Twenty years ago, it was difficult to find women who admitted that they liked being sexually dominant. BDSM organization meetings were largely sausage parties, filled with self-defined submissive guys. Dominant women were few and far between. They were out there, but seldom attended meetings where they had to feel surrounded by lusting submissive men.
I think that the reality has always been that most people have a certain flexibility in sexual roles. Most people are culturally conditioned to treat sex as a limited set of genitally-centered activities. Of course, for women especially, there is a strong emotional component. There is “sex” and “kinky sex”. Most people might claim to like sex, but as for kinky sex, oh no! Of course, you know all this.
Since the Net and Web have become ubiquitous, the gap between dominant women and submissive men has been closing. Part of it is probably the ability to express and test intimate things under the cloak of anonymity. Some have taken their fantasies out of the ether and experienced them in real life. It’s easier to meet people who share an interest. Geography isn’t a limitation. The pool of potential partners is global.
Not surprisingly, a large majority of the people who use the Internet for sexual interaction are male. I think that majority is shrinking. More and more women are joining the conversation.
The most successful D/S relationships I’ve seen are between husbands and wives who married for the usual reasons. Power exchange wasn’t a big factor in why they selected each other. That was true of Mrs. Lion and I. We met because we wanted sex. We were very open about that. For our own reasons, we wanted to find a compatible sex partner.
Obviously, we were compatible. We started with sex,. Normally that’s the worst reason to find a partner. We were lucky. Between orgasms we fell in love. I slowly realized that I wanted to be with her all the time, not just when I was horny. She felt the same way. Here we are fifteen years later, still hopelessly in love. Over time, I told her of my desire to be tied up, spanked, etc. We tried it, but it didn’t take. Mrs. Lion wasn’t adverse to the play, but had no real desire to do it.
On and off we would play. I realized that I need it to feel fully satisfied. We didn’t play very often. We also had less and less sex. I thought it was due to the lack of BDSM. Mrs. Lion thought it was because I failed to initiate sex. We were both right. Despite this issue, we stayed in love. Neither of us could imagine being with anyone else. Giving up sex was a small price to pay for the love of my life.
As you know, this all changed when I suggested locking me up in a male chastity device. The device is the catalyst that triggered a sexual chemical reaction we now enjoy. Ironically, Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex for herself. We both tried to revive it without success. That hasn’t stopped her from learning to be a most effective dominant woman (note: I don’t use the word “domme”. That is an invention of the folks on alt.sex.spanking).is a fully developed dominant.
This pattern, the couple developing the power exchange after being together a while, appears to be the most enduring form of a D/S relationship. I think I know why. The couple is focused on their love for each other, not their desire to experience a power exchange. If the power exchange ended tomorrow, we would still be together and just as close. Invariably, the interest in BDSM waxes and wanes. If the main glue holding a couple together is BDSM, as interest wanes, the relationship can loose connection too.