Month: April 2018 (Page 3)

If Lion noticed he made no mention of the fact that I moved the Icy Hot so I would remember to use it. I told him I was going to put it on the bed but I worried the dog would chew it and get a mouthful of yuck so I left it front and center near my sink in the bathroom. He didn’t question it. He may not have been paying attention. Or he may have been ignoring it altogether. Sometimes it’s best not to think about burning things on your balls.

We didn’t play last night. Lion was watching the season finale of a show he really likes. I was tired and playing on my iPad while he watched. Just before bed he lamented that he hadn’t been unlocked. Poor Lion. No attention. Buh, buh, buh. And he’s so horny. What a catastrophe!

He was kidding. I knew he was. But today he told me he was very comfortable in his cage. It usually pinches while he drives or when he’s sitting at work. Today it’s smooth sailing. OK then. That must mean my weenie is very comfortable and doesn’t need to be unlocked. Maybe, despite Lion ignoring the Icy Hot, my weenie knows it’s waiting for his friends, the balls, and he’s being quiet and unassuming. “Shhh. Don’t make a sound and she’ll forget we’re here.” Not likely.

I will unlock weenie and the boys tonight. I’m 99% sure I’ll use the Icy Hot.

Poor boy.

Mrs. Lion is right. I get too involved in things that are strictly her domain. She owns me and the cage. She and she alone decides when I am locked or wild. She decides which cage I wear. Period.

She also decides when we play and how much intensity I endure. I just can’t seem to help myself from offering my opinion. I don’t think I’m aware that I’m doing it much of the time. I have a suggestion: Make these annoying habits of mine punishable offenses. It’s just a suggestion.

That’s too absolute. Sometimes, Mrs. Lion likes to get suggestions. In her post yesterday, she’s made it clear that bedtime is definitely the wrong time for me to ask questions or offer my opinion. I know that she wants to be fair and the idea of punishing me for something that is sometimes ok to do fits into that category. As Mrs. Lion often says, “That’s a Lion problem.”

I’ve gotten a few bad habits. They are centered around the fact that what we are doing is for me. Mrs. Lion has taken all this up out of love for me. She’s made this clear from the beginning. She also needed my help understanding what all this is about (enforced chastity, FLRD, and BDSM play). She really doesn’t need it any more.

I can’t help myself sometimes. I think about something, like erection control, and then I just have to suggest it to Mrs. Lion. She almost never says, “No.” She listens and usually gives me a “maybe.” I just keep trying to convince her to do it. It’s borderline topping from the bottom.

I understand how we got here. I was the expert in kinky stuff. Mrs. Lion was willing to try it, but has no organic need to hurt me or lock me up. She didn’t start out enjoying my suffering. I keep trying to fill in that gap with ideas she might be able to internalize. It never occurred to me that once she had the basic idea, she would move at her own pace and make our power exchange her own.

It isn’t all horrible. Even under the current conditions, we’ve both grown and have adopted FLRD and enforced chastity. It is part of our lives. I’m grateful it is.

It’s time for me to back off. Mrs. Lion knows what she is doing. She needs to figure out how to enhance her pleasure as well as create the environment best for me.

I think that I like to identify “trends” when something happens that I like. For example, her increased intensity in BDSM play is a “trend” I like. What I like is that Mrs. Lion isn’t trying to adjust the intensity to make it “fun” for me. Over the last few days, she seems to be going for what will give me the most intense sensation. I would like that to be a trend. But it probably isn’t.

The reason I wanted to celebrate this change is that I interpreted it as Mrs. Lion perfecting her skill without worrying that I won’t have fun. I know she wants me to have fun. I want her to approach play (and punishment) the way she plays on her iPad. She solves puzzles and plays games trying to get the best score possible. That sort of approach to things she does to me might be more fun to her. It becomes a game of getting the biggest reaction from me rather than just doing what I like.

She may not like that idea. That’s fine. She decides how she wants to approach things. It’s my job to accept what she chooses to do. I need patience and more submission. That’s why I am making a suggestion that I be punished for getting too involved. I have to learn more self control.

“You seem happier now that the cage is back on,” Lion said as we were settling in for bed. Do I? What am I doing that makes me seem happier? He couldn’t answer that. Then he asked if I thought things were better with or without the cage. I said we decided the cage should be on a while ago. That wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

Why do we have to have these philosophical discussions when it’s time for bed? I’m trying to turn my brain off. I don’t want to initiate the launch sequence again. I’m either already half asleep and it wakes me up again or I’m struggling to fall asleep.

On the way to work this morning I was wondering why, if I really do seem happier, it couldn’t be because we made it through a weekend without Lion falling down the stairs or having to deal with kidney stone issues or the flu? Or maybe it’s because the sun has been out. Or a return to play with or without the cage being on. Or the sun. Or the fact that he’s able to help out more around the house because he hasn’t fallen down the stairs and isn’t dealing with kidney stone issues. Or the sun.

The other problem I have with these bedtime discussions is that sometimes Lion is looking for the truth about things and other times he wants the chastity/FLR version. At that hour I’m barely equipped to form a complete sentence let alone decide what version he’s looking for.

I also don’t spend an awful lot of time thinking about the cage. Some months ago we decided it should go back on. I decided that it will be on when I want it on and off when I want it off. Lion liked that idea. Recently he suggested it should be on except when I want to actively play with him. Apparently there’s no reason for him to take a shower without it. Ever. And he should have to travel with the nylon cage. I balked at both of those things.

If the cage is on when I want it on and off when I want it off then I should decide when it’s on or off. I mean, duh. Lion shouldn’t have a say in it. He can make suggestions and I can choose to employ them or ignore them. If I decide he’ll be wild from May 9 to May 27 then that’s what will happen. If I decide he won’t get unlocked from April 30 to May 4 then that’s what will happen. I don’t have any plans to do either of those things but it should be possible.

Ultimately, I am doing these things because Lion wants me to do them. But if I’m supposed to be in charge then I’m in charge. Your opinions, while usually welcome, are just opinions, Lion. It doesn’t matter why the cage is on. It’s on. And it will stay on until I want it off, for however long that is at any given time.

Monday night Mrs. Lion asked me if I was horny. I had an orgasm on Sunday, so she was fairly sure that I probably wasn’t. I couldn’t honestly answer. She’s had me locked in the nylon cage at all times except when she wanted access. After I came on Sunday, she let me shower without the cage. Then it went on until Monday’s session.

She got out the Box O’Fun and had me pick an activity. (I can’t see what I am picking). My pick turned out to be for a spanking. Too bad. She had just finished a maintenance spanking. I went fishing in the box again. This time I picked Velcro ties. Uh oh. Mrs. Lion can’t find them. We gave up for the night.

When she unlocked me, it didn’t take much for me to get hard. She edged me several times, paused, and edged me more. As soon as I got soft, the cage went back on. More than ever, I’m convinced that the main benefit for me is that only her hands can touch my penis. The cage effectively isolates it. I think that helps make me more responsive.

The boner pills don’t hurt the situation. Their primary benefit for me is that they let me get much harder and keep me hard much longer than before using them. This makes total sense. They allow easier, increased blood flow to the penis. This additional flow accounts for this most enjoyable improvement.

My spanking was the first in months. Between recovering from the flu and surgery, Mrs. Lion has been more forgiving. I’m also very aware of my rules and work hard to obey them. I admit that I’ve missed being spanked. Even though Monday’s spanking was not punishment and was considerably more gentle than usual, it didn’t take long for me to remember why I’m so careful about my obedience. I was yelping pitifully in no time.

I’ve never been a fan of so-called maintenance spankings. They feel more like a BDSM scene than part of our FLRD. I may be wrong. I think I benefited from the swats on Monday night. They reminded me of Mrs. Lion’s power. I know she doesn’t agree, but it might have left even more of an impression if it was the same intensity as a punishment spanking.

On the other hand, now that I am better, Mrs. Lion can go back to stricter controls. This will certainly result in real spankings and other punishments. Maybe I should shut up and be grateful it wasn’t worse on Monday.

Speaking just for myself, I think that there has to be little distance between punishment sessions. This isn’t part of my BDSM desire for play. It seems that I easily forget my place. I suspect Mrs. Lion forgets hers too. Part of getting back to normal for both of us requires reinforcement of our roles.

Part of this is my need for these activities. Another part is that we are still too new at FLRD to relax and just let things flow. We quickly revert to our old selves. Every time I’m punished, we are both reminded of our new world.

It seems that in our case, the routinization of discipline acts as a catalyst that keeps the chemical reaction of our power exchange flowing. It’s just what works for us. When Mrs. Lion refers to “getting back to normal,” she’s usually referring to our play and teasing. But I think it is more than that. It’s hard for me to admit, but I need her active authority for things to feel normal for me.

We’ve come a long way. We understand what we have to do to make all this work. We learned that I need to wear a chastity device all the time. The reason has nothing to do with preventing me from unauthorized activities. It’s more subtle. I’m not sure I understand what it is, but we clearly need it.

The same is true of a disciplinary relationship. I need her strict enforcement. I suspect she needs to punish me; not because she wants to hurt me, but like the chastity device, the activity is a necessary component of what we consider a balanced relationship.

It’s way too easy to try to explain why any of this is true. As you know, I love trying. But I also realize that I have no real idea why enforced chastity and discipline are so important for us to feel that things are in balance. I’m not complaining. I like how it feels when we have that balance.