Before knowing me, Mrs. Lion never spanked her partner nor did other painful things to him. It wasn’t in her sexual vocabulary. I taught her all about such things. I showed her my collection of BDSM toys. I offered lessons on how to use them. Over time, Mrs. Lion became proficient in Cock and Ball Torture (CBT), bondage, spanking, and anal play. I was both her teacher and victim.
When we began our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD), our pattern continued. I did research on the Web, purchased new punishment implements, and offered lessons on how to use them. I imagine most couples proceed the same way. While necessary, this pattern establishes a destructive process.
By definition, punishment is not the creation of the punished. It’s something unpleasant inflicted on someone to express displeasure for something. This is sharply opposed to BDSM, which is a cooperative process to provide welcome sensation to the bottom. In that context, it is perfectly reasonable for the bottom to supply both equipment and instruction.
When we began our FLRD, both of us were clueless as to how to proceed. I did research and offered advice to Mrs. Lion. As with BDSM, she took my advice and off we went. Over the years, I’ve remained her instructor and purchasing department.
This has been effective. Mrs. Lion has learned to be an efficient disciplining wife. Clearly, my role as instructor isn’t appropriate in a relationship where my disciplining wife is meting out painful, unpleasant punishments. That’s not to say that all this time Mrs. Lion has been ineffective. She has be very effective. She simply does what I taught her much more intensely than I expect. Punishment moves from fantasy realization to utter misery. Still, I have too much input.
That’s changing quickly. Mrs. Lion realizes that she doesn’t need my “help” to hurt me. She has the tools and the techniques. There is no reason she needs me to do anything beyond exposing my bare bottom or following her orders . Of course, habits die hard and I can’t resist offering advice.
Perhaps, it’s time for me to be punished for “backseat driving” her discipline. There is an implicit disrespect embedded in my assumption she needs my help to punish me. My recent experiences with her wooden spoon suggest she no longer needs to hear from me.
An independent, strict, disciplining wife is what I want. I’m not alone in that. However, in this day and age, you are unlikely able to get an “off the shelf” disciplining woman who is ready willing and able to scorch your butt. Based on what I’ve seen, a lot of men think that their partners are exactly that.
I’m convinced that both Mrs. Lion and I needed these years of cooperative FLRD. Neither of us had any real experience in our roles. I had the advantage of decades of BDSM experience, primarily as a top. It made perfect sense for me to share my knowledge with my lioness. If I didn’t offer help and just explained how I wanted her to take over as my disciplining wife, I don’t think we would be doing it today. There is so much we both had to learn beyond using a paddle.
The biggest lesson for us was learning that we were good with our respective roles. Mrs. Lion had to learn that I would accept being hurt, sometimes quite badly, and still lover her. I wouldn’t react and attack her. I would accept her punishments in the spirit they are given. This is a big leap of faith for her. She doesn’t want me to stop loving her.
She also had to overcome the notion that it’s wrong for a wife to assert herself in such a physical way. She wasn’t prepared for this. To her eternal credit, Mrs. Lion persisted and learned. She doesn’t like hurting me but does it because it moves our relationship forward.
For my part, I’m learning to better accept painful spankings. I still think that Mrs. Lion needs my help to become even more effective. I’m wired that way. So far, we haven’t addressed this fault of mine. My feedback is reassuring to both of us. It helps reinforce Mrs. Lion’s belief she is doing the right thing. I am reassured that I have some measure of control.
I think it’s time for me to enter graduate school. I can’t think of any disciplinary situation where the person being disciplined is allowed to provide any feedback or advice to the disciplinarian. Wait! Aren’t I offering advice to Mrs. Lion? Isn’t this post exactly what I say I shouldn’t do? Should I be spanked for writing this?
Maybe I should. I hope not. Perhaps my posts should live in neutral territory where I can freely express my views on FLRD and punishment. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Lion will be OK with this. If Mrs. Lion wants to suppress my input, she can do it without stopping me from posting about this. She can also forbid offering advice in posts.
That’s my point. It’s all up to her.
