We are still working to get back the rest of our posts and pages. The site goes up and down as we try new things. I am up and down too in my recovery from surgery. Either I am in pain or feeling reactions from medications. My interest in sex has returned. That means Mrs. Lion and I can have fun again. She is enforcing her rules, at least the one about me eating before her. I suspect that I am interrupting her, but no feedback on that.
There is one change that I find disturbing. When I come, there is no semen. A very small amount drips out later after I am soft, but nothing when I orgasm. Mrs. Lion likes semen and I like making it for her. When I come, I feel as though I am ejaculating but I’m not. My average wait remain at 6.5 days. Maybe that is the natural wait for us. It’s been less than that now and I am definitely horny.
As things stabilize, the old feelings are returning. I was worrying that I wouldn’t be particularly interested in surrender and FLR with Mrs. Lion. It turns out that I’m beyond that. I’ve forgotten what I would be like without our power exchange. What used to be exciting kink is now ingrained in me. I’m still kinky and get turned on by her sexual control, but I no longer feel that there are any choices for me to make. It’s just the way we are.
I’ve been thinking about obedience too. In the sexual, BDSM sense, obedience is a turn on. But for me, at least, it’s now just the right thing to do. I realize that even if I were in a vanilla relationship, asking permission is a sign of respect and collaboration. By asking if I can do something I am sharing. In the vanilla relationship I suppose asking is more courtesy than genuine need for permission. But even in that context, if I asked if I could go somewhere and Mrs. Lion said no, what would happen? I suppose it would start a conversation to determine what is going on. In our current FLR, a no means I can’t do what I asked and that is the end of the subject.
My point is that from a behavioral perspective, FLR is just refining what I should have been doing all along. I hope Mrs. Lion will shorten my leash so I can further improve. I don’t really have to worry about the outside world thinking that I am weird. My behavior with my disciplining wife is well within the boundaries of “normal”. Someone would have to look very closely to notice that my requests are genuine and that I don’t expect an automatic agreement. Punishment is performed in private, so that isn’t something the outside world will see.
I’m very happy to be recovering. I’m also happy to feel our power exchange becoming a part of me and not just something kinky I do. I’m getting better.