For some time now I’ve been wild (no chastity device). Even so, my rules continue to be enforced. I don’t masturbate. Recently, I’ve been considering why I would or wouldn’t be locked into a chastity device now that nearly five years of conditioning has trained me to behave as though I am wearing one, even when I’m not.
There’s no simple way to understand the influence the device has had on both of us. Just as I’ve been trained to avoid getting myself off, Mrs. Lion has learned to be consistent in her role as my keyholder and disciplining wife. Between enforced male chastity and our blog, we have changed our physical relationship drastically.
Mrs. Lion has always been spontaneous about when I get to ejaculate. She often decides if I will come or not after she has started teasing me. She’s said that she prefers this to a schedule. I’m fine with that. I do tend to get more orgasms this way. As far as I can tell, this hasn’t damaged any other part of our relationship.
Since my shoulder surgery Mrs. Lion has narrowed her BDSM focus. Panties, diapers, dildos, and visits to our dungeon have virtually disappeared. I think the reason is that Mrs. Lion lets me decide if I want “play” or not. That’s a very clear acknowledgement that BDSM is just for me. She likes to make me happy, but putting me into panties or diapers doesn’t affect her. So, if I don’t want to do it, she’s happy to go along. The same is true of play spankings and anal training.She knows I find things up my ass uncomfortable. So why use the time and energy if I’m not having fun?
This isn’t intended as a criticism. It’s an observation. Should Mrs. Lion do things she knows I don’t like, when she doesn’t have any fun doing them? This applies to the chastity device, play spanking, anal activities, and bondage. I haven’t written about any of these things in a long time. Mrs. Lion has no hints from me that I want to be “forced” to accept these things. I think that’s because I know full well that if I write, for example, about pegging, Mrs. Lion may well take that a veiled request for her to do it to me.
We both know that our blog posts provide input and feedback to one another. I’ve intentionally stayed away from wistful comments about BDSM activities. I’m ambivalent about having the ability to “remind” Mrs. Lion of something I want.
For one thing, I may not really want it when the time comes from it to happen. For another, I’m resistant to the idea that I can plan any of these activities. I also don’t like that I can stop one that is bothering me. Most notorious are the dreaded diapers. I really hate wearing them after a while. Mrs. Lion has always been kind enough to let me out of them when I ask. Should she do that?
In one sense I think she should. I am relieved and feel so much better when I can escape a hot, wet diaper. But in another, I am reminded that I only have to wear one when I want to. While at the time, I am happy, ultimately I am disappointed that I have so much control. This isn’t a matter of Mrs. Lion surrendering power to me. It’s more that I know that the only one getting anything out of the experience is me. My wish to submit is being indulged because Mrs. Lion wants me to be happy.
Ultimately, this is true. I know that. But I’ve never been a fan of dominance as a service. I prefer losing control and being forced to go past the point I am having sexual fun by submitting. I know that Mrs. Lion isn’t even amused by my plight when she diapers me or puts me in panties. I doubt any woman really finds that fun. We men like to think that our partners are turned on by our humiliation and discomfort. I know a lot of dominant women. Not one has ever agreed it is sexual fun to see her man in panties. However, that isn’t to say it isn’t fun to see him in an uncomfortable predicament.
I think the dominant side of BDSM is more of an intellectual exercise than an emotional one. From my own experience, I know that I got pleasure out of pushing the envelope with my partner. The best examples are anal play and play spanking. It was fun for me to watch “progress” as she could manage larger and larger dildos, for example.
It was also fun to be successful in “training”. An example of my training its the drastic reduction of the number of times I spill food on my shirt. I’ve been trained to be vary careful about that. I’ve also been trained to always wait for Mrs. Lion to eat first or give me permission to eat. I don’t know if she enjoys her success, but it is tangible evidence of her skill in domination. It surprises me that I am trained. But I have to admit that I am. I don’t even think about it. I just do what she has trained me to do.
I wonder if she thinks about this. Is it enough fun to want me to learn other things? I also wonder if the chastity device wasn’t a reminder to “make” me do other things that she knows I find arousing, but hate when they happen to me. I’m not asking for more of this stuff as much as asking how she thinks and feels about these activities, particularly training.