It’s becoming clear that it will take some time for me to get completely back to normal. I won’t go through the litany of my ills. Suffice it to say that a lot of things have changed and the changes have forced Mrs. Lion and I to adapt to the limitations I now have.
Sexually, I’m not as responsive as I was before the surgery. This is undoubtedly due to the stress of all the other stuff I am working on overcoming. Both of us remain committed to continuing enforced male chastity and our female led relationship with discipline (FLRD).
Until now, we’ve expressed this continuing commitment but haven’t worked out how we will ramp up again. I’ve been giving this some thought because it’s clear we both miss the old dynamic.
Mrs. Lion wrote about wanting to lock me in a chastity device again. She didn’t feel it was a good idea right now because I’m a bit wobbly on my feet and perhaps the challenge of assuring my urethra is in the right place and that I’m aiming correctly to pee, may be a bit much. I don’t deny that the device would add a physical challenge. However, maybe we should test out my ability to handle it. This weekend could offer an opportunity for a test flight.
I thought it was interesting that Mrs. Lion expressed a preference for the Jail Bird (over the Nub) because it gives me a good view of what I can’t touch. My Nub is clear plastic and the view it offers is about the same as the one I get with the Jail Bird. It’s true that more of me is easier to see with the Jail Bird. I don’t have a preference and I’m happy to accept whatever device my lioness chooses for me.
A much more difficult reentry for us is our FLRD. I imagine that Mrs. Lion feels it’s too soon to paddle me if I break a rule. She may be right. However, she has other disciplinary tools she can use if she wishes.
The big question is whether I’m sufficiently in the present to be responsible for any lapses. It may be that she will need to phase rules in. Since all of this got suspended when I got the surgery, I think we’ve both noticed that the absence of the disciplinary context subtly shifts some of the ways we interact.
For example, it’s entirely too easy for us to withdraw into our own worlds. Mrs. Lion has a great deal more time at home since she is only working part-time in order to be available to help me. I feel guilty that I am taking so much of her time and attention helping me do things I typically do for myself. Our physical interaction has a distinctly sick-room flavor.
I don’t think that’s very good for us. Yes, she has been masturbating me every four or five days. I love that. But, it’s a relatively small activity without the drama added by days of edging and play. In short, right now we are pretty vanilla. That, in itself isn’t a bad thing. But, without the enforced chastity and BDSM activities there’s a big hole in the way we relate.
One reason for this is Mrs. Lion’s strong need to accommodate me. She doesn’t want to push me further than I’m comfortable going. It makes sense since I’m a bit wobbly on my feet and I’ve lost much of the function of one arm (hopefully temporarily). That doesn’t mean I can’t do things, but it does mean that she’s not sure just how much I can do.
Perhaps if our rules go back in force and I am punished when needed, Mrs. Lion will be more observant and less sensitive to how I feel about what’s happening. She needs to make the transition from caregiver to disciplinary wife.
There’s no question that I still need her to take care of me. I’m not capable of many things I need done. I think I am capable of following my rules and accepting the consequences if I miss.
In the next few weeks I should begin physical therapy to help me restore full function. I think I probably need a special kind of physical therapy from Mrs. Lion. The surgery has affected my sexual responses. It’s a lot harder to get me close to ejaculation. That’s not surprising. The surgery disrupted my spinal cord which reacts by hindering sensation and movement below the neck. Obviously that includes Mrs. Lion’s weenie.
I can feel sexual energy returning. I think it’s time to consider some physical therapy. My thought is that at-least-daily exercise, if you will, that gets me as close to the edge as possible without orgasm, will help me remake the connections that appear to be broken.
This activity will also reset our daily snuggle-and-play sessions that have been interrupted. I’m convinced that edging is a seriously good way to bring me back. Based on our current experience, this isn’t easy and will happen gradually. I’d like to say that I’m in no rush, but I really am. Regardless, I think that my sensitivity will return in its own time under Mrs. Lion’s capable hands.
It is a bit ironic that she’s expressed a desire to lock me up again and I’ve expressed a desire for more teasing. The combination moves us back where we were before my surgery. It may not be possible for me to be locked up and be available enough for the lioness PT. I think the PT has to come first. Each erection she gives me moves me that much closer to being the old, horny lion she knows and loves.