Month: August 2018

I’m still not convinced about good boy orgasms. I can’t give Lion an orgasm any time I want? I have to wait until he’s done something (as of yet undetermined) good for him to get an orgasm? It seems to me that takes my power away. Isn’t that one step backwards?

Regardless, I decided to give it a shot. I’m all about experiments, after all. Last night was Lion’s first attaboy orgasm. When I started off, I was just going to edge him. I’d decided Lion’s next orgasm was Sunday. I figured we could start the good boy orgasms after that.

I think what changed my mind was that it was taking a long time to get Lion to the edge. His idea is that I should give him his reward orgasm whether he wants it or not. Clearly he was having trouble last night. What better time to give him his orgasm?

I know that seems like I’m dooming it failure from the start. I guess that’s not far off. I don’t like the idea of not having the freedom of giving him an orgasm when I want. In this case, I get what I want when I want it. Shouldn’t I get what I want? I am in charge, aren’t I?

That said, I really am willing to try it. I have no idea how it will work. I don’t know what actions will be a win for Lion. If I can punish him for annoying me, then I should be able to reward him for pleasing me. Anytime. I’ll have to keep my eye out for extra good behavior. It took me some time to get used to looking for bad behavior. I’m sure it’ll take some time to get used to looking for good behavior.

But I’m still a little concerned about not being able to just give him an orgasm for no reason at all.

[Lion — Mrs. Lion can give me a play spanking. She doesn’t have to wait for me to earn a punishment. If she can do that, then she can give me an orgasm “just because.”]

My proposal to use orgasms as rewards has stirred up some controversy in the orthodox enforced chastity community. The main objection is that the idea of enforced male chastity is that the caged male is supposed to be forced to wait a long time between orgasms. Really? Why?

As I see it, the point of male chastity is sexual control. The chastity device locked on my penis prevents me from enjoying sex without being unlocked by my keyholder, Mrs. Lion. Put succinctly, I can not masturbate or enjoy any sexual release she doesn’t provide. Period. Nada. Nothing. Not even a stiffy.

OK, that’s something I find exciting. What does it do for Mrs. Lion? The mythology is that the hornier I get, the more I will work to please her. That’s simply not true in real life. All that happens when I have to wait is that I want sex; badly. In other words, enforced chastity is a sexual game that is exciting for me. Mrs. Lion is my keyholder because she loves me and wants to make me happy.

If we take a broader view of male chastity, it turns out there is a way to make it work for my lioness. Let me tell you about a TV show:

”Becker” was a sitcom about a grumpy doctor and his life in New York City. In one episode, a teenage boy comes in with a problem. He tells Dr. Becker that he keeps getting erections at odd moments. I identified with the kid. That happened to me when I was a teen. Becker tells the kid it is normal. The boy objects. He says that the other day he was vacuuming for his mother and she saw his erection inside his pants. “Now,” he complained, “she thinks I like housework.”

That line is the key to my idea of sexual rewards. What would happen if Mrs. Lion gave me an orgasm after I did a chore, let’s say the laundry. Like punishments the reward would come right after I finish. Let’s imagine that this happens every single time I do it. How long would it take for me to get turned on when I wash clothes?

This is a perfect case of conditioning. Pavlov’s dogs learned that when a bell rings they get fed. So, every time they heard a bell, they salivated. Textbook positive conditioning. Would I associate sexual satisfaction with a household task? Possibly.

It seems too simple. Am I really that easy to program? In the Lions’ laboratory, Mrs. Lion has full control of my sexual pleasure. She can give me orgasms as often or as seldom as she wishes. It’s a perfect experimental situation. If she gives me an orgasm as a reward for behavior she wants me to learn and does it consistently and as soon after the behavior as possible, we can find out. She also can’t give me one for any other reason.

I could end up getting more orgasms than I want. If doing a chore is a rule, then if I perform it successfully I get an orgasm. If I don’t, I get spanked. I know that I will do the chore because I would much rather ejaculate than suffer a punishment.

If I’m right, and I want to avoid punishment, I will ejaculate whenever I do waht I’m told. The punishment is needed because if I don’t want to come, it would be easy to just avoid my assignment. Adding the punishment makes me do the job no matter how interested in sex I am. If I’m right, after a while I will be aroused at the prospect of doing the task. I will associate it with orgasm.

This doesn’t feel to me like the “fun” game of waiting for orgasms. It’s turning the game on its head. It’s now a conditioning tool for me. It’s dialing up Mrs. Lion’s control and turning sex into another tool she uses in her role as disciplining wife. It’s truly enforced chastity in the strongest sense.

Mrs. Lion is not convinced that she wants to try this. I’m hoping she will. While it will be difficult for me, the additional control I will feel should be very exciting. I want to try being Pavlov’s lion.

We have arrived. It didn’t take long to get things set up. We’re seasoned pros at this by now. We have a few issues that require attention but nothing too difficult. In a little while (I’m writing this at about 4 pm Pacific time) we’ll head out to dinner and upload this post. The wifi at the campground isn’t cooperating so far.

We are maybe a quarter of a mile from the ocean. We just need to walk through the beach grass, up over a dune and voila! It won’t be very warm while we’re here but we’ll make the most of it. The main thing is that we’re not at work and we can explore.

Lion did a lot of work to get things ready for our trip. He took a lot of food out. He stripped the bed and washed all the sheets and towels. He took our clothes out. He kept saying, “See? I can be a good boy.” He’s hoping to earn himself an orgasm. I appreciate all his hard work. I’m just not sure how this be-a-good-boy-get-an-orgasm thing is going to work. Or if it will work at all.

If he gets me a drink, do I give him an orgasm? If he holds the door open for me, do I give him an orgasm? That seems excessive. On the other hand, how many things does he have to do to equal an orgasm? Three drinks, one door holding and making dinner? Seven “I love you”s, letting me watch my favorite show without condescending remarks, and an hour of holding hands? You can see how this would get complicated. I know Lion is thinking it’s not complicated at all. Each attaboy moment should be an orgasm. Wishful thinking!

And what if he’s been such a good boy but before I can give him his orgasm he blows it by misbehaving? Does that one misdeed undo all previous good deeds? I don’t know. It seems pretty complicated to me. I have enough trouble remembering to punish him when he gets himself in trouble. I’ll have to think about this some more.

jerking man offIn my last post I wrote about using orgasms or lack of them as rewards and punishments. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was on the verge of a true ah-ha moment. I now realize that I found an important missing link in both our enforced chastity and our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline).

Five years ago, I decided to live a fantasy. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock my penis in a male chastity device. It took a while to get into it the first time. I got hard. each time she tried to lock me up. Eventually I got the base ring around my balls and threaded my barely-soft penis through as well. Then, after some struggle, Mrs. Lion got my semi-hard penis into the little cage and locked it to the base ring.

From that moment on, the only way I could have an orgasm or even get hard, was when Mrs. Lion released me from the device. Like other keyholders, Mrs. Lion would make me wait arbitrary amounts of time and then make me ejaculate. On most nights, she would unlock me and tease me to the edge of orgasm. After doing that a few times, she would lock me back up. These edgings assured that I remained very interested in sex, even thought I went back into the cage hornier than when she unlocked me.

After a few years of continuous lock up, I was conditioned not to masturbate even when wild (not in a chastity device). She had gotten full control of my ability to ejaculate. Locked or wild, I wait until she decides to let me come.

Making sense out of enforced chastity
Over the years, I’ve tried to rationalize  her role. Initially, I suggested that she use my desperation to ejaculate as a way for her to get more sexual pleasure from me. That’s what the fantasies are all about. Right? That made no real sense to either of us. Locked or not, I would do anything to please her. I love her. She’s my mate.

Over three years ago, we expanded our power exchange to include a more general FLRD. We started with two simple rules: I had to avoid spilling food on my shirt and I had to wait to eat until she started eating. Mrs. Lion selected the no-spilling rule because I was a messy eater. I frequently managed to get part of my dinner on my shirt. Her reasoning was that because I did this frequently, she would have an excuse to punish me. The second rule was that I couldn’t begin eating before she started. This is just good manners. It’s also easily observed and enforced. These rules gave us practice living in a disciplinary marriage.

Mrs. Lion selected spanking as her main method of punishment. It took a long time before  her spankings were severe enough to make me sincerely want to avoid them. It took even longer until Mrs. Lion consistently punished me for every offense. When she finally reached this milestone we marked this stage in her evolution as Lioness 2.0.

2.0’s arrival turned out to be much more than a goal she reached as a disciplining wife. As she got more and more severe with spankings and consistent with enforcement, I stopped spilling food on my shirt. I still have a rare accident, but I can go a month or more with no food spots. I also wait for Mrs. Lion to begin eating before I start. I’m thoroughly conditioned. We were both surprised when we realized what happened.

I take rules seriously. The consequences are sure and painful. As it turns out, the more severe the punishment, the more quickly I learn. This wasn’t planned. Neither of us seriously expected FLRD to become more than incorporating BDSM into our relationship.

How do you spell success? S-E-M-E-N!
It turned out that enforced chastity also helps us. It forces us to be more physically expressive. The nightly edging sessions assure we snuggle and touch. We are both happy we adopted FLRD and enforced chastity.

Male chastity still presents a problem: When should Mrs. Lion give me a hand job or oral sex? When should she make me ejaculate? Orgasms are given arbitrarily when my lioness decides to give them. There is no rationalization for my wait times. That seemed to be the only way to do it — until yesterday.

I wrote that orgasms and the lack of them could be used to further condition me, and suggested that extending my waits might be an effective punishment add-on like mouth soaping or corner time. I also suggested that orgasms could be a reward for good behavior. A hot and interesting concept, but still not fully formed. Then, last night the light bulb in my head turned on. Fortunately, it didn’t wake Mrs. Lion.

Here’s what I realized: Orgasms are the most primal pleasure a man can have. Ejaculating is genetically programmed into me as a prime objective. Civilization notwithstanding, my instincts are to impregnate females and propagate the species. That’s true of males everywhere. An ejaculation is organic success for a male. It doesn’t matter how it is evoked. Semen spells success on the deepest, most-instinctive level of my brain.

Withholding an orgasm isn’t really punishment so much as a minor source of frustration. Denial isn’t a motivator or demotivator. However, ejaculating is satisfaction at the deepest level. Just as I associate a very humiliating and painful experience — spanking — with displeasing Mrs. Lion, couldn’t I be conditioned to associate ejaculation with making her happy?

Until my ah-ha moment, I couldn’t think of a meaningful reward to motivate me to go above and beyond for my lioness. It isn’t that I never do things to please her. I do as much as I can. I don’t need incentives to try to make her happy. But still, she has no tools to encourage or reward me.

She can train me using punishments. She is very effective at that. But there is no meaningful reward to train me using positive feedback. Yes, I love it when she tells me I am a good boy. But that isn’t strong enough to motivate me on the deepest level.

The atomic bomb of rewards
What if she gave me a hand job or oral orgasm every time I did something she wanted to train me to do? Every time. Consistently. How  would I behave if being a good boy wins me an ejaculation? I would do my very best to earn that orgasm. It wouldn’t take me long to associate orgasm with pleasing her. Rewards are very powerful training tools. An orgasm is the atomic bomb of rewards. It reaches down into my lizard brain and pleases the unreasoning beast.

Providing orgasm rewards is as simple as punishing is with a spanking. As soon after doing the good thing as possible, Mrs. Lion makes me come. She reminds me why I am getting a chance to ejaculate and then gets me off.

In the beginning this will feel artificial; a game much the way we started spanking as a punishment. After some time of consistent orgasmic rewards, we will both be conditioned. I will associate sexual satisfaction with being a good boy. Mrs. Lion will almost instinctively express praise by stimulating my penis. She will have harnessed the most powerful male force as a tool of control.

This is only possible because of enforced male chastity. In order for ejaculation to be an effective reward, it has to be 100 percent controlled by the woman. A chastity device and conditioning to not masturbate gives Mrs. Lion that level of control.

It turns out that enforced chastity isn’t so much about frustration and denial as it is about a powerful reward: ejaculation.

Good boy!
To be effective as a male conditioning tool, ejaculation rewards require consistent, directed application. One way to think about when to grant them is to consider when you might want to say, “Good boy!” It’s fine to keep saying that. I love it. But now you can say,

“Good boy! You know what that means, don’t you?”

It won’t take long before I answer, “Oh yes I do!” and probably get an erection. Then, the first time we have privacy and my weenie can be exposed, she can get me off after reminding me why I am getting this treat. It’s that simple.

There are some obvious questions you might have about this. For one thing, you may wonder if this isn’t too time consuming. It really isn’t. All that is required is a quick hand job that gets me off. This isn’t a scene or a true sexual experience. It is a reward, a treat, nothing more. You can save more elaborate activities for occasions when you have the time and energy. This treat can be as simple as an unzip and jerk. The key is the orgasm, nothing else.

That also means it doesn’t matter whether or not I am in the mood. Mrs. Lion knows how to get me hard any time she wants. In my case, application of the Magic Wand vibrator can do the trick. Of course, it’s nice if I really enjoy it, but that isn’t the point. It’s associating my most primal pleasure with making her happy. She’s talking directly to my lizard brain. It doesn’t care about the quality of the orgasm. It just wants me to ejaculate. I’ll probably have fun, but it doesn’t matter whether or not I do. I think that’s a fairly revolutionary concept. The only goal when I get a reward orgasm is that I ejaculate. The quality of the experience is beside the point.

Initially, rewards need to be frequent. I’m learning to make a new connection. It takes consistent, repeated application and time. Keep it up and the connection will be made. I didn’t realize at what point discipline became effective in teaching me. But it clearly works. I think the same is true of ejaculation rewards. In the beginning it will generally be sexy fun for me. But that’s not the most important point.

Deep down in my unconscious, I will learn to associate ejaculation with earning praise from my lioness. It gives her more power over me. It also gives true meaning to enforced male chastity and orgasm control. I don’t know about you, but I’ll work very hard for this new type of “Good boy!” Enforced male chastity for me will no longer be about frustration and long waits. It’s a side effect of the unbreakable connection between pleasing Mrs. Lion and a chance to ejaculate.

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