Saturday was the first installment of hair removal day. My “Front” is now hairless. Yesterday, she made my back side match. Mrs. Lion commented that I’m quite high maintenance. I guess I am. One of the real challenges to the dominant partner in a full-time power exchange like ours is the number of related activities assigned on a regular basis. The advertising for D/S relationships leads one to believe that the dominant partner will have a life of leisure and endless orgasms. I know from my own experience as a full-time master nothing could be further from the truth.
Let’s face it, the sort of submission we are talking about requires two players. The submissive partner doesn’t silently float through the household making life a work-free dream for his or her dominant. Even though a lot of people will argue with this, D/S is at least as much work for the top as it is for the bottom.
Spanking a bottom is not nearly as much fun as a nice game of tennis. Waxing me is work. Mrs. Lion has to bend over to apply and remove the wax. I get to lie there, or kneel while she toils over my furry body. A good way to get an idea just how much work topping entails, is to consider how much you have to pay someone to do this same stuff for you.
Body waxing is very expensive. A male Brazilian costs upwards of $100; chest waxing, a little less. Paying someone to spank you is going to cost a couple of hundred dollars. The reason spankings cost so much is that there aren’t a lot of people willing to do them professionally. It’s strictly supply and demand. But, it is work and it does take time. Mrs. Lion does all this work because she loves me and wants to make me happy. She’s not doing it because she gets an amazing thrill from it.
The bottom line is that even if your dominant partner enjoys the hell out of beating your butt, it’s still work. Chances are pretty good that there will be times she does it despite the fact she really doesn’t feel like it. I remember having an online conversation with a self-professed submissive about her role. She was telling me all of the things she expects her dominant to do. It was a long list of time-sucking, energy-draining activities that clearly turned her on. I asked her what her dominant got out of this. She announced, “The pleasure of dominating me.”
This is a common delusion. The sexual fantasy is that the dominant partner gets amazing pleasure out of fulfilling his submissive’s every wish. When I was a top I can tell you that I never signed up to be anyone’s genie. I realize that a lot of submissive people are so self-involved that they don’t rationally think about what they want.
On the other hand, there are people who identify themselves as dominant who have similar delusions. Sexual fantasies are very powerful things. I’ve known people (both men and women) who spent years fantasizing about one of the roles. They search endlessly for a partner who will fulfill these fantasies. Invariably, relationships based on this fail. I think the reason is that no matter how much you want to live in a world of BDSM, the actual amount of time you can do it constitutes a small part of your life. Most of the time is spent doing mundane, every day things.
A lot of people who spend years dreaming of being locked in a chastity device run a movie in their heads where their keyholders are two-dimensional creatures whose needs just happen to correspond to that movie’s storyline.
Maybe a good way to think about our roles is to consider how expensive it would be to replace our partners with people who aren’t involved with us. I’m not talking about the sitcom plot where the wife sends her husband the bill for all her household chores. An episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” featured his wife charging him for the work she does at home. He couldn’t afford her.
It’s funny to see. But there is a grain of truth. What we do for each other out of love is valuable. What Mrs. Lion does for me could never be bought with money. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth money, it means you can’t pay someone to truly love you and want to make you happy.
If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship like mine, this is a very good time to stop and offer a sincere “Thank you!” If Mrs. Lion never did another dominant thing to me, it wouldn’t reduce my love one bit. While I treasure the way she has taken up her role, it isn’t why I love her. I can’t really explain why I love her. I don’t have to. All I know is that I can’t imagine my life without her.
Thank you, Mrs. Lion.