safeword cartoonThe other day, Julie, the blogger who writes Strict Julie Spanks, one of the most popular sexually-oriented blogs in the world, left a comment to Mrs. Lion’s “Sore Butt” post. I love Julie’s blog. It’s always sexy and fun to read. There’s a link to her latest post on the right side of all our pages. I am honored she reads the Journal.

Mrs. Lion wrote about my inability to accept as many swats as she considers appropriate for my punishment. Julie is famous for her extremely “complete” spankings. Her husband is deep red and bruised when she completes her work.  Her husband wants to be spanked, probably in the same sense I do. It seems like a hot idea until a few strokes into the beating, the pain makes it clear the spanking isn’t going to be either hot or fun.

Mrs. Lion spanks me with mean paddles wielded with butt-bruising force. Julie does at well. There is a difference between her marriage and ours: her spankings are part of BDSM play. Mrs. Lion’s are punishment as part of domestic discipline. However, that distinction isn’t very big in the heat of a spanking. There is the simple logistic of keeping me in place until the spanking is done.

Julie offered some very solid thoughts on how:

“I prefer the “Yellow” and “Red” safewords to these random whiny complaints of his. If he really wants it to stop then it’s Red and everything stops. If he wants to tell you that you are exceeding his limits, he may say Yellow. I always made it a game to get him to say Yellow, then back off a bit, and then get him to say Yellow again, and so on. Great way to test his limits. But there should be punishment for him saying Red when he is uninjured, perhaps a week without Domming, then two next time, and so on.”

The concept is brilliant. While you may argue that a punishment should provide no input by the spankee, the reality is that the kind of beating that Julie and Mrs. Lion favor is at the very edge of my ability to control myself. Yes, Mrs. Lion could gag me and tie me down before beating me. That sort of idea is best in fantasy. The reality is emotional and physical trauma.

Even though it smacks of BDSM, the fact is that I have to learn how to handle the pain of a serious spanking. Julie’s idea allows me to help manage the intensity at a given moment. Julie then pushes the edge and may hear another “Yellow”. At some point she will be able to dial up the pain without any comment.

Allowing me to moderate the intensity doesn’t change the behavior-changing result of the punishment. It won’t make me want another punishment spanking. It will train me to accept longer and harder spankings. There are two objectives to disciplinary spankings: Create a very painful consequence for misbehavior, and provide a lasting reminder of the punishment. The pain isn’t reduced by my calling, “Yellow”. It just serves to help extend the spanking by keeping each swat within my ability to handle it. The cumulative pain will probably be worse because Mrs. Lion will be able to keep going much longer. I think that’s Julie’s point.

I’ve always believed that there is no place for a safeword in punishment. Calling “Red” is a proper safeword. In BDSM scenes, a safeword is required to deal with issues the top doesn’t see. In our case, the “Red” safeword better have a serious, safety reason for being called. Since we are dealing with punishment, I suggest that calling “Red” results in a repeat of the punishment as soon as the issue is resolved. Red should always result in a replay. Period.

If I call Yellow and the reduced intensity is still too much at the moment, a Red call isn’t needed. I think I should call Yellow again. As Julie says, she prefers Yellow and Red to other whiny complaints. Me too. It’s clear communication of how I am handling the beating. Great suggestion, Julie. Thanks.

 

It seems to me Lion is trying to tempt fate. His email to me this morning says he is “tropical and unspanked.” I understand the tropical part. I edged him within an inch of his life last night and left him hanging. Well, not hanging. He was pointing straight up at the ceiling. Unspanked is the fate tempter. I know he means a play spanking. With 2.0 peaking her head in though, she sees an opportunity for punishment spanking. Of course, she always does.
It really doesn’t matter what kind of spanking I give him. A play spanking can leave him just as sore. The only difference is that, with a slow build up, he won’t really feel the play spanking until it’s over. Yes, he’ll feel it along the way, but I can hit him as hard as a punishment spanking without it registering as being as hard.
Obviously, he loves play spanking. We haven’t done it in a long time because of his shoulder. I bet we could find a position that doesn’t hurt him. One of the reasons I’ve been cutting punishments short is his shoulder pain. I want him to feel the pain in his butt, not anywhere else. We’ll have to work on that this weekend. Maybe some strategically located pillows will help.
We also have to get our trailer ready for our trip next weekend. Lots to do. Lots to do. We’ll see how exhausted I am since Lion can’t help a lot. I may have to push off any play until next week. That won’t make for a very happy Lion, but we’ll see how it goes.

When I came out of the shower last night I evicted Lion from the bedroom. I needed to change the sheets and he can’t help me except to get out of the way. When I was done I grabbed a small rope I use to tie his balls up. He didn’t know I had it until I was ready to use it.

We decided it’s been at least two months since his balls have been tied up. Probably a lot longer than that. And I’m sure the last time I did it, I stretched both balls out together. This time I separated them. Not very well mind you. It’s been a while so my tying skills are a bit rusty. It’s among the many things I need practice with.

Initially Lion told me the weather was not very warm. He’d had an orgasm on Monday night and we didn’t play Tuesday. I was willing to stop playing, but I decided to give him a chance to see what happened. He really loves being tied up so he was reacting in no time. My weenie was standing tall and proud.

I edged him quite a few times. At least twice, I got him close enough that I thought I’d gone too far. Nope. Stopped just in time. Whew! I left him wanting more and, while he wasn’t happy he hadn’t orgasmed, he was a happy Lion.

He should actually consider himself lucky. My first thought of the night was to grab some menthol rub. Depending on how much I put on him, he would not have been a happy Lion. I wasn’t going to use the harsh stuff, but when it hasn’t been used in a while, anything would be harsh. As I was fumbling around trying to tie him up, I mentioned Velcro and his hatred of it. He was very glad I hadn’t picked up the Velcro.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do to him tonight, but I’m fairly sure it won’t involve an orgasm. He hasn’t had a play spanking in a long time, but I’m not sure he can get into a comfortable enough position where his shoulder won’t hurt. That may have to wait a while longer.

As you might have observed from our recent posts, we are trying to move things forward in our power exchange. This is exposing some very basic differences in the way we think. Just as Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars  pointed out, men and women have very different communication styles. This is glaringly obvious with Mrs. Lion and I. I am a problem solver by profession. I don’t understand why someone would just vent about a problem without wanting my help finding a solution.

Mrs. Lion frequently wants to blow off steam and doesn’t me to provide any lion solutions. In her most recent post, she suggested that I get a visit from her paddle when I provide unwelcomed advice. Ok, how do I know when advice is welcome and when it isn’t? If Mrs. Lion doesn’t know herself for some time after we talk, won’t it be too late to correct me?. She’s a fair woman. So, the result of this quandary is that we have a hole in our domestic discipline, at least for now.

Maybe the solution – uh oh, here he goes again – is much simpler than either of us is making it. Perhaps, until we have a better idea, it should be spank first and ask questions later. Instead of worrying whether it is fair or not for me to know what is expected, just swat and discuss at a later time. This is the exact opposite of what Mrs. Lion does now.

The reason I think this makes sense is that her current approach almost always results in her being frustrated and me not being punished. I’m not saying I deserve a spanking for trying to be helpful. That’s entirely beside the point. I should be spanked because Mrs. Lion is annoyed and her impulse is to swat me.

The onus is being shifted to me. It’s my job not to piss her off. It won’t take too many painful lessons for me to learn that I have to adjust my style to be sure my pithy help is welcome. Neither of us will learn until we turn the proverbial tables on the way we currently handle these situations.

I realize that the net result of adopting this idea is not going to be pleasant for me. I’m willing to accept that. We’ve gone to the trouble of adopting this power exchange. I’ve accepted the cost of doing it. But, to no one’s surprise, that isn’t enough.

Maybe this idea isn’t the way to success. But based on what Mrs. Lion wrote, it seems to me that it may help us get off the proverbial dime. The cost is very low. I’m never going to hate her for being unfair by punishing me when I think I am right. Instead, I’m going to be much more careful to understand what she expects of me.

It won’t be easy for either of us. It’s just a suggestion. I’m not trying to fix something when venting is all that was going on. Honest, Mrs. Lion!