Mrs. Lion hurt her arm doing all the extra work needed during our power failure. She’s been in considerable pain. On Monday, I forgot to remind her it was punishment day. The standard go-to punishment for me is a spanking. With her arm injured, that’s impractical. It’s too uncomfortable for her to use her uninjured arm on my rear.
When I emailed her about my lapse, I commented that spanking would be difficult. She replied by asking me if slathering Icy Hot on my balls and then making me sit on the very uncomfortable punishment stool would be a good substitute. I didn’t answer her directly. It seems to me that I shouldn’t be consulted about how I’m punished.
In fairness to Mrs. Lion, I have been her principal instructor when it comes to administering pain. My long experience in BDSM as a practitioner and educator comes in handy helping her hone her skills. It makes sense to consult me when formulating a new punishment strategy.
In my mind, punishment is something that is done to me. Obviously, it should be very unpleasant and painful. After all, that’s the entire point of punishment. Before she sent her email to me, I also considered what could substitute for spanking as my standard punishment. I thought of things like mouth soaping, painful pegging, and even writing lines.
Then I realized that Mrs. Lion is fully aware of all these things. She’s done most of them to me at one time or another. I have nothing new to contribute. I admit that I never considered Icy Hot on my balls as a punishment. That’s probably because I really hate it, especially when my penis is not being stimulated as my balls are cooking. I’m very sure that if she is applying that stuff to my balls as a punishment, she won’t be jerking me off to distract me from the burn.
As a matter of fact, we have at least two kinds of Icy Hot. One is the standard gel, and the other is a roll-on that is much stronger. Given that I’m being punished, I suspect I know which one she will be applying. I’m also sure that I will not be allowed to wash it off no matter how uncomfortable it gets.
There’s only one minor issue. We’ve developed a communication pattern about this sort of activity. Mrs. Lion is in the habit of checking her plans with me before she executes them. I don’t like that when it comes to punishment. I don’t want to be consulted. I think it’s fine for her to say,
“Tonight I’m going to slather your balls with icy hot and make you sit on the punishment stool while your balls are cooking.”
It’s completely fair to tell me what’s coming so I can stew about how much I will hate it. I don’t think asking me if I think it’s a good punishment works. Of all times, this is the one where she has to be firmly in charge. I shouldn’t even get the appearance of a vote. She doesn’t ask me how I feel about being spanked. She just gets out the paddle and expects me to be face down across the foot of the bed. There is no conversation. It doesn’t matter how I feel about being beaten.
The same is true if Mrs. Lion chooses something other than spanking. She has the absolute right to punish me any way she sees fit. I can’t select when I get it or how much I get.
It’s interesting that this came up at this point in time. I was thinking about my most recent spankings. Mrs. Lion has been using her spanking spoon. This is a very intense paddle. She is still working on how to best apply it to my bottom. We’ve established that giving me groups of 15 or 20 fast swats with a bit of time to recover before the next group, makes it much easier for me to hold still and accept my beating.
Last week, she started off hitting very hard. I was yelping and beginning to roll away during the first group. She decided to reduce the force of her blows. That made it much easier to take. Thinking back on it, I realize that I think she went too far in the direction of less force. Based on the way I react to spanking, if a group is severe enough to get me right to the edge of trying to escape, it makes the best educational impression on me.
I thought that the spanking spoon would deliver the most pain and last the longest. I don’t think it does. The paddle Mrs. Lion has been using for her “experiments” leaves me bruised and sore for days. I’m not sure that this is due to the construction of the paddle. I think she feels freer to hit harder. It’s a fact that my bottom barely looks beaten after I’m punished. But after an experiment, it’s very red and bruised.
Experiment spankings are always 300 swats. That’s the number Mrs. Lion decided to administer. Punishment spankings are always much less. Generally, she stops at 150 swats. I wonder if the reason for this is that the experiment is something we both agreed we should do. The punishment, on the other hand, is something she does in her role as my disciplining wife. Is there something about beating me without my explicit agreement that prevents her from rising to the level of our experiments?
I bring this up now because it may relate to the reason she asks me about a new punishment. Maybe it feels better to her if she has my explicit consent. Of course, she has my consent to punish me any way she wishes. I wonder if this more general agreement isn’t enough for her to push things as far as she does when we agree to try an experiment.
Since I don’t really want to be consulted about how I will be punished, I guess I have to make it crystal clear that I expect punishment to be considerably more severe than our experiments. I know that if I’m going to learn to change, I have to really hate what happens to me if I do something I shouldn’t. That, after all, is the difference between play and punishment.
It’s also what makes it so difficult to punish. When we do our spanking experiments, Mrs. Lion knows that I want to achieve a goal. I want to learn to accept a severe beating without trying to escape. I want her to feel comfortable administering a severe beating. When punishment time rolls around, she knows I am probably in no mood to be hurt. She also knows it’s her job to hurt me. She loves me and doesn’t like me to suffer when I don’t want to.
Getting past this dilemma is as difficult for her as accepting severe punishment is for me. If we’re going to succeed in our FLRD, we have to do it. I have the easier challenge. I don’t have a choice so I just have to learn to gracefully accept the pain. Mrs. Lion, on the other hand, has to learn to disregard how I feel about being punished and dispassionately dispense my punishment.
I have no doubt that she will be able to do this. She is an amazingly fast learner.