Mars and Venus
I discovered last night, on my way home, that I’ve been getting frazzled lately with Lion for a very simple reason. The other night I walked in the door with two issues. One of them seemed like an easy fix. The other may not have been. When I told Lion my issues, he launched into a list of things I needed to do about them. Rather than let me vent about the problems, he was trying to solve them. Well, I already had a solution. I was just annoyed that the problems happened to begin with and can’t he just shut up and let me vent? It’s the whole Mars/Venus thing.
He couldn’t understand why I was so upset with him for trying to help. I didn’t either at the time. I suppose the simple solution should have been to shut him up with the kitchen paddle that was hanging a few feet away. Unfortunately, I don’t think that way. I don’t equate this type of argument with punishment. I think Lion wants me to.
I have two problems with that. I’m just getting used to the idea of sticking up for myself again. That’s not to say I’ve been a pushover for the past fifteen years. I’ve just learned that most things are not so important that I want to fight about them. I also never want to hit Lion in anger. I need a while to figure out what just happened. In this case it took me almost a full day to figure it out.
Not that we had a blow out fight the other night. It literally was him trying to solve the problem with me trying to defend what I was doing and then a small assertion that I was going to do what I was going to do and his asking me why I was upset. Since I didn’t really know, the issue fizzled out. Our “arguments” generally happen this way. And perhaps hours later I can tell him how the whole exchange affected me. Even then I don’t normally decide to punish him, which probably annoys him more than the “argument” itself.
I know Lion’s goal is for domestic discipline to help me assert myself. So far it’s not working, but at least I am figuring some things out. That’s why I don’t want to stop yet. Who’s to say my eureka moment isn’t just around the next bend? Our next confrontation might be the one that earns Lion an on-the-spot punishment. I’m pretty sure we’ll both be shocked when that happens.