, but sometimes they can drive each other crazy. Obviously, this is temporary. There’s no doubt we’ll get through this together. It’s what we do.