Self Control

Mrs. Lion is right. I get too involved in things that are strictly her domain. She owns me and the cage. She and she alone decides when I am locked or wild. She decides which cage I wear. Period.

She also decides when we play and how much intensity I endure. I just can’t seem to help myself from offering my opinion. I don’t think I’m aware that I’m doing it much of the time. I have a suggestion: Make these annoying habits of mine punishable offenses. It’s just a suggestion.

That’s too absolute. Sometimes, Mrs. Lion likes to get suggestions. In her post yesterday, she’s made it clear that bedtime is definitely the wrong time for me to ask questions or offer my opinion. I know that she wants to be fair and the idea of punishing me for something that is sometimes ok to do fits into that category. As Mrs. Lion often says, “That’s a Lion problem.”

I’ve gotten a few bad habits. They are centered around the fact that what we are doing is for me. Mrs. Lion has taken all this up out of love for me. She’s made this clear from the beginning. She also needed my help understanding what all this is about (enforced chastity, FLRD, and BDSM play). She really doesn’t need it any more.

I can’t help myself sometimes. I think about something, like erection control, and then I just have to suggest it to Mrs. Lion. She almost never says, “No.” She listens and usually gives me a “maybe.” I just keep trying to convince her to do it. It’s borderline topping from the bottom.

I understand how we got here. I was the expert in kinky stuff. Mrs. Lion was willing to try it, but has no organic need to hurt me or lock me up. She didn’t start out enjoying my suffering. I keep trying to fill in that gap with ideas she might be able to internalize. It never occurred to me that once she had the basic idea, she would move at her own pace and make our power exchange her own.

It isn’t all horrible. Even under the current conditions, we’ve both grown and have adopted FLRD and enforced chastity. It is part of our lives. I’m grateful it is.

It’s time for me to back off. Mrs. Lion knows what she is doing. She needs to figure out how to enhance her pleasure as well as create the environment best for me.

I think that I like to identify “trends” when something happens that I like. For example, her increased intensity in BDSM play is a “trend” I like. What I like is that Mrs. Lion isn’t trying to adjust the intensity to make it “fun” for me. Over the last few days, she seems to be going for what will give me the most intense sensation. I would like that to be a trend. But it probably isn’t.

The reason I wanted to celebrate this change is that I interpreted it as Mrs. Lion perfecting her skill without worrying that I won’t have fun. I know she wants me to have fun. I want her to approach play (and punishment) the way she plays on her iPad. She solves puzzles and plays games trying to get the best score possible. That sort of approach to things she does to me might be more fun to her. It becomes a game of getting the biggest reaction from me rather than just doing what I like.

She may not like that idea. That’s fine. She decides how she wants to approach things. It’s my job to accept what she chooses to do. I need patience and more submission. That’s why I am making a suggestion that I be punished for getting too involved. I have to learn more self control.

What do you think?