Since my surgery, I’ve been considerably less interested in sex. Mrs. Lion gave me two orgasms since the operation. Both times, no semen was produced. The first time I was not terribly concerned. I had been taking painkillers which could’ve affected production. It’s been well over a week since the last time I took any. Yet I still come up dry.
I’m not sure why this worries me. The orgasms feel great. Mrs. Lion gave me the second half of my blow job the other night. It felt wonderful. By and large I’m not feeling any pain. However, I still need a walker to get around. I can stand independently and have taken over my basic physical care. In fact, Mrs. Lion returns to work part time starting today.
I still don’t get morning wood. Mrs. Lion’s attention is required for physical arousal. I suppose that’s not surprising. Pretty much all voluntary physical activity is controlled by the spinal cord. While the signs are encouraging, my spinal cord is still not fully functional. I don’t have any medical facts to back this, but I believe that the recovery starts first with grosser actions and eventually (hopefully) works its way to the significant little things like a sense of touch and easier erection.
As I’ve discovered, whether or not I get hard on my own has no bearing on whether or not I should wear a chastity device. Trying to equate suppressing unauthorized arousal with the need for a chastity device is like equating preventing extramarital affairs with wearing a wedding ring. Yes, the chastity device does its job and will prevent unauthorized arousal, but that’s not the point. Just like the wedding ring its significance is deeper and far more symbolic.
I get pleasure out of wearing a chastity device. I discussed one phase of that in my post yesterday. Another, much more significant phase, is its value in providing a concrete, physical presence reminding me that I don’t control my sexual expression.
When I think about it, I suspect the major objection many guys might have to wearing a chastity device is the loss of sexual independence. Even a guy who doesn’t have any interest in extramarital sex or unauthorized masturbation might hate the thought that he can’t control his penis because a device is locked around it.
It isn’t any different than the fear of bondage. Let’s face it, a chastity device creates a very real sexual vulnerability. Some of us revel in this. Others find this a fearsome compromise of personal freedom.
I also suspect that some of the interest we share in trying new hardware is partly a distraction from the naked power we have surrendered. I realize that a lot of guys who wear chastity devices also carry the keys. They know they can remove it easily at will. That’s no different than taking off a wedding ring.
When I returned my emergency key to Mrs. Lion, I got a very different feeling about wearing my chastity device. Yes, I know that with a lot of effort I could pull out, but that’s not the point. When my key went into Mrs. Lion’s key safe, so did my ability to control my chastity.
My vulnerability became immediately and permanently obvious to me. Even after time has passed, knowledge of my vulnerability is never far below the surface of my consciousness.
I realize that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think of my lockup the same way that I do. She understands how profoundly I feel the loss of control. If she forgets to remind me that she enjoys her power, it hurts a little. In another sense, it magnifies my feeling of vulnerability. That device is locked on. It’s not subject to whether or not I feel its presence is well enough appreciated by my lioness.
Fortunately for me, she is acutely aware of my feelings and within the scope of our agreed power exchange, she works hard to support me. We both know she doesn’t have to. I know that regardless of how I choose to interpret the way she plays the game, the game will go on anyway she wishes. That, after all, is what makes it a true power exchange.