Mrs. Lion got back on track Wednesday night. She used her hand and the Magic Wand to bring me close to ejaculating over and over. I wondered if she would give me a chance to come. She didn’t. Oh well, that’s my lot in life. She did one thing differently on Wednesday: she started earlier in the evening. I appreciate that. It made a nice difference to me.
So far, sex for me is voluntary. If I’m not in the mood, Mrs. Lion doesn’t stimulate me. She’s told me that since sex is for me, there’s no sense forcing me to have it. That’s a loving approach. She takes the same tack with play. Since it is for my benefit, why do it if I don’t want to.
Of course, I don’t get a choice when it comes to punishment. I also don’t get to veto any rule Mrs. Lion cares to make. There appears to be a sharp line between BDSM, Sex, and our Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD). So far, she hasn’t let one intrude into another’s territory.
I understand the reasoning, at least as far as the separation of FLRD and the other stuff. I agree that our FLRD is completely independent of the other stuff. She definitely uses her authority to regulate when I can ejaculate. But she doesn’t use it to control when I should be aroused. Put another way, she’s perfectly happy to leave me frustrated no matter how horny I get, but she isn’t willing to make me hard and arouse me when I say I’m not in the mood.
Ultimately, that means I control sex. I can avoid stimulation and frustration if I want. I’m sure that Mrs. Lion’s assumption is that sooner or later I will want to come. Then, she can frustrate me if she wants. I never play “dead” and tell Mrs. Lion I don’t want to play just because I don’t want to be frustrated again. That’s not in my nature.
I wonder what would happen if Mrs. Lion put in the hard work to arouse me when I am not in the mood. Would I learn to be more responsive in general if she does this regularly? If she pushes me to the edge the day after I ejaculate, will I relearn to be ready sooner? Under the theory of “use it or lose it,” will forced exercise get my hormones in higher gear?
I don’t know the answer to that. I do know that between her hands, mouth, and the Magic Wand, it is unlikely that my penis could remain soft if Mrs. Lion wants it to stiffen. Similarly, using her tools, she should be able to edge me any time she wants. I may not like it, at the moment but then I don’t like clothespins on my balls, at least while she is using them. But later, that pain fuels sexual arousal. Forced arousal is probably just the same.
It’s like being forced to eat your spinach. It’s good for you even though you might hate the taste. I think there is another value in forced sexual arousal: It sends me a powerful message about control. Right now I know that I can’t have an orgasm without it being produced by Mrs. Lion. Should I also know that I will get hard and be ready to come any time she wants? Should getting sexual stimulation be something I control? Should I really be able to say, “No, not tonight”?
This is also true of BDSM play as well. My mood doesn’t have to be receptive. Those clothespins or that Icy Hot will work whether I want to play or not. It’s no different than punishment. I’ve been absolutely pissed at times when Mrs. Lion decided to spank me. It was the last thing in the world I wanted. That didn’t stop her. It shouldn’t.
I think the same is true of sex and play. Yes, they are things I usually like. Mrs. Lion does them because she knows I want them. I don’t see how that translates to letting me decide when I get them. She decides if and when I get to ejaculate. I would like that control to extend to when I get aroused or tortured. It just seems right to me.
