We’ve been a disciplinary couple for about three years. Every day, Mrs. Lion and I write a post about our lives. Our posts track our disciplinary evolution from BDSM spankings to real punishment for offenses. Mrs. Lion has described her part (the top, of course) in all this. At this point, Mrs. Lion’s authority and punishments are integrated into our relationship. With over a million words in the blog on our evolution, you’d think that you would have an in-depth knowledge of how that part of our lives ticks. I don’t think so.
If you’ve been reading our blog for a while, you know my rules and when I break them. You know what happens to me when I do. You also know that spankings have become serious events for me. Punishment and maintenance spankings are very painful and go well past the point I want them to stop. I know what you are thinking:” That’s great! It’s what he wants.” I agree.
My experience during a spanking is building pain followed by a strong desire to escape. I know I can’t. Then I get angry that I have to go through this. That’s especially true when it is a maintenance spanking or one for spilling food on my shirt. Why do I have to feel this pain for no serious reason? It has to stop! Never again!
Of course, I don’t actually say that. I’m busy yelping loudly; but I’m thinking it. Sex and anything remotely resembling arousal are far from my consciousness. All I want is for the pain to stop. This is the anger phase of a spanking. I’m reacting with the classic, foot-kicking response of a classic punishment spanking. If the spanking continues, even intensifies, at some point I will quiet and perhaps sob. This is the acceptance phase. As far as I know, it’s inevitable.
This is sometimes mistaken for sub space. It’s different. Sub space is characterized by the transformation of pain into something that feels good. The bottom goes into a sleepy, relaxed state and enjoys each swat. This is the classic endorphin reaction. In the context of punishment, the endorphins don’t get a chance to build up quickly enough to help. The pain is never pleasant. However, at some point the person being spanked internally acknowledges that the pain is justified and the anger turns to sadness and acceptance. This is the transformational moment.
One thing that I haven’t learned here in the Journal or on other blogs, is how the disciplinary wife feels before, during, and after the punishment. Sure, there are lots of posts about the details of the activity, but none that I have found about the thoughts and emotions of the spanker. What’s it like for Mrs. Lion? How does she feel when she discovers me committing an offense? What is it like to punish her husband? How does it feel as he sufferers under her paddle? Are there phases for the spanker as well as the spankee? Do feelings toward punishing evolve over time? How?
This is, of course, distinct from BDSM topping. I know all about that. As a top, I saw the pain I provided as a skilled service. I knew the sensations I wanted to provide and at what intensity. But punishment is different. It isn’t a service to me. It’s an educational effort to transform some aspect of my behavior. It’s an assertion of power. That has to feel different than topping; for Mrs. Lion; at least I think so.