Paradoxes

I’m amazed at my own inability to learn from experience. Mrs. Lion has been spanking me for  years. Each time it hurts so much that any erection I might have disappears soon after she starts. Clearly, getting a spanking isn’t sexually arousing to me. Hundreds of spankings have proved that. Then why do I get aroused when I think about being spanked?

Some might say that this is a sign of mental illness. I’m aware that when Mrs. Lion uses her paddle on my bottom, it will hurt a lot. I don’t expect the spanking to magically become something fun. If anything, my cock should shrivel at the thought of getting spanked. It doesn’t.

Things get worse.

If I think about breaking a rule that results in a painful spanking, I remember how much it hurt. If the pain was recent enough, it will probably deter me. At least it will make me think twice before breaking the rule. Shouldn’t I get an erection instead of a sense of dread? How is it possible to get hard thinking about being spanked, but feel dread at the thought of a spanking when a rule is broken?

This is exactly what happens to me. If I see an image like the one accompanying yesterday’s post, I get aroused visualizing myself in that situation. But when I realized I would be punished for forgetting to remind Mrs. Lion of punishment day, I felt dread. I didn’t have any erotic feelings anticipating her spanking me.

Shouldn’t I get hard in anticipation of any spanking? I don’t. Occasionally, I will feel some arousal just before being punished; but that’s rare. Rarely, I will get hard during corner time after a painful spanking. I understand that. Being placed in the corner, standing or on my punishment stool, emphasizes my exposure and vulnerability. I am allowing myself to be placed somewhere I absolutely don’t want to be and I stay there until given permission to leave. That is undeniable evidence of my submission to my lioness.

Many people have written about the fact that sexual arousal at the thought of spanking is what gets us males to voluntarily assume the position for a beating. I believe that is true of me. There is a strong sexual component to male submission in a FLR. I am aroused by being exposed and vulnerable. I want restrictions and rules because the thought of having them is arousing. The actual living under them is generally no fun at all. But still, deep down inside me, there is sexual heat brought on by my compliance. The heat gets hotter when observation and punishment are present.

This heat usually doesn’t cause an erection, but it’s there. The combination of restriction, rules, and punishment satisfy me and make me happy, pervert that I am. This confuses me when I think about it. No wonder Mrs. Lion shakes her head when I want more.

The logical questions all this suggest are: Will my happiness continue to increase if restrictions, rules, and punishments  impact more and more of my life? Is there a point when it becomes too much and I feel oppressed and fearful? If Mrs. Lion continues to add more and more rules and restrictions and her punishments become much more severe, I’m pretty sure there will be a point when all I feel is fear. The inner heat will grow cold and freeze into solid dread. I’m nowhere near that point now. If anything, the opposite is true. I’m craving more rules and restrictions. I actually hope the punishments become more severe.

Why?

I have no idea.

Caged male half of a happy couple practicing enforced male chastity and domestic discipline. Locked since 1/2014. Domestic discipline 3/2015. Lion’s first mouth soaping was 7/17.

One comment on “Paradoxes
  1. chastehubby says:

    “I am aroused by being exposed and vulnerable.” I couldn’t have said it better. Right on.

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