We went to the fair yesterday. It was one of those days when the sun was shining and the temperature a balmy 70 degrees F. (21 deg C). We ate bratwurst, Dole Whip, and I had an ear of roasted corn. It was really nice. We toured the vendor booths, saw a draft horse show, and spent some time with one of Mrs. Lion’s colleagues. We detoured on our way home for a Chinese dinner. Oh yeah, we brought home a couple of pounds of delicious chocolate fudge. When we got home, we ate some of the fudge, I watched TV and Mrs. Lion played on her iPad. Aren’t we the normal, middle-class couple? Nothing kinky, or even particularly sexual happened.
Mrs. Lion read my post yesterday about taking up residence. To my surprise she agreed that a rather significant change snuck up on us. She agreed that she is more consistent and that she almost never lets me get away with anything. This isn’t oppressive for me. Yes, I am not thrilled that I pay the price for every misbehavior. But it’s very clear that it was my naughtiness that brought on the sore bottom.
I always imagined that when I was consistently supervised and punished as needed, I would get some sort of erotic thrill as though I was living in a BDSM scene that never ended. That was the fantasy. Reality doesn’t resemble it at all. I don’t anticipate the next punishment session with an erection. I work hard to obey my rules. I tend to “forget” them after the effects of punishment wears off. Mild punishment wears off in a matter of a few days. Harsher punishment actively deters me much longer.
For the most part, we aren’t trying to do permanent behavior modification. Our lives aren’t part of a behavioral laboratory. We’re doing things that work for us on multiple levels. Mrs. Lion is learning to be more assertive and expect to be heard. I’m learning to accept instead of always leading. This is very different from any BDSM scenes I’ve lived or seen.
A lot of what we do is definitely BDSM. My punishments would work equally well in a scene as they do as real punishments. The only difference is intent. The sensations Mrs. Lion inflicts are intended to make me sorry I did something wrong. A scene with the same activities is designed as a kind of painful foreplay. Whether I am the top or bottom, the scene can be stopped or modified to make it fit the bottom. Even pushing limits feels very different when part of a punishment.
When Mrs. Lion spanks me past when I feel I can’t take anymore, I know that I can’t stop her. If she were my top, I could when I had enough. That’s the key. Who decides when it is enough is completely in the hands of Mrs. Lion when I am being punished. I don’t have to want to be spanked. I’m not asked if I’ve had enough. She decides.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t consensual and safe. It simply means that I know that I have no choices. I have to stay in place. When it is horribly painful, I have to realize I brought this on myself. While it may hurt a lot, I’m not going to be injured. Usually, I don’t even look red an hour later. BDSM scenes are about sensation. Punishment is about teaching. They may look identical from the outside. But to me, there is a world of difference between them.