I Tend To Think The Worst
Mrs. Lion has been writing about her efforts to rebalance our power exchange. She’s decided that maintenance spanking is a tool to get us back in the groove. We’ve been doing this nearly every night. I know that I’ve been more aware of my rules. So, that’s evidence that, at least for me, her efforts are being rewarded.
I don’t think I’m the issue, at least right now. I think Mrs. Lion is trying to get her disciplinary mojo back. I admire her focus. I think she is looking for 2.0. This may be a good time for the search. We’re secure, I’m recovering nicely from my surgery, and stress is at a pleasant low level at home. If you’ve been reading our blog for a while, you know that this is an ongoing effort.
It’s not that she isn’t trying. I know she is. Being stricter and more observant is less about worrying that she is too cruel, than it is about shifting her focus. Mrs. Lion still withdraws into her iPad from the moment she gets home until she goes to sleep. I’m starting to think that she is avoiding me, not our power exchange. I don’t know what’s changed, but something has.
I don’t think she is angry. I’m starting to suspect that the pressure of becoming 2.0 may be causing her to withdraw. Even if that isn’t the case, there must be something and she isn’t sharing it with me. Of course, that’s her right, but it is making me feel insecure. That insecurity isn’t about domestic discipline as much as it is about our relationship.
When I don’t have all the information, I tend to think the worst. When I ask if anything is wrong, Mrs. Lion always tells me there isn’t. Then, she goes back to her iPad. She always takes time to play or snuggle at some point. I feel I am the intermission entertainment. Now that I’ve said that much, I don’t want to suggest that she should spend the entire evening torturing me. I just think that one consequence of my surgery and subsequent recovery is that I was unable to communicate. I slept and spent almost all the rest of the time in a drugged haze. Who could blame her for playing games on her iPad? I was no use.
I think we have to make the same kind of effort to restore our communication that we are making for our power exchange. Maybe we can do both at the same time. I need to work as hard or harder as Mrs. Lion to get us back on track. I withdraw into the TV at the same time she is playing on her iPad.
We will do what we always do when there is a problem. We will discuss it and try solutions until we find one that works. Maybe it’s more maintenance spankings. Oh well.