Crossroads

Guys have a lot of different reasons for asking their partners to dominate them. Male chastity and domestic discipline both put the male into a submissive position to his partner. It’s safe to say that part of his reason for wanting this is sexual. It’s hot, at least for me, to feel control. At least that’s true in my fantasies. Some guys are naturally submissive and discovering enforced chastity and perhaps domestic discipline satisfies them on a very deep level.

That’s not me. I spent most of my adult life as an active BDSM dominant. I like power and know how to use it effectively. I do that, in a vanilla, non-sexual way for a living. Deep down, I’ve always been turned on by the thought of being spanked, tied up, and sexually controlled. That’s not unusual. Most of the tops I have known enjoy bottoming now and then. So, sometimes I bottomed to a friend. It was fun, but I never seriously considered permanently switching.

Well then, how did I end up in full-time enforced chastity and at the receiving end of domestic discipline? It wasn’t because I woke up one morning and decided I have been a closet submissive. It’s much more complicated than that.

My desire to experience enforced chastity came out of the pleasure I got when tied up. It turned me on and the thought of being sexually controlled remains a big turn on. Mrs. Lion discovered she likes the effect this form of power exchange has on our marriage. It transformed us from a nearly sexless relationship into one filled with sexual activity. We committed to continue this practice permanently.

Domestic discipline is another story entirely. I realized that I enjoy sexual control. I love the effect on our relationship. I wondered if a power exchange of another sort could help us in another, much more important area of our lives: Mrs. Lion’s inability to even consider any form of confrontation. I’m not talking out of school. In her post yesterday, she referred to it herself.

I reasoned that if she would accept broader control that includes concrete retribution for infractions, perhaps she would feel able to punish me if I did things that upset her. You know, things like interrupting her (post about that) or making choices for her that she doesn’t like. My thought was that if she learned she could punish me for breaking simple rules, she would be freed to express displeasure when I pissed her off.

I have a fear that if she keeps things I do bottled up, eventually she will fall out of love and want to leave. Sooner or later the dam will break with disastrous results. Over the years I’ve expressed this concern and she has promised to let me know when I upset her. But she hasn’t. I figured that she needs practice. There must have been a lot of negative experiences in her life that makes her this way.

So, I asked her to be my disciplining wife. We made some rules, most almost impossible for me not to break and off we went. There are lots of posts about how this has worked. Mrs. Lion has become a very effective spanker. I truly dread having to lie on my stomach on the bed and receiving very painful swats. She has steadily improved her ability to spot infractions and swat me for them.

But she still silently accepts things I do that upset her. Not only doesn’t the paddle come out, she doesn’t tell me she is upset. Her post yesterday cites two events in a single day that upset her. In one case, when I mentioned plants were dying, she actually thought to herself that I should be paddled. But I wasn’t. No feelings were expressed.

After I read her post, we talked about this. While she has become effective at spanking, It hasn’t freed her as I had hoped to use her authority and her ability to punish me to let me know when I upset her. This is not a problem with her role as disciplining wife. It’s evidence that my plan to use domestic discipline to help free her isn’t working. That’s not her fault. She isn’t failing. My simplistic plan to help her isn’t working.

Domestic discipline is more of a game. It’s limited to a small set of rules I have to follow. I admit that I like playing; at least until the paddle comes out. From what I’ve read, that’s pretty much how it works for most guys. The idea is that the game aspect keeps us submitting, and our wives can then use our desire to play to help us modify our behavior.

Many guys have an erection when their wives signal that they will be spanked. That’s the sexy game aspect. It doesn’t take many swats for the erection to disappear and be forgotten.Disciplining wives know what they are doing. Once in position and on the receiving end of a spanking, it’s too late to back out. Part of the training process is learning to accept very unpleasant punishments. I’m a slow learner, but getting there.

Anyway, we had a talk yesterday. We discussed Mrs. Lion’s post. I asked what we could do to help her learn that is ok for her to express anger and assert what she wants. Her response was that she said she would try harder. That’s not fair to her. This is a tough problem and resolve alone isn’t enough. Our experience has proven that.

Domestic discipline has turned out to provide tools to be used once the issue is resolved. On its own it hasn’t worked. We haven’t figure out if there is some way we can make the changes to put the tools to use. One thought I had after our talk is that maybe she should punish me when she becomes aware I did something that annoyed her. For example, even though she didn’t spank me on Friday when I upset her, perhaps she should punish me when she processes her feelings. When I commented on the houseplant and she thought I should be spanked for it and then didn’t act, maybe she should punish me appropriately at a later time when she feels less emotionally wrapped up by the feelings.

If the issue is due to past experiences when she reacted in the moment, perhaps reacting a day or two later would be manageable. From the perspective of a disciplinarian, retribution is supposed to be close to the offense. But in this case, retribution can occur any time. In this case, the purpose of punishing me is not to train me to fix my behavior. It’s to train Mrs. Lion to express her feelings. That means I may end up with a mouth soaping and a spanking a week after I upset her by something I said. When you are learning something new, it’s better late than never. She is being trained, not me.

Maybe domestic discipline isn’t going to work. It hasn’t helped Mrs. Lion get out her feelings. Unlike enforced chastity, at least up to now, it hasn’t improved our marriage. I may have been way off base suggesting it. We need, no, Mrs. Lion needs to decide what happens next. Do we continue with domestic discipline as a realization of the sexy game I like to play? Do we just give it up? Or, can Mrs. Lion find a way to use it to help her learn to express how she feels?

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion’s first mouth soaping was 7/17.

What do you think?