Month: February 2019

Lion probably wasn’t in the mood to be spanked last night but he doesn’t always get to choose. He was still due for forgetting to thank me for the last punishment. Plus, I cut that one short because he was having trouble with it.

I don’t normally start out with a number of swats in mind, but Lion made a comment a while back that punishment was shorter and less severe than our experiment. I wouldn’t want that. I decided he would get the same 300 swats as the experiment. That is, until he moved.

Near the end, and he had no way of knowing it was, he rolled away. I asked him if I should start all over. He glared at me. Then he rolled back into position. As I swatted away, I told him he was only about three swats from being done when he rolled over. I have no idea if he believed me.  As far as he knew we were starting over. I think I gave him another fifty to a hundred swats before I stopped. He thanked me immediately. He can be taught!

This was the first time I actually started over when he rolled away. It’s true I didn’t go all the way to 300 but I gave him a substantial number of redo swats. I’m not sure he’ll think twice about rolling away again, but at least he knows I’m willing to start over now.

There are times when I wonder just what started me on the path I’m following now. I know that a lot of people think that “submission” is a genetic trait. I’ve been around long enough to know that it most likely isn’t. Obviously, wearing a chastity device and giving someone else the key is a submissive act. At the very least it’s handing over the responsibility of initiating sex.

In my case I think some very primal insecurities about rejection have a lot to do with why I am the way I am. I was always a shy, introverted kid. I was never very athletic. When I went away to summer camp, I was the kid who got picked last to be on a team. I spent my time in right field. I suspect this is behind some of my shyness with the opposite sex.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been aggressive when I feel welcomed. But making the first move was never my strong suit. Luckily for me, girls and women always approached me first. Once they opened the door, I was very happy to come in. Looking back on all this it seems pretty obvious that I’m a pretty good candidate for enforced male chastity.

Bear in mind that I’m not particularly submissive in any other respect. Oh yes, I love to bottom. This is a good opportunity to get some definitions out. The BDSM scene has two roles: top and bottom. The top (and there can be more than one top in a scene) provides sensation for the bottom. The top is in charge.

The bottom, by definition receives sensation. The bottom can be very active and provide sensations for the top as well. However, the sensations provided to the top are at his or her request. The sensations provided to the bottom do not require permission.

That doesn’t mean the top can do anything he or she wants to the bottom. Prior to a scene the top and bottom negotiate what will take place. The bottom sets limits for what he or she will accept. The top is expected to absolutely honor them. The bottom doesn’t necessarily know what’s going to happen once the scene begins. The top decides.

I spent most of my adult life as a top. I had a lot of fun. But like many tops, I wanted to bottom as well. As I have learned in recent years, my interest in sex is closely connected to bottoming. By the way, for the purposes of this conversation I consider being punished a form of bottoming. If I go for a long period of time without bottoming, my level of interest in any kind of sex falls off sharply. Spank my butt, and I’m hot to trot. Mrs. Lion knows that if I get apathetic about wanting to orgasm, all she has to do is spank me and I’m right back to normal.

Enforced chastity, at least to me, is a BDSM game. Yes, it has real consequences. Orgasms can be withheld from me indefinitely. The bottom line though is that I like this activity. It’s exciting for me to surrender sexual control. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for other guys.

In reality, enforced chastity is about sex, not withholding sex. It’s about increasing the desire for sex using the simple tool of the cage that holds the penis captive. The myth is the chastity device prevents sex. The hapless male loses his ability to ejaculate except when someone else decides he deserves it. The reality is our keyholders provide a kinky kind of foreplay that guarantees we’re hungry for sex almost all the time.

A lot of us, me included, spend a lot of time imagining that enforced chastity is a lifestyle. We attribute all sorts of profound changes to the control of our penises. There may be some other control going on, but I’m very sure it has little to nothing to do with whether or not our cocks are in a locked cage.

When I think back to the way Mrs. Lion and I evolved in our lifestyle, the chastity device and control of my orgasms provided a context for wider control. That wider control had absolutely nothing to do with my cock. Wearing the chastity device displayed my willingness to surrender control. Mrs. Lion understood this from the beginning. My chastity was never a tool used to control me in other areas.

When we started out, I was sure that wearing the chastity device was the reason I wanted Mrs. Lion to punish me when I broke rules and to be generally obedient to her. I considered enforced male chastity a lifestyle. I now know better. Our female lead relationship will go on whether or not we practice male chastity. Similarly, if we decide to stop the power exchange, it doesn’t have a thing to do with our enforced male chastity game.

I wanted to play this game because of my deep-seated shyness at initiating sex. Enforced male chastity took care of that problem. It also is great fun and I’m much happier for doing it. I’m even happier now that I understand just how it fits into our relationship.

It’s difficult for me to understand exactly why the idea of enforced male chastity caught my attention. I can’t remember exactly where I heard about it for the first time. Can you remember how you were introduced to the concept?

My initial reaction to the idea of losing access to my penis was pretty negative. I got a little tingle thinking about it, but the idea of not being able to ejaculate seemed like one of those things that was much better in fantasy than in fact. I was immediately interested in the hardware. When I first learned about it, almost all male chastity devices were belts. Almost all of the guys who wrote about it, did it to see how long it would take them to escape.

This could very well be the reason to this day guys worry about security. Recreational male chastity was always initiated by the man.originally, chastity devices were invented to prevent male masturbation. Unlike the myths about knights locking up their damsels while they were off at the Crusades, the reality is that in Victorian England it was believed that male masturbation led to insanity.

Asylums lock devices on their male patients as a way of protecting them from further degradation. Some parents also use devices on their male children to prevent them from descending into the darkness of insanity. This practice carried over into the United States as well. The US patent office has thousands of patents for male chastity devices. Most of them feature sharp spikes that penetrate the penis if it attempts erection. There is no record of widespread use of these devices.

Modern chastity, both male and female, dates back to the 1950s. There isn’t much information out there about those times. Much later, in the 90s, Internet chat rooms attracted like-minded chastity enthusiasts. I discovered one of these bulletin boards which featured stories and information about various chastity devices chastity “hobbyists” would make her by devices and then report on how they managed to escape. The penalty for failing to escape was the frustration of not being able to ejaculate.

Access Denied made full scale chastity belts. They were designed to be escape proof. As far as I know, they were. 75% of their customers were men and 25% were women. The women reported that they bought the belts for their own use as a way of protecting themselves from rape when they were out and about.

Like today, the men bought them as a way to experience sexual bondage. Some people wonder why women don’t also enjoy the idea of being locked away. I’m sure some might, but the reality is enclosing a vagina in a protective device is a prescription for infection and serious problems.

Anyway, somehow I discovered the idea of enforced male chastity. I was really turned on by the idea of a device locking up my penis so that I couldn’t touch it. It was a new way to be tied up. That to me was really hot. Now, many years later, it still is. Is this also the reason other guys like enforced male chastity? I suspect it’s always somewhere in the mix.

Based on what I’ve been able to learn, there are other, more complex reasons to be locked up. It appears that a lot of men who practice enforced male chastity, want to surrender more general power. They may imagine themselves trading ejaculation for other services. This, of course, is the basis of most chastity fantasies. You know, the poor soul is locked up in a chastity device and isn’t released to allow him to masturbate until his partner has (fill in the number here) orgasms.

Other fantasies show trading ejaculation for successfully performing housework and other menial chores. Frequently he has to wear women’s underwear as well. Underneath these fantasies is arousal at the idea of submitting sexually to a woman (or a man if you’re gay). It’s a very graphic form of submission and allegedly harnesses the strongest force in the universe: a man’s desire to ejaculate.

That’s the fantasy. To some extent a lot of us make that fantasy real. On the surface it’s a BDSM scene. In fact, most people who play with enforced male chastity treated as a scene. The lockups last the weekend and are part of a more elaborate BDSM situation. Those of us who practice it full-time, have to come to grips with the reality that trying to make a power exchange fantasy a lifestyle is pretty much impossible.

Guys who try, end up turning off their partners. It’s a lot of work to be a top. I’m lucky that Mrs. Lion and I have been able to put together a power exchange that works for both of us. She’s had full sexual control for more than five years now. I periodically come up with new twists and she gamely gives him a try. Most of them just don’t fit and she abandons them.

What never varies is the fact that she retains absolute control over when and if I get to ejaculate. She gives me a little bit of leeway about giving myself an erection when I’m not locked in a cage. But she’s made it clear that if I abuse that privilege, I will be in a cage forever. That’s pretty hot!

I think it’s very important that we think about what we’re doing and why we want to do it. It’s not fair to simply tell our partners to lock us up and then judge them on how well they satisfy our deep-seated fantasies. Enforced male chastity is a negotiated activity. It’s fully consensual and both partners have to agree how it will be practiced. Of course, this is not the way the fantasy goes. Too bad. As far as I can tell, the only way to be successful in all this is to communicate, communicate, and communicate more. At some point, perhaps, you may be surprised by what your keyholder does. Just don’t expect that.

I owe Lion some punishment swats for not thanking me for his last punishment swats. I should have done them last night. Two things stopped me. He’d had a hard time sleeping the night before because he was worrying about his surgery. And I had a long list of chores to do when I got home so I didn’t really have time. I know. you’re thinking it’s too bad that Lion was tired or that I should have made time to spank him. Yes and no.

In a perfect world, or in a vacuum, I would have spanked him when I first walked in the door. I did owe him, after all. It shouldn’t matter if he was tired. His mood shouldn’t matter at all. In that respect, mine shouldn’t either. Black is black and white is white.

In the real world, shit happens. Lion may be tired. I may be sore. It’s not written in stone that punishment has to be done on a certain day. Maybe I have every intention of whomping him when I get home tonight, but then the power is out and I have to run around getting things set up for that. Black is not black and white is not white. It’s varying shades of gray – and not the fifty shades type.

I’m hoping Lion is up for punishment tonight but if he isn’t, tomorrow is fine too. For all I know, he could tell me he’s not up for spanking but some time on the punishment stool would work. I’m not opposed to him suggesting an alternate punishment that he can handle. I know he knows he’s due punishment. He may escape it for a while but it will be waiting. If he thinks he can manage Icy Hot rather than spanking, we can certainly do Icy Hot. He’s not getting away with anything. I’ll adjust the amount of Icy Hot or the amount of time on the punishment stool to equal the swats he would have received.

Top