Yesterday was uneventful. We had frozen (heated, of course) pizza and vegged out in bed watching TV and playing games on our iPads. Just your average American couple. This is our usual pattern the day after I get an orgasm. I suppose we’ve fallen into a rut that way. We’ve both been very tired lately. We’re not sleeping well. Maybe it’s the change of the seasons. The weather here is cooling off. It’s dark early in the evening and we wake up to darkness as well. We get about eight hours of daylight in the winter.
Mrs. Lion has been resolving to bring out the Box O’Fun to see if that will get us back in the habit of playing. I wonder if there is some kind of expiration date on sexual power exchanges; a point when the energy expended exceeds the benefits of maintaining it.
Over the years, I’ve seen countless relationships burn through their power exchanges. The average life appears to be a year or two. I’ve hoped that we can beat this. We have so far. We’re just ending our fifth year. But it sometimes feels like a struggle to keep going.
It isn’t that I want to rebel and stop obeying Mrs. Lion. Obedience to her is second nature to me. For her part, she expects me to follow my rules and listen to her. In that sense, the power exchange is obviously permanent. That could be the problem. Our FLRD is no longer top of mind. It just is.
That’s the goal, right? I’m not so sure. I think that getting there is way more than half the fun. We’ve arrived at the point where punishment is very rare. Awareness that we’re doing something unusual is pretty much gone too.
A good example of this happened this past weekend. We had a house guest; a friend of mine from high school. She, of course, was totally unaware of our FLRD. One morning, Mrs. Lion prepared breakfast. She served our guest first who dove right in. Next I got my food and, of course, waited for Mrs. Lion to eat first. Her breakfast was not quite ready. So I waited. Mrs. Lion told me that I could begin. It didn’t occur to either of us that our guest might find that giving of permission a bit unusual. She didn’t.
Later, I thought about it. Was this behavior something you might expect from a vanilla couple? I suppose it could be. Should we have been aware that my needing permission to eat could be seen as odd? Obviously we didn’t. I think that is a sign that her role is integrated into our vanilla lives.
That was what we wanted. We are closer than before we started. I guess we have to decide if we need to find ways to extend our trip. I think we do. Arriving isn’t nearly as much fun as getting there.
I believe Your Constant neediness is overwhelming 2.0. You keep finding more things for Her to do like all the hair removal. There is never enough for You. You’re like a baby crying out for more and more attention. I suggest if You want more play start doing more of 2.0s regular household duties thus freeing Her time for rest and relaxation. Your demands on Her time and energy are excessive and may be sabotaging Your Relationship.
That’s what you read out of my post? Nope, not the point at all. We’re both feeling a bit bored with things. Mrs. Lion wrote about that recently. Maybe I’m being unfair.
Yes, you are feeling a little bored. My GF left me last year and I suspect our sex life was becoming bored with her. I am always waiting for that call from her that says she would like to restart.
I wish we had a solution for boredom.
Fortunately for us, the boredom only extends to play. We decided we would sit down tonight and discuss it. We find that when we talk about things, we can make useful changes.
Regarding the specific case of not eating until everyone – including the hostess – has been seated: Some (not your house-guest, apparently) might consider that to simply be good etiquette, although possibly archaic in some circles. Similarly, if the hostess is going to be delayed for a while, it’s mannerly of her to not make everyone else wait for her, and ask them to go ahead.
In many cases, the way I behave with my wife, and in fact pretty much all women, might appear to be subservient, but it actually has nothing to to with that. To me, these behaviors (opening the door for a lady, etc.) are simply good manners, though I might tend further than many this way because of my somewhat formal upbringing. There is no undercurrent of submission.
In fact, the reverse may even be true. The fabled chivalry of medieval knights was not because they were weak, but precisely the opposite. They were the most physically capable men of the time, and would use their strengths to defend and protect because of their sense of duty, and because of love (for their kingdom, their family, or their woman). The would go to great lengths to make the path smooth at their lady’s feet; I like to do the same.
This is different in concept than a FLR, but perhaps not so much in practice. A causal request from my wife becomes a strong commandment to me, not because of her power but because I want her to be happy. And for me it hasn’t gotten old. Of course, once in a while I might be slightly disappointed because she doesn’t explicitly thank me for some small service, or perhaps I really don’t feel like getting up to let the damn dog out, but in both cases, my pleasure at her happiness outweighs the down-side.
I realize that sounds like a classic “service sub”, and maybe it is, but in all cases I do things because I can, not because I feel compelled to. The only arena where my wife has absolute power over me is that of chastity, and it seems that neither of us want that to seep into other aspects of our relationship. (Although my wife will sometimes make cracks like “I think I’m right, because I have this key…”; she does this in jest – mostly – and I love it.)
Perhaps it’s time to tone down the explicit power exchange aspect of your relationship, and just enjoy being together. This doesn’t mean to tone down the fun; I just wonder if the seriousness or overt structure of the situation as it’s currently couched is sucking the enjoyment out of your power exchange.
A line from a Nine Inch Nails song (The Only Time) comes to mind: “[There’s] nothing quite like the feel of something new.” Maybe you could play (and I emphasize: *play*) around with some other kink or fantasy that’s been lurking in a dark corner of your mind – just for the fun of it.
I agree that my rule to wait to eat is just good manners. I was taught them at the same boarding school as my friend who, apparently forgot them at graduation. I agree that we probably need to adopt some new kink to get us going again. Thanks for the great input.
We both find it funny when some of her friends say things like “he’ll do that for you?” when they are visiting and she will ask (I know she is telling me) me to do something for them while they visit together. I show enthusiasm and willingness to please her/them and she loves it…… I absolutely try to please my Goddess every day and make it easier for her. I like her to feel pampered and I believe this has helped her take to her power role quicker than some.