Just Say No For No Particular Reason
Mrs. Lion and I discussed how we could help let her express her power. That’s not as easy to do as you might think. We have a great marriage. We are truly partners. Things flow smoothly nearly all the time. We have a peaceful, loving relationship. Oddly, that may be the problem with Mrs. Lion letting me know when I make her angry. Why disturb our tranquility?
My idea of adding domestic discipline was to provide an easy path to getting her to let me know when I piss her off. We decided that she needed training wheels. She needs opportunities to punish me for breaking a rule. So, she came up with some rules that I am almost certainly going to break. They include, punishing me for getting food on my shirt (I can be a slob) and eating before her. These rules are sensible and have no emotional loading for either of us.
They’ve worked in terms of punishment. Mrs. Lion has no problem giving me hard swats on my bare bottom for breaking them. So far, she is lenient. While every swat is painfully hard, she only gives me a few. It took quite a while for those swats to be hard enough to make me yelp. Lesson learned. She also gives me maintenance swats on occasion. They serve to remind me how it feels if I break a rule and keeps her ready and willing to punish me.
That’s the area we agree are successful. My post yesterday discussed where we aren’t doing as well. We’ve been trying to come up with ways to help Mrs. Lion use her punishments to respond to more serious infractions that actually make her angry. So far, we haven’t come up with anything. I had an idea this morning. Maybe it would help if Mrs. Lion said “no” more often.
She is a very fair person. When we have a meal and she wants to cut up food or do something else before she starts eating, she will always give me permission to eat first. If I ask if I can eat first, she always agrees I can. That’s only fair, after all. The problem is that Mrs. Lion isn’t reinforcing her power when she is fair to me. The essence of all the BDSM stories out there is that the stern mistress denies her submissive most everything. She says no to almost any request, and says no to herself when she is tempted to do something nice for him. That fantasy is fine for a limited BDSM session. As a lifestyle it’s intolerable to both of them. But you get the idea.
What I’m suggesting is for Mrs. Lion to disappoint me intentionally. When she does it, she should let me know that she is doing it because she can. Obviously, this is going to make me unhappy. Uh oh! Mrs. Lion does almost all of our power exchange to make me happy. What I’m suggesting is to intentionally make me unhappy. I won’t kid you; I’ll really hate this. This is not the way I want things to go. It won’t turn me on or feed my so-called submissive side. This is about real life, not BDSM play.
My theory is that by actually disappointing me and making me unhappy, Mrs. Lion will learn that there are no consequences she can’t handle. I won’t leave or have a tantrum. If I act like a toddler when she says no, she has experience spanking me for that. I will certainly be sad and perhaps, upset. It will be very hard for her to do this. But I think it will teach her that she truly has power.
This display of authority can be extended to some daily activities. She can order for me in restaurants. She can get me what I like, or something I wouldn’t select on my own. The idea isn’t to make me eat something I don’t want. That would just be cruel. But to order something that is clearly not my first choice. Doing that has real impact on me. But that’s not the point of doing it. The idea is to provide real life situations where by the sheer force of her power, she makes me unhappy.
I think that the main reason Mrs. Lion is unwilling to let me know I upset her is that over many years she has been conditioned by very negative reactions when she lets someone know they pissed her off. I know her first husband shut her down whenever she expressed her feelings. This is where all that spanking practice comes in as well. I’m not sure she can do it, but if I do react to her decision in an inappropriate way, instead of shutting down she can spank me to let me know she won’t stand for that behavior.
Hmm, I guess there is a lesson in this concept for me as well. I will learn to gracefully accept her decisions. I will learn to submit in a good way by gracefully giving her the opportunity to let her make the choices for both of us.
I’m don’t want to be disappointed. I truly like and expect to get my way. This will be very difficult for me, at least at first. I’m hoping that Mrs. Lion will quickly internalize her power and we can go back to a more balanced relationship. I strongly believe that this exercise will be really good for both of us. She isn’t the only one who needs to change. I reluctantly admit I do too.
Maybe part of the reason we have such a peaceful relationship is that Mrs. Lion is very accepting of what I want. There’s nothing wrong with that. But we clearly need to adjust things. This is the first time I’ve suggested such a fundamental change. I don’t know if Mrs. Lion will agree and how we will both react. If she agrees, we will all find out together.