Lion is an all or nothing kind of guy. If something is broken, you fix it right away even if it’s inconvenient. My windshield cracked and he was on the phone with the insurance company setting up an appointment for a replacement. I was content to wait a bit. The cracks were out of line of sight. Chances are I’ll get hit again soon. Let it be. Nope. Fix it now. Fine. And then there was the problem of a wobbly rear view mirror and Lion telling me I needed to demand it be fixed now. Right now. Call them. Call them now.
I think he’s doing the same thing with punishment. Why not? He does it with everything. He identifies what he believes is the problem and then we have to test that theory. Before I know what I’m doing with that, we’re off on the next problem. Why can’t I concentrate on this on aspect? No, no, no. This will fix everything. Except there’s always something else that will fix something else. Or we were doing it all wrong to begin with.
I don’t mind experimenting. I don’t mind taking wrong turns. We started punishment swats and he wondered if I’d do anything besides spanking as punishment. The swats needed to be hard and send a message. No wait. There should be a warm-up. No wait. There should be a “dessert” to the punishment. No wait. There needs to be begging and whimpering involved. No wait. (I don’t know what the next thing will be. I just know there will be a next thing.)
The problem is that I’m still dealing with the warm-up. It took a while for me to deal with hard swats. I figure that out and we’re already on to the next thing. Before I get comfortable with the current method, there’s a new current method. It’s hard to hit a target when the target keeps moving.
The latest moving target is the idea of Lion begging for me to stop during punishment swats. He needs to surrender to me. Okay. It will help me. Okay. I’ll feel more powerful if he’s a crying, whimpering mess. Okay. It’ll be better if his legs are flailing like a toddler’s. Okay.
This is why he hates when I say “Okay”. He’s pretty sure he’s lost me and I don’t care any more. What’s happening in this case is that I’m trying to figure out why I can’t just get comfortable with hitting the right spots with the right intensity as well as adjusting to his level of discomfort. Why can’t I just learn to read his reactions? Why do I have to think about “dessert” and the best mouth soaping technique? Does that have to happen now when I’m trying to figure out how hard to hit him and how long to hit him to satisfy whatever it is that I’m trying to satisfy to make sure he thinks before he interrupts me again? It’s a lot to get my mind wrapped around. Let’s add more.
I think, and this is just a theory, the reason I back way off from playing/taking charge/doing things to Lion is that I get overwhelmed. Things come at me from all directions and I get frozen. I can’t do anything because there are too many things to do. Again, just a theory.