I didn’t write a post yesterday. I was trying to understand my feelings. A week or so ago when I asked Mrs. Lion how she decided when I get to ejaculate, she responded, “When you want to.”
I’m not sure that is the full truth. But it is a lot of it. She has no real investment in when or if I come. It’s true she likes giving me orgasms. She also likes making me happy. To do that she knows I want her to be in control. It’s an interesting dilemma for her. If she wants me to come when she thinks I really want it, and I want to come when she decides I should, then what does she do?
She says she is neutral on the subject of my ejaculations; at least the scheduling of them. This disturbs me. I’ve been aware that, like most women, she has taken her role because she knows it’s important to me. I love that she does such a good job. I’ve long hoped that she would get pleasure from her role. She has said that she does like part of it. She doesn’t like punishing me, but recognizes it is necessary. I think she likes pegging me. I also think that edging me is a challenge she likes too.
I accept that. We are both able to continue our roles as we have before. The discussions here and at home about what that means doesn’t affect what we do. It does present me with questions. If I control what we do, how do I withdraw to give Mrs. Lion a better opportunity to truly make the decisions? Because I like being wild, is this why I’m not longer caged? Is my theory that wearing a chastity device is purely a male fetish true in our case? If I say I want to wear it again, will my decision to take it off be enough to remove it again.
It’s really nice not to be locked up. I’m more comfortable and I like being able to get hard. In the past, we both wrote that the cage was the glue in our power exchange. Since being wild, nothing has changed in terms of my chastity and our physical closeness. There has only been one change: We both talk about the fact that I control how things go. We never talked that frankly while I was locked.
Has Pandora’s box been opened? Is it too late for the chastity device to act as an effective tool to assert Mrs. Lion’s control? Even if it affects me that way, will it mean anything significant to her? I’m not sure it will. It may be a way for her to make me happy, but not a real expression of her feeling that she is in control.
What, if anything, can reinforce the reality of our power exchange? We both like that we are partners. I like when Mrs. Lion firmly maintains sexual control. She likes parts of it and is comfortable with the rest of her role. But something has changed. She’s repeatedly mentioned that somehow I control what happens. I’ve recognized that I initiated and perhaps control our power exchange. None of this is a surprise. But the mystery, at least to me, has faded.
Maybe that’s OK. We could refer to our power exchange as extended BDSM scenes. Others think of all this that way. This is a subject that we have to discuss. We need to revive things. Other than edging and snuggling, most of the rest is in the background. It’s true my injury, surgery, and recovery have had to be first for both of us. I’m well along in my recovery. We need to figure out how to move on.