When It Really Counts
I’ve resolved to be a lot less analytical about our power exchange. You can help to keep me honest.
Mrs. Lion tends to use punishments to correct explicit rules I have. Almost all of them cover behaviors that don’t cause Mrs. Lion any great upset if I break them.
For example, I’m punished if I spill food on myself. Similarly, I feel it if I eat before Mrs. Lion starts unless I have permission. Neither of these offensive are distressing to her. They’re things she wants me to learn. The result of her corrections is that I try to obey those rules. As a result, I’m punished infrequently.
But then there is a rule that causes Mrs. Lion distress when I break it. That’s when I interrupt her. Oddly, I have only been punished for doing this a couple of times. I know she hates it when it happens.
This brings to mind two questions: Would spanking me every time I interrupt change my behavior? Is it difficult to punish me for offenses that actually mean something to Mrs. Lion?
Based on our limited experience with punishing for being sloppy or eating first, it appears I do learn to correct the behavior; at least for a while. I tend to slip a bit after a month or two. One painful spanking renews my attention for another period of time.
The second question is much more difficult. I know that Mrs. Lion believes she should never punish while angry. That could postpone reacting to me interrupting her. By the time she’s cooled down, she may decide it just isn’t worth bringing up again. She also may have an issue with punishing me for doing something she doesn’t like.
Spanking me for spilling is more like a game. We agreed that would be an offense that would earn me punishment. But spanking me for interrupting? There’s a subtle issue here. The first, I think, is that interrupting is a real marital issue. It causes her distress. Does she believe she has the right to hurt me because I upset her?
Spanking me for interrupting is teaching me to be more aware and considerate of her feelings. Without a doubt that’s a very good thing for me to improve. But to do it, she has to believe she has the right to shape my behavior to make her happier. We’re out of the play zone.
I suspect that this isn’t unique to us. Our disciplinary relationship is a consensual and closely resembles the BDSM play we did before our FLRD. In my mind, the most significant difference between a spanking scene and punishment is the context. A BDSM scene isn’t based on punishing the bottom for upsetting the top. As a top, the last thing I would do would be to spank someone who was upsetting me.
However, in a disciplinary relationship, one of the best reasons to spank me would be when I upset my lioness. But to do this she has to feel entitled to punish me and feel that she has the right to demand I treat her as she wishes. No scene. No games. Just correction for unacceptable behavior.
This is a huge step for any couple. Mrs. Lion has to trust that I will accept real correction. She has to know that I won’t get angry at her. I have to recognize that her authority transcends the arbitrary rules I follow. We both have to understand that I will be punished until I learn to change my ways.
Given that I’m a pretty stubborn critter and very strong willed, it takes a lot to get me to change. It may feel like less trouble to just overlook when I interrupt, for example, than to risk the potential problems that disciplining me when I am not “playing the game” can cause.
One reason why my frequent punishments for the arbitrary rules are so helpful is that both of us are learning that we are secure in our roles. No matter how I feel about the situation, I will present myself for punishment. Mrs. Lion knows this. But knowing and acting are very different. I think that this hurdle is the most difficult one we have to overcome. I want Mrs. Lion to punish me when I do things she doesn’t like. I want her to do it even if I vehemently disagree and feel she is being unfair. Ultimately, I will become a better husband and person if she does this.