A Female Led Relationship (FLR) is a popular idea with men who want to be sexually submissive. It’s popular in our house, of course. We’ve been practicing it for years. The reality of it for me is quite different from my original ideas on the subject. The assumption is that things will improve and the relationship will run more smoothly if the woman is in charge. The unspoken question is: In charge of what?
Our marriage has always worked very well. I don’t smoke or drink. I haven’t had sex with anyone but Mrs. Lion since we have been together. Our enforced male chastity has taught me to never masturbate. I don’t go off on wild spending sprees. I don’t gamble. We consult one another before major spending. We love each other more than anything. In short, we have a great marriage.
Our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline) wasn’t started to cure a serious behavioral or marital problem. I’m pretty sure that almost all FLR’s are similar. I asked Mrs. Lion to start this.
What was I looking for?
I wanted to extend her sexual control to other areas of my life. More than that, I wanted her to strongly express what she wants and use her paddle to make sure she gets it. I won’t pretend that the sexual excitement at submitting didn’t loom large in my mind. It did. That doesn’t mean that my need for her to enforce her wishes isn’t just as important.
That last concept is a difficult one for her. I couldn’t expect to ask her to wake up the next morning and beat me if I didn’t immediately do what she wanted. Her nature is very forgiving and she tends to put others first. Handing her a paddle and decreeing that she now rules the den won’t change her personality.
We both understood that from the start. She decided that it would be better to kick things off with correcting small behavioral issues. What bad behavior? I’m fairly civilized and considerate. Mrs. Lion realized that I am a messy eater. I would frequently drop food on my shirt. For the record, that was never an issue between us, but it was an opportunity for us to test out our fledgling FLRD. So, our first rule was that I would be punished for spilling on my shirt. Mrs. Lion was sure that rule would provide lots of disciplinary practice.
It did. Over the years, some of our readers have commented that it seemed overly cruel to beat me for getting some gravy on my shirt. It wasn’t. We were both in training. Her second rule was that she always eats first. That one required her to be aware of my actions at the table. She had to observe me to be sure I wait for her. That rule provides additional disciplinary opportunities and trained her to observe me critically.
Ironically, the spankings have taught me to be a much neater eater. At this point, only chips and salsa reliably get me spanked. Mrs. Lion has become so sensitive to eating first that when she visited her family, she felt offended that others began eating before her. Clearly, we have a good foundation.
Expanding to less obvious issues has proven to be a difficult challenge. We’ve had a rule for years that I am not to interrupt Mrs. Lion when she is speaking. I do it quite often, but have only been punished a couple of times. Both times the spanking was quite mild, almost as though Mrs. Lion didn’t feel justified in beating me. She has no reservations about letting me have it for spilling. Isn’t interrupting much more serious?
She’s made another rule that also goes unenforced. She hates it if I act like a know-it-all. She’s written about this here. She made it a rule that I will be punished if I behave that way. I have and she hasn’t punished me.
My theory is that interrupting and acting like a know-it-all are too real. Punishing me for spilling or eating first is more like a BDSM game. Spanking me for annoying her is real life. Her observational skills are excellent. She knows exactly when I do these things. She knows how to punish me. Yet, something is in her way.
I don’t know what that could be. I wonder if she’s thought about it. From my perspective, it makes sense to begin enforcing these rules because I need new things to learn. I’m a neat eater now. I always let my lioness eat first. I need new behavioral territory to conquer. How do we take the next step?