Lion and I were talking about how things are shaping up since his surgery. Physically he’s doing well. He’s increasing his range of motion and this weekend I suggested he drive more to see how well he’ll fair in rush hour, city traffic. Emotionally/sexually, he doesn’t think he’s doing as well. He still says, from time to time, that he shouldn’t have done the surgery. And he’s worried about the lack of semen production.
Yesterday, when I said I had no idea what to write in a post, Lion said he was boring me so there was nothing to write about. At another point he asked if I thought we were doing okay where we were in terms of adding discipline and chastity back into our lives after his surgery. I thought we were doing well. Lion didn’t really think so. Last night, he was out of the room and I picked up my iPad. When he came back into the room, I was at the end of my task (just waiting for things to finish) but not before he said he must be the most boring person on earth if I’m always on my iPad. I put it down, moved to snuggle, and he fell asleep.
In Lion’s defense, we’d run some errands at both a shopping center and Costco. That’s a lot of walking when you’re not used to it. And remember, sometimes a trip to Costco wipes me out too. In my defense, I’ve gotten back into the habit of having my nose in the iPad since he had surgery. While he slept and recuperated, I played games. I’m trying to break that habit again.
I’m not sure if the Lion-is-boring feeling comes from my iPad usage, his feelings of not helping me because he’s still recovering, or from the lack of ejaculation. Maybe a combination. Maybe something else added in there. I’ve been trying to take my cues from Lion. If he’s snoozing a lot, I assume he’s tired and there will be no play tonight. If he’s in pain, I assume there will be no play tonight. Perhaps the assumptions are incorrect. Either I need to tell him we’re playing or I need to ask if he wants to play.
So what’s the problem with that? Well, if I ask, then he could say he’s not running the show so I should decide. And if I tell him we’re playing, it puts pressure on him to do something if he’s not able to do it at that point in time. Lose-lose. There is another option. We can snuggle and see how things turn out. Although, there have been times we’ve been snuggling and I’m just absently playing with my, but he’s not getting hard and Lion will apologize for not being in the mood. There’s no need to apologize. I’m just testing the waters. If Mr. wants to come out and play, he will. If not, I hope it just feels good that I’m fondling him. I don’t want to annoy Lion by touching him.
Most of all, I don’t want to add to Lion’s stress level. He’s worried about helping me. He’s worried about things at work. He’s worried about sex. He’s worried about recovering. I want to be the stress reliever. As I told him yesterday, I don’t mind helping him. I helped him before surgery. I’m helping him now. I’ll help him after he’s fully recovered. He helps me whenever he can, too. We make a pretty good team.