I was looking at Julie’s post, a random photo selection on her blog, Strict Julie Spanks. At the top of the post there’s a picture of a man standing in a corner, hands above his head, with a very red butt (photo shopped — real butts never photograph that red). Standing behind and to one side is a young woman holding a large paddle. I guess that counts as femdom porn. For those of us who get turned on by the idea of being spanked it is arousing.
I focused my attention on the woman with the paddle. She had, what looked to me as a mock-stern expression. It started me thinking about Mrs. Lion who has put me in a corner after reddening my bottom. I know she spanks me because I asked her to discipline me. When she punishes me is she imagining herself in a role? Has the concept of punishing her husband become a normal part of her experience as a wife?
When we began our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline), I know that she was punishing me because I asked for her to take on that job. Over the last three years or so, she has perfected her role. In a recent post, she commented that she was taken back by people in her family eating before she started. I’m required to wait for her to eat or get her permission before I can start a meal.
The fact that my rule has become a natural expectation she has even when not with me, suggests that she has internalized her role to some extent. I don’t want to label this one event as a signal she is now a different woman; a stern disciplinarian who takes that role seriously. It almost certainly isn’t. But I believe something’s happened.
Her role as disciplining wife has “soaked in” to some extent. I’m pretty sure it isn’t completely “natural” for her to pick up a paddle and spank me. I do believe she fully accepts correcting me as part of her life. Punishing me seems to still present challenges.
Spanking, currently her only form of punishment, is still somewhat uncertain. I get the feeling she hasn’t figured out how much and how long to spank me. What is the objective? This isn’t a simple question. The simplest, BDSM answer is to do it enough to satisfy me that I’ve been spanked. She does that now and then when she senses I’ve had enough, she goes on a little more.
I believe that extra swatting is a way to let me know she is punishing me. Fair enough. But is it enough? If I’m right about her technique, I’m still controlling the situation. To some extent every person being spanked is in some control. I send signals that she interprets and acts upon. The fact she correctly understands when I feel that I’ve had enough is a great accomplishment.
That point may be a cue for her to say, “Now we start the real punishment.” Anything that happens after I signal that I’ve had enough is going to be interpreted by me as unwelcome pain that I don’t want to accept; in other words, punishment. It doesn’t come down to how red my bottom gets or how many bruises I have. It’s much more primal. It’s me accepting spanking way past my comfort zone.
I’ve read some disciplining wives who divide the spanking into sections. The first part, the one I accept willingly, is 25%, preparing me to be punished. Then, the real punishment begins. The spanking is kept up without pause. It should make me yelp and scream. That’s 50%. The last 25% is hard and fast and keeps going until sincere apologies are forthcoming.
This formula produces a spanking that will always be a very good deterrent. More importantly, it is a formula that can be impartially followed. It doesn’t say anything about how hard or how red. Just, using my reactions to set the pace, but not call the shots.
There’s one other thing. Mrs. Lion expects me to thank her for spanking me. I usually need prodding to remember. Perhaps I should be required to remain in the spanking position when Mrs. Lion is done. Then, she can wait for my thanks. If it doesn’t come, she could resume her spanking until I remember. Letting me get up and out of the submissive position lets me lose my focus.
Of course, these are just suggestions. Mrs. Lion is perfectly capable of disciplining me as she sees fit. Blame it on Julie’s blog. It got me thinking, and you know what that means.