By:
In: Lion's Journal, Ruined orgasm

If you graph male arousal, orgasm, ejaculation and recovery, you will see an almost parabolic shape (image, right). I certainly follow this pattern. Arousal starts off in a similar way to a woman’s. My excitement slowly builds until I am feeling very much into the experience. Then arousal climbs very sharply. I am very close to orgasm within a minute or two.

The rest happens in a matter of seconds. I become consumed with excitement and then orgasm begins. Ejaculation starts two or three seconds after the beginning of my orgasm. I continue at this peak while most of my seminal fluid is ejaculated. Then, my arousal begins to die and within less than a minute, my erection is softening and my interest in sex has dropped sharply.

Since, for four years over 95% of my sexual arousal ends just before ejaculation begins, I believe my pattern has changed quite dramatically. The top of the curve has flattened a bit. There is a longer delay between the start of orgasm and ejaculation. My excitement builds a little more slowly. I think there is a few seconds delay between when I think I will be coming and when the orgasm actually starts.

I can’t explain why I think this has happened. It may be that some subconscious part of my brain has learned that stimulation will stop before I can actually ejaculate. It wants to please my partner. She is apparently pleased (since this happens almost all the time) if she has a chance to stop before I reach the point of no return.

Mrs. Lion has become very skilled at edging me. It is extremely rare when she goes too far and I begin to ejaculate. When she does, she usually gets back to masturbating me so the orgasm isn’t accidentally ruined. Of course, when she wants to ruin an orgasm, she usually can stop stimulating me before I think I’m ready to come. But somehow she is right and my PC muscles clench and semen drools out. As the fluid starts to flow, I feel the unmistakable sensation of a ruined orgasm.

This sensation is nearly painful if she waits until I am at the very brink of ejaculation. It is more pleasurable if she catches me when I am past the point of no return, but some distance from that point. When she does that, there is a delay of up to 15 seconds before the semen oozes out. My PC muscles contract and release and my erection bobs up and down.

But the sensation is more like being very aroused than crashing just before ejaculation. Mrs. Lion knows this of course and has perfected her technique. It’s been a while since she’s done this. I’m fine with that. My waits are longer and a ruined orgasm is the same as a full one in terms of my body’s reaction to it. I suppose it would be fair to give me a ruined orgasm instead of a full one at the end of my wait. I don’t think Mrs. Lion feels that is fair to me. While I don’t like it very much, I believe it is a fair way to end my wait.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Submission takes a real toll on a person; not the submissive, but the person expected to be dominant. I spent nearly a decade as a full-time (24/7) master. I had a live-in slave who expected me to be unrelentingly in charge. The fact that I survived a decade in this role is less attributable to my steadfast commitment to my dominant personality than it was to the inertia of keeping the status quo.

The emotional cost was huge. During the time we were together, I bottomed in some BDSM scenes. That helped the Yin Yang of power exchanges. But it was doomed to end badly. Over time, I withdrew more and more. She, of course, felt neglected. We finally parted company barely speaking to one another.

I know that a lot of the fantasies around domination and submission are about 24/7 power exchanges. It may be sexy to imagine yourself under the control of a strict, demanding keyholder/disciplining wife, but that stuff can get tiring. I think that some guys who propose enforced chastity encumbered with endless rules, sexual favors, and constant reference to their cocks, generally either fail to find someone willing to try it or fail quickly if they do.

The people I know who actually manage this over years, like us, don’t live in this D/S world. Yes, I have rules that are strictly enforced. They are behavioral and uncomplicated. I can’t masturbate, interrupt, eat first, etc. Punishment is administered at Mrs. Lion’s pleasure. We spend almost all of our time as a normal couple who deal with life as partners. I pay the bills. Mrs. Lion does a lot of the housework. We both cook and clean up. It’s exactly the same way we lived prior to any power exchange.

We both recognize that the chastity device I wore all those years was for me. I like that kink and enjoy bondage. Mrs. Lion indulges that. Again, that was uncomplicated as well. I stayed locked in. She unlocked me for teasing, shaving and trips. There was very little conversational reference to it. Of course it prevented me from erections and masturbating. I won’t cheat anyway. I’ve been unlocked for six months with no temptation to jerk off. I’m well trained.

My point is that if you are interested in a FLR (either as dominant or submissive), the first thing to realize is that a relationship isn’t sustainable if it is based on a relentless power exchange. It’s ok to always take one role, but it isn’t particularly useful to expect life to be a 24/7 D/S scene. The key to long-term power exchanges is simple: moderation.

Yes, you can be locked in a chastity device 24/7. Yes, she can make rules and punish you for breaking them. You can be made to wear panties if you want. I don’t know any women who particularly care what underwear their partners wear. The point is that FLR and enforced chastity are real and can be practiced for life if and only if it is done with moderation.

By:
In: Edging, Spanking

It’s a good thing I’m not really a jealous person. Lion asked me to use the Magic Wand last night. I’m sure it wasn’t because I couldn’t get him hard. I would have eventually. Uncharacteristically, he asked me to stop trying “for now” and then a little while later he asked me to use the Magic Wand.

And use it I did. He was very close to being a puddle when I stopped for the night. Oh so close and yet, not close enough. I guess, rather than being jealous, I should be glad I have the Magic Wand to torture him with.

We are both still under the weather to some extent so play is still limited. We’re snuggling, holding hands, just being close. I’m hoping my achiness/flu/cold/whatever this is and Lion’s cold/allergies/whatever that is will not last much longer. It just gets in the way. Until it’s gone we’ll continue to snuggle under the blankets where it’s warm. And, hey, you never know what will come out of snuggling.

I think Lion might be in for some swats when both of us feel up to it. Last night I was trying to tell him about some fairly big developments at work and he kept interrupting me. He wanted the story to progress a certain way but it was my story and I was telling it in chronological order. I know my work frustrates him but not more than it frustrates me so, and I say this lovingly, shut up and listen to me when I’m venting, Lion. [Lion – Yes Ma’am.]

By:
In: BDSM, Lion's Journal

I wore a purple thong all day yesterday. I put it on in the morning, grimaced as I glanced in the mirror, finished getting dressed, and promptly forgot I was wearing it. When I went to the men’s room to pee, I remembered. It wasn’t that the underwear was exposed, but that it was so easy to get my penis out. I normally wear boxer briefs that require me to pull down my pants because the underwear has no fly. In a real sense the thong was more convenient. Don’t get me wrong. I really dislike wearing women’s underwear. It doesn’t fit all that well and I look silly in it.

Of course, that isn’t the point. It’s a way for me to viscerally understand Mrs. Lion’s power. I don’t think she likes to see me in panties any more than I like wearing them. It’s harmless, lioness fun. We haven’t had much fun the last few months. Between my surgery, recovery, and recent allergies, I haven’t been in the mood for play. As a result, we’ve been pretty vanilla; at least as vanilla a couple can be where the male has panties on.

My serious lack of fetishes gets in the way of easy domination. I have a long flirtation with enforced chastity. That’s obviously true. But I’m not as addicted to it as many others. I think I’m affected more by the absence of kink than its presence. I need kink. I love sexy power exchanges. But I’m a more of an omnivore than someone addicted any particular kink.

You’d think that would make me very easy to please. But it doesn’t. I’m often too filled with my own ideas about how things should work. I don’t leave much room for Mrs. Lion to make something her own. Sadly, she usually takes my ideas as gospel. After all, it’s what I told her I want. She doesn’t necessarily care much about the activity; at least she doesn’t when she first starts out. Because I “help” her — Mr. know-it-all Lion — she will lose engagement and just do it by rote. We both lose.

We both have to change. I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. I should just make a suggestion and let it go. Mrs. Lion could help by using her paddle to remind me to shut up. If we work together, maybe we will both have more “fun”.