Our energy has been pretty low lately. I’m not sure why, but both Mrs. Lion and I find ourselves sleep-deprived and tired every night. It’s true that neither of us has been sleeping very well. Mrs. Lion is going to try a CPAP machine. I find myself falling asleep in front of the TV for a half hour or so. That spoils getting to sleep easily later in the evening.
This sleeplessness makes any play feel like too much work. Inactivity becomes a habit. Essentially, we have to start doing things. I’m pretty sure it isn’t that we need to find all new activities. Let’s face it, sooner or later we will run out if we try. Mrs. Lion wrote about this yesterday. There are books with ideas on what to do. Even if we do everything in SM101, The Topping Book, and The Bottoming Book, which are all in our library, we will still run out sooner or later.
I don’t think that variety is the issue, at least for me. I miss the anticipation and the buildup of suspense as I imagine what will be happening to me. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, seems to be getting bored with the limited set of things she does to me. I get it. Some call it top drop. Maybe she needs to hit the reference section of our library to find new ways to torture me.
It’s probably not that simple. The root of BDSM is sex. It’s supposed to be arousing to do this stuff. It is for me, but not for Mrs. Lion. I’m motivated to accept what would otherwise be unpleasant sensations by the fact I’m sexually aroused by submitting to them. On the other side of the coin, as a top, I was turned on by spanking a cute butt, putting clothespins on breasts, etc. It was work, but it got my motor running.
Mrs. Lion doesn’t get sexually aroused anymore. So, there is no pussy-wetting reward for turning my butt bright red. I can’t repay her for her attention with my tongue. Circumstances remove sex as a motivational aid for my lioness. What will?
I’ve been trying to figure that out for years. I know she likes challenging games on her iPad. She solves word problems, directs digital pool balls, breaks walls with streams of tiny balls. She never grows tired of these games. They all have one thing in common: She has to work to overcome challenges to get to the next level. There is always a next level.
One reason I suggested she try a pegging project. There are several challenges. It requires me to learn to accept larger and thicker dildos…the challenge. Once I accept a size, I have to learn to manage movement. This isn’t easy for me. It takes time and effort. There are setbacks. She has to overcome my resistance to the pain I have to accept. Like her games, she can note progress. It’s measurable and easy to see.
The drawback is that it is physical work. All of our BDSM is physical. The lowest energy activity we have involves the shock collar. Games with it only require her to touch a button on her phone. The effects are very real and physical for me.
My point is that if she wants to continue with our BDSM play, she needs to discover some kind of payoff. Doing something because she knows I want it only lasts so long. We may be close to that point now.
I think there are real benefits for Mrs. Lion. They aren’t “fun” benefits, but I think they are beneficial. The first is that if she undertakes a progressive challenge, like pegging, she has to follow through over a long period of time. Rain or shine, tired or perky, the activities happen on schedule. That doesn’t mean every single day, but it does mean regularly.
If she wants more exercise and make things tougher on me, she can resume “maintenance” spankings on punishment nights. Every Monday and Thursday night she can see how far she can go with a spanking. Again, the results are visible and she can measure her progress. She tops the first level when she produces tears. That isn’t easy. From there, she can see how quickly she can get me to that point.
As a matter of fact, tears aren’t necessarily crying. They are a natural reaction to a spanking when it reaches a point of pain. The tears are cathartic and healthy for me. We both win if she gets me there. An added benefit is that it is tough for me as it is for her. A sore and/or stretched butt isn’t a roller coaster ride for me. But, it is interesting and exciting.
Of course, she doesn’t have to adopt either idea. My suggestion is that she finds things that allow her to progress and see her progress. That may make old things new again.
One of the things that makes chastity play so fun for me is that it requires very little effort by my wife, and in fact she goes for significant lengths of time without even thinking about my being locked up. It’s never far from the forefront of my mind, though. The imbalance is quite exciting to me, and I believe somewhat compensates for our different libidos.
(As a top, think of how much physical and emotional effect you can cause in the bottom with only minor effort on your part. Bondage and electrical play are great examples of this – flogging maybe not so much.)
Perhaps there are more things you can find that, like the electric dog collar, require very little effort on Mrs. Lion’s part, or like chastity that continue being fun even when Mrs. Lion isn’t directly involved at all for most of the time.