Yesterday was punishment day. On Sunday, I ate before Mrs. Lion. Last night, she remembered my transaction and I was spanked. I wasn’t a bit aroused at the prospect. I just wanted it to be done so I could relax and watch TV. I think that’s a sure sign that the novelty of our FLR with discipline has completely worn off. Does that mean it is time to stop? Could we stop if I decided I wanted to?
Mrs. Lion works hard to provide the FLR disciplinary environment I asked her to provide. She’s become very effective in her role. I’m accountable for every infraction of my rules. Disciplinary spanking is a regular part of our lives. So now that all this is well out of the fantasy-made-true zone, we can consider the true value of FLR with discipline. I realize that I’m not in the best position to make a decision regarding the value of our power exchange. I think there are objective ways to determine if we are going in the right direction.
One important signal is how Mrs. Lion approaches it. She has become more consistent and her spankings more painful. Last night, when I asked if I could finish my post before being spanked, she cheerfully told me I could. She informed me that she had already selected her paddle. Clearly, she doesn’t hate punishing me. I suspect she might enjoy it; just a little.
The big question is: Has FLR with discipline helped me be better? Have I learned anything under the shadow of the paddle? I think I have. I believe I interrupt less and I pay a great deal more attention to what Mrs. Lion wants. The frequency of rule breaking has also gone down.
Ok, I know that so far the rules are relatively trivial and the punishments are often fairly mild. But that was the idea. We both wanted a chance to take baby steps before moving to the next level. Now that we are incorporating all this as part of our routine, where do we go now?
I don’t know the answer to that question. I suspect Mrs. Lion doesn’t either. Maybe there isn’t an obvious answer. Maybe I need more rules that are easier to break. The reason that might help is the easier it is for me to get in trouble, the closer attention I have to pay to being obedient. That makes sense to me, but like most things, it provokes another question: Is our goal for me to become more obedient?
It might be. Can I be obedient and still be myself? I’ve thought about that a lot. I don’t think I can ever be subsumed by enforced obedience. I’m too independent. No matter how many spankings I have to endure, I’m not going to change. What will change is that Mrs. Lion will come into sharper focus. I will learn to do whatever she wishes. But I will still be me in the end.
My answer to the initial question about it being the time to stop is, no. It’s still very early in the process of my training. Check in with me in another year or so.